Honestly I’m wishing I didn’t have a reason to be on here… but I do. Im a 20 year old college graduate, but I can’t get a job in my field to save my life…. you’d think it wouldn’t be so hard. I work at a grocery store stocking shelves…. I didn’t go into debt for this. Not to mention these people make me question the ounce of sanity that I have left. I haven’t touched a blade to my skin in 9 months. That’s saying something. Of course I get my share of bruises and burns from work but its not the same. I […]
Tag:
child
I am soon to be 18 and time seems to be plunging forward. I was unable to meet any of my parent’s expectations and when I turn 18 I will be disowned because of this. Maybe it would be good to be able to never see them ever again but I’m scared and don’t know what to do. I’ve run out of chances and time. Being a suicidal child since the age of 7 with numerous suicidal attempts had already ruined my chances of surviving this family .
What did they expect when my mother beat me most of the time as a child? My parents […]
SP caged-clown, of hell. Come see me, my humility. If you shall, come free me.
You don’t have to touch me, you can pull me with these chains tied to my body.
If you may, help me destroy it, so that I may live or die, in peace.
The zero child is piety. Air, turn me into rain. I say please.
Leader of humanity, Mankind. In bow, I plea to thee.
My truth. My cards. Illness and death. Two burning towers.
Indeed, I see and feel the world from upside-down. Indeed, it hurts the most of all.
Warped. The child of piety. The next five […]
rember i said sometimes;
ive been in lots of them.. some times there meanigful, some times there just for sex, and sometimes there just because you need someone to sit there and complement you all the fucking time… witch is okay, because some times its okay.
right now i am in a relashonship with nick, this is one of those meaningful ones.. before this one i had a boynamed john and all he wanted was sex and i am not secure with my body enough to do that sooo…. there for i dont think i will ver have sex . but some one should always have someone […]
This is just not worth it. It never has been. I wish I would’ve been aborted. Then I wouldn’t be feeling so hopeless all the time. More abortions everyone!!!!!! I am the proud father of two abortions, and those two decisions were probably the best choices I ever made. It would be nothing but selfish of me to have a child. I am miserable which means my kid would probably be too. Experts say that 50% of your happiness level comes from your parents. If there was an abortion clinic for 34 year olds to abort themselves, I would make an appointment ASAP!
Hello whoever wants to read and share some insight feel more then welcome. I’m gonna share a condensed version of my life story I think it will be good for me dunno but it cant hurt. here goes.
well I was born in 85 im an only child and I have two loving hard working parents always were always will be. I had a great first 5 years according to pictures and stories from family. the family next door and my family were close friends. well as close as neighbors can be I suppose. always cheerful and doin things for each other. always welcome in each […]
Seeking the Alpha Black Lotus.
The bounty in the belly of the dragon.
Your spirit and soul mutated.
The ghost is heaven and hell.
I am here. Tied and hanged upside-down.
In our Present time, God, is death; your name in vain.
Our birthright to party, our humankind.
I need the comrade, the steep and rocky road from Saint-Hell.
Let us go, smooth. Ghost Rider and Ali Baba, and I, in the dark.
The next match to light and ignite into magic.
Transmogrify, like I’m going to go train to take down a giant killer dragon.
I need to, to save this fucked child and […]
Sometimes it’s better sometimes it’s worse. Sometimes you can get up sometimes you can’t even gain strength to eat. No matter everyday I put on a smile and feel that she is serene like i have never known. I am very sick physically. I don’t know how much longer I can pretend. How much longer I can hide this from her. I over came MY depression and suicidal thoughts I fought off those demons and most the time I never once thought I would make it through. Years of self hatred and abuse have not done me any good. I am venting and trying to […]
So I was at the bar, and long story short, I got some good advice so I figured.. What the heck!! Here’s what I learned..
I met a man who told me about his situation with his ex lady and his son. This guy was around my age, and what he told me really resonated with me.
He told me..
“Man, you are lucky you didn’t have kids with that girl, cuz now you can go do anything! There is nothing holding you down so you are free to make your own decisions and go where ever you want. If you had kids you […]
Iv decided that tomorrow afternoon is the perfect day for me to kill my self. I live with just my mom and sister and they’re leaving out of town for three days early tomorrow morning at about 5am. The last words my mom told me is I don’t want you to be here (in my house) when I get back. I’m gonna do something even better for her when they leaves later that day I’m gonna lock my self in my room nail it shut with a nail gun. Then I’m going to shoot myself in the head. She chose some great last words for […]
I wonder if I’m mad.
