I should never have come back here to school. I should have listened to my intuition and stayed home and gone to beauty school or something. After getting trampled by a horse I should have known that was a sign. I cant even bridle the horse and all i ever do is cry. Im such a crybaby i wish i knew how to make it stop. People tell me i don’t belong here and maybe i should listen. I wish i could die in my sleep from all this pain. I’m so done. And my roommate doesn’t even care about me she just wants […]
I Love You JANA. I knw u have already gf But I have no any problem with his. Please yaar Plz dont broke my heart Like tjis i cant live without You Plz come back I Promise i love more than ur gf plz come back i cant live yaar i cant
Just by happenstance, I stumbled upon this site 10 minutes ago. I saw a quote elsewhere, searched it, and google took me to a post from December of last year. And I sort of had to join.
I don’t know how much I’ll post, I don’t know how much I’ll even come back to this site. But here, right now, this feels like something I need.
I’m in a new city. I have an internship, but it’s unpaid. I don’t know anyone. And my best friend, my single confidant, the only person who I can share these feelings with, moved across the country and is indisposed for […]
My friend Is coming home someday next week!!!He was suppose to do 2-10 years but he’s coming next week!!!I don’t know why,really I don’t care why!! (I haven’t talked to him or visited him just to be on the safe side)
I don’t know If he’s gonna come back with my phone but I don’t care!!Well that Is the second time the laws kept my phone but owell Its just a phone,my friend Is coming!!I wonder If he has any resentment towards me??
Yes I got the title from Doug Stanhope (one of dopest). I felt it very appropriate considering how I plan to end it all. Sept. 14th my birthday. Perfect. I don’t wish to go into the details of my heart ache, I just want the pain and loneliness to cease. One shotgun from Walmart $150, box of shells $10, alleviation from thirty four years of emotional upheaval fucking priceless.
I don’t know if my memories are real anymore because they blur with my dreams of you. I dream of how things should have been. As you torture my mind I cling tighter to those memories and dreams and I feel guilty for loving him now that you are gone. I feel guilty. I don’t feel like I deserve any happiness because you didn’t have any, I feel like I’m betraying you by building a life with him. But I have to. I’m stronger now since I lost you but I am weak, and stupid. I make bad choices and I hurt people. The ones […]
Reminder that no one really cares about suicidal people these days. Why? Because no one takes them seriously. Why? Because if a mental condition is in your head, no one can see it and people have to take your word that it’s there. The perfect plan for attention whores, most frequently on this site. So I see 50 posts a night about killing yourselves and rarely does anyone do it. They come back saying “My attempt failed.” But honestly, it’s easy to kill yourself. I understand that it’s not always a hit and win, but still, the success rate has to be much higher than […]
You label me as high functioning. Apparently that is my anchor. The fact I can go to work and attend university. That I present a facade of normality that rivals that of any you have ever seen. I assume, in the way it is delivered, that it is meant to be a compliment. That it manifests in some super human strength to carry on living while I am already dead. The reality is much less glamorous. I spend my work days pretending to bother myself with their petty and inconsequential issues, generally a result of their own stupidity. Then I go to school, and expend […]
Karma
As I sit under this empty tree,
I wonder how life could be so cruel to me.
I give my all to those around,
But karma doesn’t come back and surround.
There are no answers that I can see,
To ease this pain inside of me.
But it will end sooner than you know,
When all I have to do is let go.
I cannot wait for karma to return,
The love for my soul that I most yearn.
All I hope is you learm from this,
To take more care of those you might miss.
D.A
.
