It’s days like today when I hate you the most for leaving us all alone…it’s days like today when I hate myself for hating you and everything you’ve done. I can’t change the past, I can’t bring you back, and I have no way to get to you because death is just too far away. She brings your light back into the world but it’s days like today when she’s a screaming crying hurricane that I wish you were here so you could quiet the storm, just hold her one time but you can’t even do that. It’s days like today when I hate you […]
Tag:
Days
Days are exhausting and nights drag on.. You haunt my mind and lerk in my memory. I can never seem to get you to leave. As hard as I try to wish you away i know you’ll always be haunting me.. Broken and numb empty to the core
The railing looked so easy to smash my car is heaver then it can hold. These were the thoughts traveling through my head today as I skipped college classes to “run away fro my feelings” . This morning I found out my ex boyfriend already has a new boyfriend. he is thin pretty and motivated. I am none of these. I loved him for the two years we had so deeply only to be tossed asside when out of comfort with him i gained weight and just relaxed. He wanted to break up so badly but he wouldnt be “the bad guy” he would sit […]
62 more days to go. I met my then-future husband in the state where I grew up and was practicing law. His work took him to another state and I accompanied him after we got married. I’ve been a stay at home mom all this time — 13 years. He makes a good living but he’s a compulsive debtor. I kept us afloat with my inheritance — over $100,000. We’re in the middle of a divorce and it looks like our house will have to be sold because I cannot get a mortgage in my own name due to my not having a two-year work history.  I love my house and our daughter […]
Days like today make me recount the week that I was hospitalized and my mother was the ONLY person who visited me, aside from my fiancee, who expressed the entire time how much he didn’t want to be there and constantly found excuses to go do stuff somewhere else. I’m so lonely. I’m not sure what it is about me that just repulses people. Nobody acts like they truly want to spend time with me. Right now I’m sitting alone at my kitchen table while I watch all of my fiancee’s friends play the new Mario Kart 8. There’s nowhere for me to sit and […]
How do other people manage? Â Going about the mindlessness of life. Â I guess they drink themselves silly and distract themselves with other meaningless things. Â Squabbles over stupid crap or finding something they can say serves as an interest or something they can tell an interviewer they do in their free time. Â Even though all of this essentially serves no purpose, at least they have other people and money and can put aside for a moment the general zombification of being a wage slave, the growing dissatisfaction with Western life.
I can feel the pain building inside me, even though they’ve tried to numb me to it. […]
Today sucked…This has got to get better eventually….All that i can think about is ending it all….I dont know what to do…There has got to be more than this…i cant keep going on like this…everyday i feel another piece of me die……
Days since suicidal thoughts: 0
Days since cutting: 0
Feelings at the moment:
~Anguish
~Numb
~Wishing for death
It’s been 10 minutes since I cut last.
Big deal right?
Not.
I promised my boyfriend I wouldn’t cut anymore.
Of course I broke.
I knew I wouldn’t last more than 2 days.
Which,
I was wrong.
I lasted 3.
can’t I just,
lay here
forever
with you
my invisable.
In audible words, unspoken.
but heard.
beaded with glossy notes
enforced to falter.
condencing, misting
I peer into my own heart
and I cry.