Money’s scarce but family honor
Brings it home, brings it home
And down the shop the tongues they snicker
TV dinners, beer and liquor
http://youtu.be/qKDc6F0yXdw
Skeletons fall out of cupboards
Curtains drawn fall open to allow
The light shows up the dust
That plays around your face
Innocence and lies don’t make a perfect match
Leave your door unlatched
I know a word can be untrue
And yet still move you
How do you live when you feel like nothing exists? Like everything is really pointless because were all going to die anyway. Feeling like life has to be a joke…that things cant possibly work like this. Nothing ever lasts, every moment has already passed and theres not a thing you can do to get it back. And it all hurts so bad…that the very short moments you have…your sickness wont even let you enjoy, so you feel your just living to suffer, living just to hurt. Feeling like life has to be a joke that theres no way that your so alone with billions of […]
I sit at the table. And there’s a teddy resting under my chair. I sit here alone, in this room. No one knows I sit here. I don’t know whether it’s day or night, I don’t care. The air is light and it smells of quartz, so lulling. The whole room is blue, only the lamp on the table is pale yellow, like a moth. I sit here and dream, and I talk to the lamp. The clock on the wall is ticking rhythmically, like a metronome…Â
I pick up the teddy from under the chair, and I put it on the table […]
There’s no life with clean breaks
Or no chance we can’t take
Forgiveness lies too deep
To be vanished away
So flawless from the outside
Never trust a stranger
Farewell to our hearts
Remember the so-called desire
A brand new spirit destiny
Won’t let my mind play tricks on me
Closed chapters, opened curtains
To let myself be focused
Through coldest nights we found ourselves marching
Summer nights were meant to save us
And stop us from aching
I don’t need another tragic ending
No time for precious glorifying
What’s left in me will be better shortly
I learned too much, I’ve seen it all
I stood outside the window as the wind and cold played its part in making me numb enough to watch him cheat. I had just gotten home after I had been in the hospital for 2 weeks, and had gone to visit him to see what project had kept him busy enough to only allow him the time to see his ill girlfriend once during her time in the hospital.
I heard her moaning as I approached the door, and naturally I had to see with my own eyes, so I peered into the window with the slit in the curtains.
It was her, a […]
I’ve landed back at my mom’s after yet another bipolar misfortune and It’s just torture to see how happy they are here. I am the weird vampire with  permanently shut curtains in an enclosed chamber that forcibly goes out only when strictly necessary. Still the door is not thick enough to prevent my family’s loud and constant laugher from reaching my ears. I get to hear their phone conversations and how they constantly make plans to meet others, go out to restaurants, country houses, trips and even to have sex. I want to strangle them. They once asked me, would you rather all of us […]
not sure why i’m writing/posting this except that i so crave someone to talk to. this will have to do.
i just can’t see how things are going to get better. ever. i’ve made such a mess of things. i feel like i am holding everyone around me back. like i am the one stopping my kids from having access to a good life. i am such a complete loser, unable to function most of the time. i can’t provide for my family and we are now in dreadful poverty. if i were to die everyone around me would be better off. materially, there is no […]
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