Everyone around me lies to me and pretend they care then crush me by calling me names and beating me to the ground with their words. They let other people join them in their sadistic fun and they slowly kill me all day and night. Suicide seems like my only salvation now death seems like it will be new life.
Tag:
Crush
Lately it seems like everything is falling apart. I used to be so into church. God was everything to me. I finally got married to the woman of my dreams. I had a crush on her since i was just a boy. Everything seemed to be going great. We were married on July 28th 2012. Almost a year now. I had a great job, was a member of a wonderful church, and things seemed like they couldn’t get any better. Then i lost my job last December just before Christmas! Everything started to go down hill from there. Things seemed like they were going to […]
Okay so, my best friend (let’s say her name is Anne). So Anne and I are best friend we tell each other all our secrets and we  always hang out, she truly is my best friend. Well one day Anne was feeling really down and she asked me to give her some guys that should could talk to so I Did. At the time I had a huge crush on this guy (let’s say his name is drew). So drew was the best he was sweet and kind and he said he had feelings for me.  I thought he could make Anne feel better. So […]
I’ve been fine, I can honestly say that the days counting up to the end of the school year I have not been depressed in the slightest and have been looking forward to finding things to do, but I feel depressed again and a bit suicidal and have no direction “why am I living?” if I died there’d be ruckus for a bit but life would move on regardless of how much I would want people to miss me. Thinking like this makes me reminisce because I’m feeling very small and unimportant, I’m was always willing to change myself because I thought how I was […]
My life was great up until 6th grade girls became attractive, any guy who went near my crush became Satan. I was this super overweight, annoying gay guy with no life. Ok guys, sorry to rain on your parade asshole, but I’m straight, blah blah blah, suicide attempt after suicide attempt, failing everytime.
Moving on to 7th grade, my crush sort of became my obsession. She was amazing, and then she rejected me, enter my new friend, cutting. Then my crush became my hatred. Then my crush again. Then I gave up, and started taking interest in a new girl, she was beautiful, with her […]
I’m 15 and sad. I know these dark thoughts are bad and I should get help but I honestly don’t want to depend on anyone for my weakness. I don’t know whether im depressed or just sad… all I know is that I feel empty and really dark all the time. I don’t remember when this all started and I don’t know when im getting better. I have self-harmed before and I still do. I remember the first time I took a blade to my wrist I was only 12. At an age like that I should have been happy and going out playing in the sun. […]
I am 49 yrs old male  i was accused of doing something that is just not true and was told to leave.after 20 yrs of marriage all i have to show for it is a computer.i dont get to see my young children and now  they don’t want to talk to me.So i really have no reason to live anymore.so now i have acquired 380 Tramadol 150mg tabs and 150 endep tabs and 70 meloxicam tabs the plan is to crush them and add them to a drink and just go to sleep and not wake up.without my children i have no life so why be here how can people be so cruel and spiteful.
ok so im noticing a fucking pattern.
every time a suicide attempt fails within a few days something good comes out of it.
with that ive been majorly depressed and tried commiting suicide the other night well no duh i failed.
go back to a year ago, i had a crush on my friend who had a girlfriend so i respected that and tried not to make this a big fucking deal…to late for that. my friend is really suicidal and last yr i always had my suicide notes/poems with me taped to my binder for school well he saw it and read it once he […]
My Names Jade And This is My Story ……..Well , it all started when I was in 1st grade……yeah , early right? I was being bullied everyday , not like calling me names when they walk by , 12 boys everyday at recess , pushed me on the ground and kicked me and hit me and threw things at me ……i tried telling teachers , and they thought I was faking , my own cousin tried stopping it ….she would grab a teacher , and they didn’t care either , I brought my mom and my mom even saw the boys kick me and beat […]
Omg!!!! Today Vyas (#My.Crush)Â looked at me and kept looking at me multiple times… I am exited because he looked at me in a way that didnt mean he was mad at me (well um.. he wouldnt get mad at me becuase he has never talked to me before)… it meant he was just calm and just wanted to see my face (i…guess)
Sooo, I have a new crush. His name is Austin. God, he is so cute. He has blonde hair, a six pack, braces (I like braces, for some reason), and I think he has blue eyes. I went to my friend’s house yesterday, and it was her brother’s birthday. He had some friends over, and Austin was one of them. We played football, did random stupid stuff, and I had a lot of fun with him. I swear he was flirting. He insulted my favorite video game, started to tease me slightly, and then ran away. I chased him around, too. I can run a […]
So, my crush, and I have been talking, and hanging out, we just told each other how we feel about each other, but one problem, he has a girlfriend. -_- . But last night, we kissed. He is a really sweet guy, and is always there for me, we were best friends, but falling in love with your best friend just mixes things up. I don’t know what to do, he said he will be the “dad” of my baby. But he is still with, her. I want to call him mine, but maybe he doesnt even care. i’m stuck.
