Another day of survival

I was just about to do it! Grab the rope from downstairs and hang it over that beam in my garage that hangs oh so high. I’m screaming “I dont want to do it, I dont want to do ! ”  I never want to kill myself but I could never bear the fact that the world is crashing down right on top of me and I began to snap. I didnt know anybody was home but then I hear my father downstairs looking for his motorcycle keys. All I had to do was just wait till he got on that motorcycle and I would have  my final breaths in silence, alone, in this house that I call a home. I hear the vrooming of his engineWhen he starts it up. As I sit upstairs patiently, just waiting for it to slowly fade a way which is a sure sign to me that he has left. It continues to rattle my walls I’m cying, scratching at my face of the aggony, I feel as if my heart is about to burst open from the shit I’ve been trough! I’m so scared that this would be it for me! the vrooming of his motorcycle build s up my tension. if he leaves ,tonight is my night,  but if he stays i will live and i wont have the chance to commit. I never want to commit but nothing will ever be better for me! i hear that motorcycle go in complete silence…..He turned it off……he wasn’t leaving. Tonight I am not dieing. I have yet another day to live..