I am too worn out. It is almost impossible to even stand up out of bed in the morning. My family has rejected me, and I lost my parents to alcohol. I myself have tried to get sober but can’t deal with the mental stress. My last year was spend with my girlfriend struggling with alcoholism. After putting her through the third rehab and countless nights worrying she cheated on me with someone she met there and ran off. I literally gave her every last drop of life I had left and lost all my friends in the process. I went into deep depression and […]
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Lately I’ve been slowly hating myself and wishing harm on myself less and more so moving those feelings and urges towards others. I have PTSD, which causes anxiety at times and just the other day a couple people pointed out my anxiety and how it makes me seem like a timid, pathetic little thing. Let me tell you something. If you grew up with an alcoholic father who abused you physically and mentally while your other family members turned a blind eye (no matter how many times you stuck up for them when they were being abused)… if you were raped when you were only […]
For the first time in a long time, my anxiety is back. I really don’t know what to do. I can’t stop crying. I’ve felt like I can’t breathe for the past two days. I don’t want to deal with this anymore.
Nothing is safe in this world least of all the internet but hre I am anyway b/c I’m so tired of doing this. I wake up exhausted every day and in hell. I have a meds appt. today and as usual will have to take two buses and deal with the shit-tastic city and the triggers. I am running out of steam. It’s hard to do anything with this level of ptsd and my T doesn’t want to know about how bad I feel. My apt. is so cold due to being built above the ground that it made me physically ill this winter, I […]
My cycle of addiction has cost me dearly. I almost can’t recover. Don’t want to deal anymore.
I go for walks every night at around 11-12 hoping that ill be the next murder victim or poor person in that hit and run you see on the news, i do this because i do want to die but i don’t want the people around me to have to deal with the thought that i committed suicide and there to blame for not making my life better, even though some of them are in fact to blame, I don’t like the thought of moving my problem so i want to die in a way that they know there was nothing they could have done about it […]
So far there have been two things, and only two things that have kept me from committing suicide.
1) Fear of the unknown.
This life is terriable yes, unbearable and causes me suffering every single day. I just want out, I just want it to end and I think I would be doing everyone a great deal if I left now. I would be ridding the world of a horrible, evil person. But I believe in being selfish, all I care for is myself and what worries me is what comes after death. What if it turns out worse than what life is like now? […]
I’ve been manic for the past 2+ weeks but on a major come down and feel absolutely crap I saw my cpn yesterday when I was bad with my voices and his coming again on Friday.
I’m so fed up with how I am I just car’t deal with it I don’t mind being minic as I’m happy but that the only time I am
I’ve got a loving family and bf who cares I just don’t want to hurt them but if things don’t change I know i will I’ve suffered from mental illness since I was 15 I’m now 25 I just don’t […]
Hello fellow humanoids,
I am new here, this is my first post, feedback is appreciated.
Recently while delving into the depths of internet suicide material, I came accross a few mentions of how suicide is a very selfish way to die. This rather annoyed me as, on the contrary, I find it a very unselfish, noble way to die. Surely one has a right to be selfish with ones own life? Surely it is those who preach this that are being selfish? They ask us to remain trapped in these useless lives, suffering everyday, just so they dont have to deal with our deaths.
I […]
This is all I’ve ever known. Music. Music is the only thing that makes me feel anything, better even…..sometimes. Well growing up this way I only know how to deal with my emotions through it. Roger Rabbit by Sleeping With Sirens is my anthem. I think that in my note, if I leave one, this song with be written down for them to listen to. Maybe the lyrics will enlighten them a bit. People make fun of me for being so damn consumed with my music, but I don’t think they fully understand that lonely people do things that look “weird” Lonely depressed people do […]
I have been planning to go away permanently for sometime now. I had a practise run and everything is set up.
The way it was determined will not make much sense to anyone. What am I even asking? I don’t know.
They sent me to hospital last Monday. I had not been sleeping I was hearing a lot of commands seeing things in my room. But all this has happened before. I admitted to having attempted to end my life but I have bipolar and bpd and I think that they just see all that as symptoms of my shit.
So the next two days […]
This is my first post on this website, I can’t really relate to a lot of people from this site other than the fact I’m depressed and often suicidal. I think about dieing everyday and what would people think of me if I commit suicide, I know I’m very selfish I have been my whole life, I guess because I was an only child and spoiled growing up,.. We’ll until I turned 18 and I left my parents house and moved out with a friend, I then really had no goals or direction so I started to slang drugs as a runner, with no real […]
So done with you. Instead of just filing a customer complaint you decide to hound me down with personal insults? At least I won’t have to deal with this when I’m dead. Which is soon if all goes to plan and I can thank the school who gave me this ptsd for starting it, and you for finishing it.
Fuck this. Fuck you. ****.
At night is when it gets the hardest I think more I can’t hide my thoughts with distractions. I don’t now how to deal with my pain other then self harm or drinking till I pass out. I want to die most nights because I can see them, I can feel his breath on my ear. I close my eyes tight wondering when it will end. I see blood I feel pain and i wonder why he thought it was ok? I wonder how I can continue to plaster this fake smile I have made up and walk around like I’m ok. I don’t feel […]
I’m very, very tired. I can’t live every day debating whether I should live or not – if I continue living, it’ll stay like this. If I die, I don’t have to deal with this. I know you say it’ll get better, maybe it will, I won’t live long enough to find out. For some reason, I can’t feel happy, even though there’s been cheerful people in the atmosphere. I’m very, very tired. Shall I go about eternal slumber?
I am drinking a beer. I have dried tears on my distant face. I am reminded of the most severe pain I’ve ever experienced. I have glimpsed into my father’s mind and seen a tiny bit of the damage that relentless emotional damage, drugs and physical pain were causing him: before he decided that he did not want to deal with any of it anymore. “…made me turn to drugs and use the needle and my drug addiction to destroy myself..” “Makes me want to be left alone and not bothered by people.” “My moods are usually controlled by how often I think of my […]
So we (people on this site) should go find a deserted island to claim as our own. We will need a flag, of course, as per Eddie Izzard, and a thousand other things, but then the rest of humanity doesn’t have to deal with us, and vice-versa. I vote for the name Nutsia, so the inhabitants can be known as Nuts. >:) What do you think? (And today on “Why do emoticons hate me?”…)
I feel guilty for the way I feel. My life is good, most would call it easy and I have the nerve to be ungrateful. I try to put on a brave face but it’s so hard to pretend you’re okay when you’re not. It’s like every little thing someone says hurts me and digs in. It keeps burrowing under my skin building until I just can’t take it anymore and I know I don’t hide it that well but no one notices. I’ve tried to kill myself before and I take medication and I tell my mom that I just feel empty, but all […]
Where to begin.. I suppose I should begin with my introduction to antidepressants. I’ve gone through several different brands and have yet to be impressed. I’ve always felt the need to avoid medication at all costs, as taking meds would be an admission of emotional instability; Once I get on them, I’m officially crazy. But, I began to sink lower than I ever had before in my previous bouts, and I became fearful enough of my own thoughts that I decided medication was my only option. Scary thing, antidepressants.. All those side effects. The dependency….
I’ve been seeing a girl […]
I am terrified of my parents. I don’t know why. They’re good people, I just hate telling them anything. Whenever I get a grade back, I never tell them unless it’s really terrible or unless they haven’t seen a grade in the class in a long time. Like, sometimes I want to show them a grade, good or bad. But I get so much anxiety from just showing them; approaching them and saying ‘hey I got my —– test back’. I get so much anxiety that I wake up during sleep and my stomach gets that nervous feeling. I have no clue why. I just […]