Where to start . Im sad . Unless your lucky , in my terms lucky being having the perfect life set up for you via wonderful (wealthy) parents or extreme good choices , then life is literally depressing . When someone asks why do you want to die ? my response would be , why not ? It sucks to have no one to talk to who understands . It sucks to be so alone all the time . I dont know what happened . There was a point in my life when i was so happy . So unbeleivably happy . That’s gone now […]
Tag:
Choices
Who was I, before I entered this maze,
Is not something that I will remember.
As I entered the war-maze,
There was only the life-threatening
Closeness between the enemy and me.
Even this, I will not realize.
After getting out of the maze
Even if I earn my freedom,
The maze by itself, will not change. Unaltered.
To die or to kill,
To be killed, or to take someone’s life,
Even this will not be decided.
As a man wakes from his sleep,
And starts to walk, he can never
Again, see the world of […]
sometimes silence can’t be undone.
I sit quietly and close my eyes.
I hear the world about me whir and buzz from a distance.
TV announcers raising their voices
debating this and that, arguments and choices
I wonder about the relevance
Of the questions of mice and men
inquiries abound, relentless in their prevalence
I grasp at them desperately, floating mid-air.
Always above my head
They fly by, with me unnoticed.
They tell me, that the answers to all my confusion
are just a step ahead, just a wisp away
But always my battles, end with Pyrrhic victories
Losses more than gains, condemned to mere memories
And…just
Just;
Just when I […]
Today, I am posting this because I need an advice. Like almost every comrades here on this site, I am suffering…A lot. I want to die…But I have no intent of suiciding. I have 3 personalities, so they gave me 3 different choices of what to do, so help me to decide:
My 1st: Continue to suffer, until somebody save me or I have an mental breakdown -> killer -> cops will get rid of me. This guy is weak, lonely, yet gentle and kind.
My 2nd: Cry loud enough to gain everone attention/fake mental breakdown. This guy is stronger, easier to get rage, but is also […]
Hello, space mariners. Or maybe aliens or innocent bystanders. I’m almost alone on this planet sometimes. I’m not used to write or chat in this language, so be merciful if I’m making some awful mistakes.
Today I feel a little bit pathetic than usual. But I don’t think about cutting myself or jumping from eighth’s floor. I don’t know why.
I can go on with my live. It’d boring or interesting, or maybe even  funny sometimes.  Or I can stop it.
Both choices are equal for me sometimes.
I want to cry, but i cannot. I want to cry and whimper in someone’s arms. But there is nothing but […]
I’m too sane for this crazy world. You can’t be a man who’s word means something in a world filled with liars & manipulators. I know. I was one of those once. I did the work to change. I made my name synonymous with integrity and honor. I fought every day for my family, for others, for the underdog. Then one day everything I worked for was demolished by the person who I thought cared the most. Someone who placed the blame for their choices, choices they made years before I ever met them, on my shoulders. And I looked around and no one was […]
I’m really not seeing a reason to continue fighting my debilitating depression and anxiety. I have never had a reprieve in my 28 years, despite various medications, spiritual journeys, and self-help literature.
I have always held myself to a very high standard and have been relentless with trying to reach success from a very early age. I survived an abusive childhood with an alcoholic father. Â I thought that getting married, getting a Masters degree, and starting my career would bring me the happiness I so desperately want and the outside validation to prove that I am a good person.
