I’ve been depressed for years. Abused at an early age by a neaighbor.. That was the start. I got into trouble hung out with the assholes for no reason other them they were in pain too. I have a beautifal family who i love so much. It kills me to be the way i am. I went to prison i hurt people in fights and i paid dearly for it. I found out one day that i wasn’t like the sociopaths i was surrounded by and i had a massive nervous breakdown. I was. Sent to a psych ward and then i spent 18 months […]
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deal
we all got suicide stories, some are sad some are really sad, mine just lame is the same ” i hate my parents suicide story” most people mean it when they say they hate their parents some just hate them when they’re mad. i do hate my parents, well, my mom and her husband. her husband makes my life miserable , he is always yelling at me, saying stupid stuff about me and my mom job is defending him, i hate that i hate they treat me like shit, its been like that for almost 8 years im done. I’ve tried taking my life away […]
Reading through my suicide note and plan and just mad at myself for not going through with it last time when I was so close… Thinking about all of the times I could have done it and I didnt because im such a coward. If I would have, I wouldnt have to deal with the constant aching in my heart… im not sure how much more I can handle before I blow up
Shattering heart,
Wounded soul.
How would she deal,
With all of this pain?
Wrists flowing red,
Mind screaming thoughts.
You’ve never heard a story,
Quiet like this.
She loved to draw,
And she loved to paint.
But, she used the wrong materials,
And it was all to late.
Her pen was a razor.
And her canvas,
Her wrist.
Her canvas was covered,
But she wasn’t finished yet.
Her canvas switched,
From her wrist to her thigh.
She wanted to keep drawing,
To show everyone her pain.
The drawings were getting deeper,
She was nearing the end.
She wanted someone to find her,
With her drawings on her skin.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qsgBF7ZIsk&list=PL_lfsNREdSwx5eGkEOsFse8sWdjwSUi-K&index=44
I’m the one who steps from the shadows, all trenchcoat and cigarette and arrogance, ready to deal with the madness. Oh, I’ve got it all sewn up. I can save you. If it takes the last drop of your blood, I’ll drive your demons away. I’ll kick them in the bollocks and spit on them when they’re down and then I’ll be gone back into darkness, leaving only a nod and a wink and a wisecrack. I walk my path alone… who would walk with me.
What did I do that was so bad to deserve this? Why do I have to feel miserable my whole life I can’t ever have any happiness. As soon as I thought I found Somone that really made me forget about all my problems. “Snap” it’s gone I’m accepting that fact that iv lived alone my show life so I’m going to die alone. That’s fine but I wish I can just die why do I have to go though hell my whole life and kill my self why can’t got just kill me already. Their is no plan for me things aren’t going to […]
Humans are smart and tend to take intelligent decisions always
how to close a business deal, intelligent choices to make life better,the probability calculations, innovations, research.
out of all these most intelligent choice is suicide
Why some people consider it as selfish act?
My problems are probably minimal compared to what others have gone through but it still feels like a lot to me. I feel like my family hates me, they always yell at me, including my sister who is literally trying to control my life at the moment. My parents think i’m immature and probably doing drugs because i like going out with my friends and so they yell at me for nothing. Really they look for reasons to yell at me and everytime I’m yelled at i end up cutting, I don’t want to cut but it’s temporary relief and for a second I forget […]
Here I am again, didn’t kill myself, pretty sure I won’t, but I’m already dead. Told God to leave me alone today, told Satan to take a hike too. How stupid is belief in God? I lay blame at his feet, I try to shame him by saying I would never treat my children they way he treats me, fact is, I do, I ignore the true needs of my son and he is lost just like me. My wife mocks me, says I need help, all I see is a bobble head when she talks and I hate her. I’m numb, dead inside, I […]
Im sick of this pain after school ends i’m gone i’m finally going to do it… my body is deteriorating from not eating from the 7 ibuprofen i take when i get home from school and when people try and don’t you dare say its selfish i’ve tried and tried to make people listen but they all ignore me i’d rather be dead than to deal with this pain…I’m tired of the pain I can’t handle it anymore I’m sorry but this is goodbye
She’s right, whatever her name is
We had a deal.
