What did I do

What did I do that was so bad to deserve this? Why do I have to feel miserable my whole life I can’t ever have any happiness. As soon as I thought I found Somone that really made me forget about all my problems. “Snap” it’s gone I’m accepting that fact that iv lived alone my show life so I’m going to die alone. That’s fine but I wish I can just die why do I have to go though hell my whole life and kill my self why can’t got just kill me already. Their is no plan for me things aren’t going to get better they only get worse everyday then every bday that passes by me I think to myself “wow another year of me just being sad” I’m can and won’t deal with another year of this nothing will change. Maybe god has a plan for me after I kill my self? Like send me to hell for commiting a huge sin? So I go through hell my entire life till I can’t handle it anymore I kill myself and go to hell? Why bother even living life anymore. It’s sad that the only thing that puts a smile on my face is knowing I’m gonna die very soon