I loved my husband with all of my […]
Why can’t I find a reason to live. Why is life so crappy for me. I just can’t seem to live a normal life. No matter how hard I try I just fail. No matter how hard I work I never seem to get anywhere but in debt not deeper in debt just in the state of debt not getting any traction either way, or so it seems. We live under an economic slavery model called capitalism. My spirit has been under siege for as long as I can remember. The world looks at people like some kind of commodity. I need to die I […]
I am only 13. And I think about suicide often. Im so young, and ive had it so hard. Things just confuse me so much. When I was 10 I made a “reasoning book” Every time something kills me a little more inside, and makes me think of suicide I write it down in my reasoning book. My plan is when I get to my 100th reason, I will finally try to seek help. I will ask for help. I will put all my trust on a line, and ask for help. And if finding help fails, It will be my last day to breathe. […]
Afraid to die
Yes
But this life isn’t for me
No body really cares
My family wants the best for me
But the same time they just over protect me from everything
Always wanting me to be their baby
But always wanting me to have my own life
How am I supposed to have my own life when they keep me away
The more we fight
The more I lost track of time
I messed up so much
The more I mess up
The more bitter I turned
The more arguements and fights
The more I day dream about the what if’s
I lose
Now there’s no where to go
Trapped on this lonely broken path
More afraid than ever
People say I am lucky
But […]
(Wrote this awhile ago)
Darkness
All I see is darkness
not a peak of light
I linger in the shadows
and scour away in fright
I feel a change within me
as red eyes look down and stare
the choices I have made
to get this disapproving glare
I know I’ve made mistakes
and I hold my own regret
but life will still go on
so forgive and just forget
But yet I’m smothered in this darkness
it’s suffocating me
it’s shielding my eyes
when I try to see
I step my one foot foward
not knowing where it rests
it’s hard to see the light when
I’m surrounded by this […]
Hey guys here is my story of selfishness, and my un valid reasons for wanting to take my life. Im 23 I live in the UK. Basicly think im a person who just doesnt know how to survive in realworld and make sensible adult decisions. Been to university twice to persue my dream career of becoming an actor or a drama teacher. Both times ended up dropping out due to just [artying all time and making terrible choices. I spend money like an absolurte moron take out payday loans just to spend money to try and make myself feel better. Last octoper I self admitted […]
We all make choices
Some are easier than others
Like what to wear and what to eat
Others are harder
Like how to schedule our day and who to meet
But it seems like my choices are harder still
Something abnormal from all the rest
While my friends are deciding which movie is the best
I’m deciding if myself I’m going to kill
I feel so jealous of all those other kids
They seem to have all their shit together
While I sit here in the corner
Trying to keep my wrists together
While the rest smile I wear a frown
While some look up to the […]
I don’t really see what else there is for me to do. I feel like all I ever do internally and out is apologize for the kind of person I am and the choices I’ve made. I feel like I should apologize for not being successful the last three times I tried to commit suicide, both to myself and to everyone who’s had to deal with me since those points.
It’s been made pretty much abundantly clear that I am the thing standing between my mother and her relationship. Her **** of a boyfriend is so pre-occupied with how much of a disappointment I am that […]
I google the web trying to find something good that I can latch on to - something that tells me how I can escape the thoughts I have that life has no purpose. I find this site – register – the email comes thru…. thoughts become reality as I look at my in-box and the password is there…. confirmation: I’m messed up.
I am so tired – tired of life. I wish it over and the pain gone. eat, sleep, work, emptyness – the cycle of pain repeats. I want to hide – I avoid work, I avoid people and I regress further. How come I only have unfulfilled dreams and I’m stuck in […]
Hey guys here is my story of selfishness, and my un valid reasons for wanting to take my life. Im 23 I live in the UK. Basicly think im a person who just doesnt know how to survive in realworld and make sensible adult decisions. Been to university twice to persue my dream career of becoming an actor or a drama teacher. Both times ended up dropping out due to just [artying all time and making terrible choices. I spend money like an absolurte moron take out payday loans just to spend money to try and make myself feel better. Last octoper I self admitted […]
few days back i wanted to quit it with car exhaust- carbon monoxide.
but now, i want to do it the hibachi style..
i even  ordered from ebay one old japanese hibachi, just for this. i like japan, so yea.
and imagining  the whole process, i really adore it. i dont know yet where im gonna do it, but i have few nice choices to pick from.
i dont know when, i’ll see when the hibachi arives.
sorry for my bad english. peace.
(A poem I wrote awhile ago)
I am not one to speak
when I am out of turn
I have been taught to listen
to listen and to learn
Fore if I were to speak my thoughts
Oh, the glares I would recieve
because I would speak the truth
not these lies you all believe
But I will stay silent
my mouth will remain closed
many will frown upon
the choices that I’ve chose
And I will walk away from words
and walk away from violence
the only thing that I will do
is live and die in silence
I found this quote and it seems to be true…
“Life is like a movie, if you’ve sat through more than half of it and its sucked every second so far, it probably isn’t gonna get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early.â€
But, if you’ve already sat through half of it, why not just finish it so you know what you’re not missing.
Me I will tell you in all honesty that I have serious anger problems and I am saddened  by it. I have always tried to keep my anger on the inside cause
I believe it would hurt more if I display it on the outside. Â I lately though have discovered that my anger has more control over me then I do. It’s
scary for me to type that but it’s true. I have only had one girlfriend and as of today I am stopping with any form of communication with her. I broke up with her because she wanted to choose between me and her ex who […]