At times I feel so content with life
and the next moment I’m loathing it.
I want to be special, that elite, that genius, that child prodigy,
And yet when I look back ,
all I want is a simple life , a simple home, and experience that simple happiness.
Depressing thoughts come swiftly in my mind,
whispering such tempting and soothing threats,
and only with it do I feel alive.
Am I twisted, a lunatic , a mad man for thinking such a thing?
It feels as though despair has becomed my only friend.
And without it I feel incomplete.
Despair, it is the black of the night,
and the night of […]
I always feel guilty about committing suicide. Not because of the people I will leave behind but because I feel like I’m wasting life. I always wish I could give my life to someone else, like a dying child or a dying mother or anyone who is dying and wants to live really. Someone who would appreciate it and live it better than me. I wish that were possible, I think it would make it easier.
I was sexually abused as a child. I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused through childhood and my early teens. I’m super screwed up. I can’t control my emotions and I get depressed. Suicide seems very glamorous to me. I’ve thought about it ever since I was 7 or 8 years old. Life terrifies me unless I’m drinking or doing drugs. I’m a cutter. I’ve never attempted suicide because I always chicken out in the end, but I’m getting closer to the brink.
I first had thoughts of suicide when I was six years old. I don’t know why or what triggered it. I just remembered, that there were reports of people committing suicide by jumping off buildings in the newspaper, and I was, for some reason, unhappy, and wanted to hurt myself.
I remembered bashing my head on the tiled floor of my room, then climbing up on a high chair and jumping off, hoping I’d snap my necks when I land.
I remembered banging my head on hard walls, like I am trying to silence screams filling up my head.
I remembered being at school, unhappy. My classroom was […]
I need to heal, and travel to the icy end of the continent.
Humble, the express; no longer want to wait.
Come on, with the golden nimbus machine, summon the story of death.
Free my dying soul, forever to celestial. I am that I am, see with your eye.
A beast of hell. Who I am, an exiled human child. Faith is a haunted ghost.
Uttermost, gutter-most, oblivious. A beast of hell, a worldly.
Seven billion and nobody. Everyone, gone. All that is so much wrong.
Escape the world. Forever lost. Until the next saga.
Oracle of faith. Save me today.
My name’s DeathsAngel like the book I have arthritis, fibromialgia, CRPS, gird, aspergers, am bipolar, have manic depression, here voices, see a shadow, was abused as a child and am severely bullied. I have wanted to kill myself for three years. Last year I told my mom and she sent my to the hospital ever since then I have constant med switches but nothing is helping. I’m under eighteen so I have no say in my meds. I’m severally obese or at least medically obese, and ugly don’t even try to fight me on it. I have no self esteem. Make-up does nothing to improve […]
How Depression Has Changed Me for the Better…A Message of Hope
Remarkably, two years from its onset, I’m still alive; still fighting. By some odd twist of fate, I’m still here…still on this beautiful earth that once was forgotten in my mind. I’m still here to speak of the taboo disease that is depression…this stigma that is an incomprehensible sadness. The sole disease that many encounter, yet the sole disease that no one wants to admit to. The sole disease that is so easily swept under the rug. The sole disease that is too disgusting to talk about, so it’s kept to a whisper. The sole […]
Though no one that knows me will ever see this, I felt it necessary to write these last words. I don’t know why.
Tonight, it will end. Thirty-one years was too long to stay alive. My mother should have aborted me instead of abandoning me at the hospital. I wish I hadn’t thrown up the pills when I was ten. I wish the gun hadn’t misfired when I was fourteen. I wish I would’ve jumped off the bridge on my eighteenth birthday, instead of losing courage. I was told to hold on and be strong as a child. As a teenager, I was told my twenties […]
Alakazam! Is there a hell.
Yes. Life is conscious. Afterlife – next generation conscious.
An army of death, follows. Life is everything and one, heaven and hell.
The present. The now. I am the child of oblivion.
The sound of doom. Guide me back, I need to burst in the fire.
I am the walker of death, calling. In my face, forever to nevermore.
A fish that wants to bloom into a flower. Walk me to the nexus.
im not young. Im over 40. I am married. I have 3 kids, Yet, I am alone. I am an only child. All of my family is dead. I have always been the place everyone comes to when they want something but I have no one. Hell, even my attorney up and bailed on me with no notice. HA! So, here I am. No value, no worth. I am now in the active phase of making plans to ensure the safety to my kids after I am gone.