I hid from the pain
And she took my place.
What if I don’t want to be numb anymore?
What if i’m tired of not feeling anything?
No happiness,
No sadness,
Nothing at all.
She was my shield for many years
She protected me from the horrors of this world
Now I relieve her from her post,
But she doesn’t want to go.
She clings on to me
I can find no way to get her out of my head
“Fat”, “ugly”, “worthless”, “useless”
She knows all my weaknesses and faults
And all she does is point them out.
She moves my arms and legs sometimes
I’m her puppet.
No matter how hard I try […]
Well today was a terrible day. Started off good enough, I felt real for the first time in a while although I’m still hearing what people say repeating in my head, idk what that is, but anyway, I told a joke in school, a joke I won’t talk about but I’ll just say it got taken out of context, and of course the dean of students or whatever the hell you call him and now I’m going to have to deal with this shit. Of course it’s on the fist day I feel real and am starting to wish to continue on this happens. Fuck […]
Since im living this horrible pain, i certainly could realize how cruel the destiny plays his game.. it goes like that: the right person comes in the right moment into your life, and  everything is disposed for teaching you how inevitable disgraces and mistakes are.. something is clear for me: it is not my fault, but at the same time, it is certainly my fault in a way.. that is the painfullest thing: it is like the miracle of the life, with all his unstoppable suffering.. at the end, you are just naked, looking into your empty hands, with no way to set free your […]
Why cant they just understand, just listen to me and how this feels
You dont have to deal with this so you cant fully understand but can you at least try?
Stop telling me to JUST BE HAPPY
Beacuse i want to be happy on my own without the pills but right now i cant
Just please try to unserstand, please im begging……..
school starts tomorrow again.
nothing to look forward to there. friends who don’t care about me. teachers who dont try to help me but simply try find every way to get me kicked out. I’m fighting for my education. failing computer class. that’s only the beginning of it. my boyfriend left me. because he doesnt wanna deal with my bullshit anymore. can I blame him? I’m suicidal, I’ve got hundreds of cuts on my arms, legs, stomach. My family disowned me. I’m only 16. last week I went to jail for beating a girl up. a girl who deserved it but I hit her first. now […]
I feel like somedays I can hide my depression, but lately I just can’t seem to send it away.
Apparently I’m a fake, wannabe because I try to be something I’m not, happy.
I can’t be happy, no matter how hard I try. It’s hard to not burst into tears in front of my parents,
in front of my friends. I just don’t want them to get involved, yet it’s all beginning to be too much.
I will deal with my problems; they can deal with their own. Even though I just want to fall asleep
and never wake up. Just so they […]
I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t want to deal with people at work. I cant
i’ve finally decided to do it. the date will be april 30, after watching the new spiderman 🙂 it’s been a great 25 years of life, but the past two years have just been too much to deal with anymore. somebody told me to love myself, and in this sense, i feel like i am. at least i wont feel anymore pain, right?
i’ve decided to use the hibachi method, hopefully, i can find burning coals along the way.
hey, whoever you are, thanks for reading this. i’ve lost people to talk to. i didn’t want to bother my friends anymore, and my family will just label […]
If I accept myself and my life- will that stop me from not trying to solve my Major Problem that’s causing me a great deal of shame and sense of worthlessness?
If I don’t, won’t that just make me forever miserable?
When my efforts fail and fail and nothing gets better, of course I want to end it all.
Then something may snap me out of that mood, but it is only temporary.
Because my efforts will still fail and fail and for as long as they fail will I have no hope and for as long as there is now hope will I want to leave…
Yet if I […]
Eventually crying yourself to sleep will go away and your mind will tell your brain to just stop, give up, stop. Obviously the tears aren’t helping your depression. They won’t fix things, they won’t make you feel better, the only make you feel worse. Tears drown you in your pain and sorrow and make you over think why you were crying in the first place. Then you find yourself thinking of all the times you fucked up and how you wish things were different and how much you don’t want to deal with people, emotions. And thats all you need to make the biggest decision […]