I honestly thought this summer I would be able t talk and hang out with my friends. My best friend said that no matter what I needed, she would be there for me. This morning I got in a huge fight with my mother, she threatened to hit me which made my dad step in and tell her to back off. I’m honestly lucky that he is there for me. But even though the fight was over, I still felt horrible. The things she said hit me like a bullet to the heart. Reality hit me, it hit me hard. I felt like […]
Tag:
cuts
I was wearing a Houston Texans wirstband to cover my ex’s name.My cousins are coming over so now I’m wearing the wristband on my arm to cover the cuts.The other day I kinda went all out cutting so I’m glad this wristband Is big cause the area where I cut Is pretty big.No lie It feels good.
I was happy everyday I would be happy playing with my friends and family then things changed I went into care and I just felt so lost???? I didn’t know what to do I was in year 5 when I begun cutting it tore my family apart and they would check my arms for cuts they wouldn’t check my legs though in year 6 things became a lot better I was bullied for a while though in year 7 my depression took over I would cut until my arms and legs were red I smoked and did some drugs I didn’t know how to stop […]
So there I was. Laying in the cold water in the tub holding my arm. So many cuts, but none of course would have do exactly what I wanted. Yes, I’m talking about me dying. My thoughts on just laying there bleeding out came across my mind a lot. It wasn’t how I wanted it. I wanted to go fast and simple. Never knew how I would do it exactly. As more and more tears ran down my face the sickening feeling I kept getting in my stomach. So I attempted to drown myself, yes it sounds silly. I laid under the water still surprisingly […]
When I pray, I pray for death. The scars on my arm cry for recognition. Recognition of a cause, recognition of a solution. They draw attention, but never a consolidation. One would have to care to consolidate. They never cared about me or my pain. The pain that draws me from sleep, the pain that crushes my soul. The pain of never knowing a real family. A family to call my own. A family who’s veins run with the same blood . A family begot from love and trust. I never knew a family. I never knew a mother. I never knew a father. She’s […]
Well, I am going to write about what has occurred in my life; when my depression started etcetera. I don’t really care if someone reads this or not, I just really need to write it down. I was in a abusive friendship with a girl who lived 3 doors down from my house. I met her when I 3 years old and stayed best friends with her for 10 years. I know what you are thinking. An abusive friendship from the ages of 3-13? Well this “friendship” contained of me feeling like complete and utter crap 24/7 because of the friend mentally destroying me (intensely I […]
I cut my stomach up today. I don’t ever count my cuts or burns but I know there’s close too a hundred. If I don’t cut I get irritable. My skin crawls. Sometimes I can go without cutting for a few weeks! It’s Rare but it’s happened! I was doing really well until today. I got very depressed because I broke up with my boyfriend and I just thought about how meaningless my life is, basically. Everything is better now but the cuts are still there.
I’m tired of life, i am so tired that today i forgot to hide my wrist. I am so caught up and lost in this depression that i don’t even know what to do with myself anymore. My mother saw my cuts, she yelled and i yelled. I am now placed in therapy and under suicide watch. I am trapped , i can no longer be alone and that just makes me want to die more. My next cut is going to be deeper and the other deeper and deeper. Am i hurting others? Or am i just hurting myself ? i thought i was […]
So this girl and I went out and we both have a hard life alcohol, I smoke weed, I have abusive parents always bullied we broke up but remained friends we both cut she saved my life because when I met her I was planning suicide we both started cutting again after the break up and we promised each other we wouldn’t cut again and I told her if she cuts then I will to. Two weeks ago she broke the promise she cut and so later that day I to did to all in this day she told me she loves me she told […]
A month, wasted. Clean for a month, no cuts, no new scars. Now….wasted
The worst feeling for me is when my mum sees my cuts and scars and just gives me the most disgusted look and says “just stop that.. its wrong”.
Thanks mum i feel the love
it all started about 8 months ago, recently I had noticed that things got to me alot and they got to me pretty easy. One day, my family were putting me down and they always would compare me to other people, this made me want to just cry. My family relatives would either not notice me or they would just ignore me, they always got annoyed at me if I didn’t socialise with my family but when I tried I got nothing back they would say they were “disappointed” in me and not really care. I was sitting in the bath and as I looked […]
I thought for once, I’d be able to be okay. It’s hard to think when all these thoughts are in your head. You’re like a ticking time bomb. The wrong person cuts a wire, and you explode. And you’re nothing. Because they made you feel worthless. Like everything you ever did for them was nothing.
I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. Life is just taking control of everything. It’s summer and my mom still hasn’t found out about my cuts and scars. I just need someone to talk to, please? Someone that understands me. I just miss the Jada I used to be.
I prayed for normal
Oh, how I prayed.
I was so young, and didn’t know that those didn’t actually work.
Given too much too young,
you can’t help.
I wish that this was simple enough for you to understand.
I wish that what I’ve already told you was it. Wouldn’t that be nice?
But there’s more, there’s so much more underneath my skin and on those cuts
I prayed for normal.
I honestly see all these posts about how the short drop is the most painful and it takes a long time but is it really? I’ve tried partial suspension and that’s not painful at all. It’s just like pressure, that’s it. I do wonder how the short drop would take any longer and be anymore painful? I mean it still cuts off your circulation so you are bound to pass out, but i doubt it would take 5 min. Can someone explain??
Last night we had a fight. I haven’t spoken to you since you told me you liked me and since I told you about my cutting and eating disorder. And then we stopped talking. Why? It can’t be answered with any fairness because you decided to stop texting anyone to see who would answer. Did i text? No. Why? Because how am i supposed to talk to you after I’ve just opened up to you and after you just confessed your feelings for me. Awkward? Hell yes. It was so awkward to talk to you because YOU made it awkward but now when we fought […]
I keep hearing people say, it gets better or that now I can start over fresh. They tell me to keep my chin up & my nose down. Keep myself busy, focus on work but remember to relax & take some time to enjoy things. They tell me I will feel better soon and the words sting like tiny cuts exposed to the cold black ocean. Every word they utter another crack at my facade & I wonder how much they see. They must see more than I think since most of my conversations end up here. Oh to be like my baby sister who […]
Well, where to begin. I’m new to this whole thing. I figured, why not express how I to a bunch of people I don’t know? So, here goes it.
Im 16, no I’m not perfect, Â no I don’t have the worst lifestyle a human could have, but it could definitely be a hell of a lot better. I am now a sophomore in high school, and if anybody told you that high school was easy, they’re lying to you. Quit while you have the chance.
I have been bullied since the fourth grade. Crazy right? Who knew that girls could be so mean. I was always quiet, […]
All of this stuff that they say I have to look forward to, this amazing life that they say I’ll have. But the way I feel will never change. It’s bullshit, I’ll always be fat and vile. No one will want me. I’ll never be happy and smiling at festivals surrounded by people who want the best for me. I’ll always be in my room depressed and waiting for it all to change – to end. Curtains closed, hidden under the covers. It’s never going to happen. So what is the point. For someone who craves death so much yes I’ll admit I am scared. […]