My parents hit me like crazy, yelling nonstop, and a little sister that hits and bites and screams at me. I walk somewhere else, and they don’t even notice I’m out! Yesterday, I thought about just ending it. They probably wouldn’t care.
Tag:
crazy
Very bad day. Holding on but its fucking excruciating.I feel burdensome and taxing to my kids… I can feel every emotional crime iv comitted or been the victim of inside my chest ,and I can see the bloody trail of abandonment ive left in my wake .If only.if only..IF ONLY ……….but theres no one for me anymore,and what right do I have to even imagine I can have another chance. Ive thought that once th kids are both in college,that I could be with someone again-but its delusional of me.Ive used all my chances up..I just want to walk out the door and into the […]
I spoke with someone tonight about feeling suicidal. It made me feel better to know it doesn’t make me crazy. I was told to do things that distract me when I feel that way. I can see that, but again… how long do distractions last? I want the thoughts to go away. Not creep into my mind ever again. I don’t want to keep feeling this way period. Not just suicidal.
Who am i.
What am i.
Is any of this real.
I was brought into existence so why the fuck cant i feel.
I’ve thought myself crazy
Nothing seems benign.
I cant bring myself to distinguish good times from death that passes by.
It’s fake.
A lie.
It’s all just in my mind.
It started with philosophies but now i don’t know if i’m alive.
Who am I.
Ok, a few years out of high school I decided that I was ready to die. Things weren’t bad, I had a job that put a little money in my pocket, I had a great car and I was dating a girl who was fun to be with, but still I was just ready to go. Then I meet a new girl that I fell in love with. I figured she wouldn’t stay with me for to long, there was a bit of an age gap between us. So I figured I would ride it out and see how I felt when she finally moved […]
i call this dark place home. i am stuck living with my crazy family. but i will get out of here one way or another. help me if possible.
it’s so hard to talk when you want to kill yourself. its not a mental thing– its a physical thing. it is physically hard to open your mouth and talk. the words come out like your retarded and you just cant do anything about it. we were born to die, right? so i might as well just end it now… its crazy how this world can be so confusing. i try to be someone im not so people love me… i fake a smile so people dont question me. i pretend that it doesnt hurt but in reality im in so much pain its crazy. […]
This is not going to be an easy night, but i have made promises to people that i care for deeply that I will not doing anything crazy. As most of my posts, I praise my brother because he is the honestly the only reason I am still here. Love you brother and I hope my problems do not take away from your honeymoon. Sleep well SP.
Im 26 today. Every day i live is another day i pray to die. How fucked up is that. I keep praying to god that he’ll just take me his own way. Car accident. Heart attack. Allergic reaction. The flu. Some crazy disease. Cancer. Being hit by a car. Even kidnapping, I dont really care anymore. Ive already been raped… Rape and murder would be better than this shit. I just dont want to get to the point where i have to do it myself. Why cant i just accidentally take the wrong step going up the stairs and, bam, thats all she wrote. Its crazy […]
Depression triggered from a heartbreak and how it has ruined my life.
by greenone
written by greenone
I am young. The love of my life recently left me a few months back, my friends left me too because they did not want to deal with the tension between us. Suddenly I am gone, I am not there anymore. I am in my twenties and in college, my parents say perhaps the best thing for me is to move to a new city and start again. I can live with my mother in that city and need not to worry about society, which I have totally withdrawn from. Maybe they are right, maybe they are not. The pain is excruciating. I cannot describe […]
Just because I don’t want to live, does mean I don’t want a good life, I don’t want to sit around an wait to die, funny the things you randomly ponder
i’m trying hard to keep my mind under control, with all these silly thoughts, and the frustration that builds up over things that aren’t that important, and also trying to ignore the temptation I’m having lately to drink
As I sit here typing this, I feel like such a mess, an I realise how far I’ve fallen, and how fast, even though I didn’t have far to go, I set the scene as a crazy […]
I must sound like a fucked up crazy clown. My torment, so unnatural.
Stuck here behind my labyrinth.
The guitar sounds heavy. Never reaching the melody.
For if it ever does, here, in our circus.
Why is it that you fall. Why is it that I fall.
Lost, killing to each other.
If you can add to the song, what would you even say.
It seems that our hearts have all slipped away.
ill never be good enough, ill always just be a stupid crazy whale. like yesterday when i was walking down the street and someone yelled out “whale”! and i couldnt stop crying. my boyfriend treats me like shit , but thats probably because i am a piece of shit. im crazy. and i cant live with myself anymore. i dont know how to live anymore. i cant wait til i get the balls to just down all my meds at once.
I had an appointment with my mental health team again today, or something that resembled that, as it was agnes again, the women who’s job a monkey could do, which sounds cruel I know, but she studied for what three to five years to be a counsellor, yet displays no professional skill, its like talking to one of my mums friends, or some women who just walked in off the street
To be honest I was in a mood, she started off by saying ‘what a lovely day, good day to get some washing out, do you ever hang out washing’ I didn’t reply, so […]
Its hard when you don’t really have anyone to turn to, it can be a lonely existence
Over the last year, I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut when I’m around the people in my life, because I know they are no longer interested in what I have to say, or how messed up I feel, but I guess I can’t blame them, but the one thing that makes me angry is when they say ‘I know how you feel’ or ‘I’ve been through the same thing’ its not a competition but if each person suffered the same, one treatment would work for everyone
Lately I’ve formed […]
a few weeks ago. a new girl joined my school.
dang that girl. the only person i know that can give you the evil eye. ( without actualy giving you the evil eye) and when she gives you the evil eye. you feel like your being sent to hell ( mind the language).
but yet i still find myself atracted to her.
she hates my guts. 😀 she hates my with a pasion :-D. but still haha
you get what i mean RIGHT im not going crazy AM I? IF I AM. then yea im crazy lol
Drunken Religion:
On the off chance the inspiration in me
Is genuine and not a result of the chemical mix within me
I present myself to the universe whole
And request forgiveness for the sin that breeds beauty within me when I can’t feel my soul
My inhibitions turn up dead
Life is crazy and I can’t decide whether God only exists in my head
False bravado is the solution when
Cheap vodka is my only friend
The love of my life passed me by tonight
In the dark in the wee hours of graduation night
At first I wasn’t sure it was her and […]
my brother… he needs help. He attacked me and i accidentally cut him with a plate that i was holding in my hand. im scared and shaking and really hurt how he could do that to me. now he is justifying himself to my mom. “defending himself”… thats not how it happened he knows that or maybe he really is crazy. i need to leave this house for a breather
To be honest, I just really want out of this life. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take the worrying about my future. I can’t stand the fact that I’m completely ugly. I can’t stand the fact that I can never chose the right religion. I can’t stand the fact that I’m so open about how I feel with everyone in the world. I’m just so fucked up in the mind, and there’s so much that races through my head. There are just so many thoughts, and they’re crazy and weird. I’m crazy and weird. I’m stupid. I’m always fucking something up. People try […]
I used to think it was SSRI’s. The Lexapro, Paxil, Lexapro doing it to me. I would have these dreams that I could not separate from reality. My therapist at the time told me it was lucid dreaming because at some point in the dream I would be able to say this is not real and wake up. The problem is I don’t take an SSRI anymore so it worries me that I can still dream this way. Am I going crazy? Sometimes I feel like I can’t even separate my dreams from reality. I wake up crying saying someone has passed away or my […]