.
author- me 2013
I had many more poems, but sadly I lost the only copies when I couldn’t afford my storage shed […]
I have finally given up my will to live. I know that there’s no point, when all I have to look forward to is more of the same. Even if I were to manage to get through this period in my life, it would just be another rotation of the wheel that is my mental health. I might be able to get help and become “happy” again, but my depression will just come back around again and again. So I’ve given up the will to fight any longer. That part of me is gone. My will is dead. Like it was a real person. Will […]
For a long time I’ve known I would die by suicide. I know now that this time has come. I’ve come to the end of my mortal life and I can’t live any more. The only unknown in this equation is when. I’ve been hospitalised an average of four times a year for the last four years for mood symptoms and psychosis. This feeling of expiring has been building for a couple of years now and it’s grown to the point of no return. I’m not sure that I can come back from this feeling. This feeling of complete emptiness, blockage, doom, the end. The […]
“Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.” – Exodus 3:5b
My life is one that has been ravaged. I portioned out the substance that I once had to the rats and cockroaches in the deepest gutters of my soul. I am left, a shell, an empty vessel, waiting — wanting — to be filled. I have called myself a Christian, and I have — shamefully — become no more than a stumbling block. I have sold myself to drugs, to alcohol, to sex, and to hate. I want nothing more than to slough off the impurities of my sin. I want […]
Listening to my immortal right now by amy lee, it looks like my past has come back to haunt me, like death is silently calling me, someone is calling me in this wind, someone wants me, loves me, and i need to commit suicide to see that person. the years i have lived are nothing, im empty as my soul, i have nothing to live for, like.. my parents mean nothing to me, nobody means anything to me. do you understand how i feel ?
Where once a bonfire of life could be seen
Now lies a black scorch on the village green
People they departed a few at a time
Even though I’d committed no crime
“There’s no smoke without fire” then “I knew it weren’t true”
How their minds changed when the whole truth came through
That part of the village is still dead and black
And like the friends, it’ll never come back
Even in sleep my mind is filled with thoughts that all come back to the same finality.
As I have been unable to work for almost 2 years, the old grey matter hasn’t been getting much of a work out, say for the odd long walk with my dog’s. There are some times several days where the 3 of us just stay in our own little ‘nest’, only surfacing about 20 minutes before my other half arrives home, and painting on that smile that says everything is ok.
Then it’s a few cans of lager, my sleeping meds, and a few blessed hours of rest. This time […]
The arm of … the angel of death, hurts
Nobody knows, nobody, nobody knows
Treacherously holding our scythes for
The dying ones, nobody, nobody knows
The angel, the angel.
Time, has proven to be, eternal, to me
Passing time, I am the ultimate spawn
I will never come back, I will never
You have to help me, the homage of the undead
Take me, take me … To go die.
The black whisper, the white viper
The abstract story, one does not enlighten
And all is forever lost, transcendence, the pain
My nature, my spawn, into your death
Calypso, we were going to destroy the world.
Somebody save me, Sakura […]
well lastnight whent… well when i landed it knocked all the wind out of me i gave one hell of a yelp should of kept my trap shut chould of bled out cos of my arm insted mum came out and you can just imagin how much she freeked out i feel so sorry for her thay wiped all the blood of my arm and bandaged it up couldent beare the imbarisment of a suicidel son how whould that efect them and there reputashion “oh my” takes the piss im not upset i didunt die any more im up set cos my mum and dad […]
No matter how hard I try to distract myself and think of good thoughts, the bad ones always come back and persist. It has gotten to the point where I just want to kill myself and end it all. I can’t handle anything anymore
so today im not shure good day yes frat with sreess
me and mum fell out over nothing i cut badly im worry about my gf cheeting on me and not talking to me and why is she not talking to me i take £5 and gtfo find a frend to bring me up met a girl robyn shes nice iv helped her befor she was going to this party that i had beentold by mum not to go to i think to my self for a secions you whent to jamaca so cal and colarado (sorry to any ameracans for buchering names) and all befor […]
how meny roads must a man walk down befor you can call him a man
my favoret song i never understould it not really but its about the vam war
but i still conect with it evrey were i look i see death
im sorry but tonight iv got to go to bed all the guys iv messaged im sorry i just cant to meny bad memoreys have come back tonigh