My back hurts. My head hurts. I feel like I might vomit. My life feels so boring no matter what my shrink says. I wish I was in 19someting movie. My scalp iches. I wish I was so nieve and care-less. Maybe I’m just very pessimistic. Where’s my gold ticket, and the green haired migits?
Where’s Cindy Lauper singing about my friends and having a adventure?
Where’s my duckie and my rich kid crush? And where is the alian I found in my back yard?
Where is the romance and the other friends I met in books? I don’t think I’m sad,mad..not even numb […]
So like an hour ago, I got a visit from 2 of my best friends here in Oxford.
One of them is a girl. Another is a boy, which if you read my last post, my crush.
I told them, I was drunk while I was in the State, I know I promise them not to get drunk again after that night in Oxford. They were pretty mad, which of course, they have absolutely right to, I deserve that.
They began to preaching me about being depress, choice to get drunk blah blah blah
And then they asked, why I have to be depress? when has this begin?
You know […]
I need stability and a clear mind.
In July, my best, Eleanor, lost* her father.
In August, she lost* her mother. Eleanor and her brother then moved into her grandmother’s house.
In September, her aunt flew down from Brooklyn. Eleanor, her brother, and her grandmother moved to NYC with the aunt. By and by, in my own personal life, my uncle died suddenly. I was very close to him and needed him very much.
In early October, my english teacher had two heart attacks in very quick succession, and she died.
Let me clear something up: I am not sad that these people died. It sounds cold, but let me explain. In the […]
I’m so lonely…  I really want to fall in love again. But nothing is good enough for me. And I’m not good enough for my crushes. Why do I always chase after popular, handsome guys who have no interest in me? Why can’t I be happy with a guy who actually likes me? Just because they aren’t handsome? But… Maybe I should try o date with some simple guy? But.. I really can’t… I just feel worthless because of them… I don’t like them and I don’t want them, so why they are trying to get me anyways?
And there’s very handsome guy in my school that […]
I pop on most days to work on a project, or to write a reply. Some days I’ll just read quietly. I speak up when I have something to share but I realize my voice just like before doesn’t mean much.
When I was younger I was a listener and I was forced to be a talker. To be a talker to make myself clear and to stop assumptions about me.
A phrase rings through my head “You can’t be a hero” at 12 years old my father did everything to crush my hopes. I did little things, I donated a little money, I held open […]
Laying in the pure darkness
Paralyzed with pain
Screaming yet unable to breath
No one waits for you
No one wants for you
Enduring the days
With measured tolerance
Blocking out the pain
But the night comes
And there is no end in sight
Watching others’ joy in one another
No one thinks of you
No one cares for you
The bitter loneliness
Cuts deeper than any machete you inflict upon yourself
Not understanding how you are worth so little
The ones you love
Don’t even see you
When you hand them your heart on a silver platter
Not caring, they crush it underfoot
No one stops for you
No one knows […]
I hate people.
I hate being fed up.
I hate seeing people I used to be friends with being happy without me.
I hate Facebook.
I hate being tired.
I hate the movie theater.
I hate love.
I hate that guy who I have a crush on who is embarrassed to be my friend in public, but loves to videochat for hours whEn it is just the two of us.
I hate that I let people use me.
I hate my parents.
I hate my siblings.
I hate school.
I hate drugs.
I hate that my friends do drugs.
I hate being an ugly person.
today i was talking to this guy i like for 3-4 months right. and he told me he  take culinary arts. and i said “really, you takke culinary arts”? i said it in a kind of mean way but i was just playing with him like always, and then he looked at me and said
“Do you take 101 classes on how to be ugly, because if so your doing a great job on it”.
He didnt have a smile on his face, or anything, he was serious, and he turned around. i know when he’s joking and when he’s not, and he did have an attitude […]
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