My psychologist says I’m having an existential crisis and have been my whole life pretty much. It’s strange coz I just laughed when she told me, I am numb; it wasn’t funny. I don’t care about my family anymore, I don’t care how my suicide would affect them; I just wanna die.
“Cow” by Sparklehorse, I’ve been cutting to this song for three years so it’s quite sad and trigger-ey for me. I remember this one time I was cutting, I accidently stabbed myself and it went about 4cm in. I find it funny that I can mess myself so bad and no one ever […]
Tag:
Cow
We are not free. We are cattle. We are managed and oppressed debt slaves…The world is one big farm. I don’t know if other people realize things like I have. They say “slavery” has been abolished but it hasn’t. Its been redefined and covered up so that you do not know you are a slave. How? you ask… Well because of how slavery works. If you keep a cow confined in a tight box it will bash its head against the cage and kill or injure itself…but If you allow it more room to operate it becomes more productive and gets more money for the […]
I used to be so happy especially at school I don’t really get bullied and this year im in year 6 and I really found my true friends I was happiest at school and going to school. I’ve liked loads of guys nothing big just like fake crushes but then I really like this guy called Christian and then there was this little rumour that he like this girl in his class coz he is a year younger but the classes are really close and from what he’s said he doesn’t. but still doesn’t stop my heart from hurting and at home for the last […]
The first time I tried to kill myself was on November 3rd 2012.
I was friends with this girl Tori, and then one day, for no reason I know of, she changed. She hated me. I didn’t know what I did. But that week after she changed was hell for me. She called me things, made fun of me, tripped me, hit me. And on that day, I’d had enough. When I get on the bus, I instantly regretted it. It’s like I could feel that I was going to go home and kill myself. My bus stop is the first one, right before hers. When […]
I am ugly. I am fat. I am everything you say I am.
I am a btch. I am a slut. I am nothing compared to you.
I am stupid. I am horrible. I am worthless and a fat cow.
I am a horrible person. I hate myself and want to die.
All because you told me I was these things.
All because you bullied me. I can barely speak.
I have lost everyone. I believe it’s because
I am small.
No one would want a stupid btch like me.
No one would care if I died.
No one would mourn if I died.
No one would see me if I cried.
Everyone caused me to not […]
4 weeks ago I changed antidepressants from citalopram to sertraline. Since then I’ve been paranoid and have anxiety issues, which I never had before, and the depression comes in waves now. Some times I feel ok, and then i’ll plummet and wish I could just take the scalpel to my throat. I feel so alone. No one cares about me. I don’t blame them, I’m not likeable, very boring, hate going out, hide in my room, am short fat and ugly, a triple threat. It just seems pointless. If I’m to spend the rest of my life alone, what’s the point in living it? I […]
continuation of things i dislike sorry im going crazy i need to get this out
by idunno
written by idunno
im panicking just let me get this out
(i dont mean for anyone to take these things too personally, i just need to share..)
i might come across really negative, dont let it effect you… im really a good person)
please feel free to give me some suggestions to add to the list, i’d really appreciate any feedback
i hate the doctors office
i hate cards (birthday, greetings….theyre so corny
the dentist
the phrase “how are you” and the conforming answer”well, thanks, yourself?”
hate how there’s little options as to what you get in life.
perfume
i hate how i have to lie to myself by thinking positively
i hate how i wanna runaway but i […]
A few weeks ago I fled to India, I fled because if i stayed in Ireland I would have killed myself. I have lost so many people in my life, I have made some serious mistakes and I have tried to help most of the people I have encountered. But now I am lost…
Things I have done in India.
1. I have visited people who are so poor its beyond belief, I used to live on the streets but this is crazy, they have nothing and no one cares.
2. I have met some amazing people, people who invite me into their homes and talk […]
This is my first entry on this site; so, instead of giving an elongated sob story about how much my life sucks and appears to be in the sh*tter, I figured I’d give it a different spin to, hopefully inspire those who feel they’ve hit rock bottom. However, I won’t do the complete opposite by telling people to suck it up and take it like a man because I feel everyone has trials and tribulations of varying degrees that I cannot entirely comprehend or judge. Ultimately, we’re all different, and the one thing people on this site have in common that I wholeheartedly […]
Among your greater sorrows let’s still take a minute to mourn yet another significant loss of freedom for me
written by The Absurdist
Welp, I “finally” start working on Monday, which is quite frankly an unmitigated disaster. Not only I’ll be alone and hopeless as usual but robbed of about 80 % of my time for the sake of stupefying grinding slavery.
Because life always does get better doesn’t it? Can’t even do anything “drastic” for a quite while, honor bound to certain parameters and whatnot. So the trap is truly and well closed.
Let’s have a toast to a life of ever increasing resignation and small everyday horrors.
Dear office dweller,
Perhaps you like your job? Or even love it?
Perhaps you don’t mind doing it for forty or fifty […]
Life seems to be like piano keys: black & white.. black & white.. We make decisions what cause a chain of actions. We make fails, we make victories. Nobody’s fault.
Jill Bolte Taylor, scientist in this video, made me think over my life and things around… Really good stuff to watch.
These days seems great – i bought a new car, spoke with my bro (made him apologize and little peace between us), my boss in job sent me to teach kids how to make CPR – it was great expierence. Before a few days boss saw me smoking in the yard of ambulance.. Come on! She […]
im in 8th grade. i went to a public school but at the moment im @ a learning center. how was i supposed to go to school when, whenever i turn the corner im being beat up, threatened with knifes, pushed to the ground and called fat, ugly, whore, ****, freak, creep, big boobed peice of s***, lousy turd, stupid, dumb. its so hard to handle. the only thing i could do was run into the bathroom sit against the wall and cut. i made that mistake in 2nd grade. a girl told me i looked like a dirty cow!!! so i asked the teacher […]