I find every thing about life exhausting. The daily interactions with other people, all the expectations and obligations. Every aspect of living takes more effort than it is worth. The work the effort we have to put into this existence its just far more than we ever get out of it. I have this secret fantasy, of getting sent to prison on a life sentence. Where I get to serve out the whole sentence in solitary confinement. Just 24/7 locked in my little cell, never seeing anyone else. Just slide a meal tray through the door once or twice a day and leave me alone. […]
Tag:
deal
Money. It’s truly evil. Or in some part evil. I’m sitting here thinking to myself that if I had money, just maybe I wouldn’t feel like my only escape is death. I’m trying not to give up but, shit, winter is just dragging my ass down. I can’t escape from this hell I’m lock away in because going outside entitles freezing my ass off… With no car, it’s extremely hard to get anywhere… You would never guess that a vehicle is almost the most important thing, next to a place to live. I’m pretty much poor… Boyfriend can’t get anywhere to work so his mom […]
I haven’t posted on here in a while…my last note was sort of melodramatic. A lot has happened since then. I won’t delve into it.
I think I might have an answer. An answer to my depression, my self-harm, my self-consciousness. For years I haven’t felt comfortable in public, around other people. I’ve felt like a giraffe in a group of flamingos. Weird analogy, I know.
I’m a teen female, by the way. But for a while I’ve identified as more androgynous. I haven’t expressed this feeling openly (my family isn’t really open-minded). I feel more confident wearing gender-neutral/transmasculine clothing. But put me in bright tops, and…I’d fucking faint […]
I cut class for the first time today. I can’t take it anymore I can’t go on living like this college jut started and the only thing I’ve done this two days is cry. I’ve always been scared of cutting class because I don’t want to be a burden on my parents which I already am but I’m so depressed and suicidal that Im staring not to scare if I fail college. What’s gonna happen? I want to die anyway. Some days I feel OK like this pass days but now that I have to go out and be out all day and deal with […]
Been a while since i’ve been on, and boy does it feel nice to be here again.
Things have changed so quickly, it’s all hard to deal with some times. There’s too much going on right now. If anyone could give me advice i’d be greatful.
Now I live with my mom and siblings, stepdad is finally out of the picture (yay!) but as great as that is, it means the moneys out of the picture too. My mom has been unemployed since we moved here and hasn’t thought about about finding another job. We’re barely scraping by and everytime I bring it up to my mom […]
i haven’t posted in a while, I still feel like crap
I really wish I was dead, I feel so stupid writing this. Who even cares about a piece of trash like me anyway. I should just die. Kill myself and get this shit over with
My furture looks horrible. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. My grades are awful.
“But family will always be there”
No
No they won’t
I feel so fucking alone and i really wish I had at least one friend.
But who wants to deal with my shit and me being all depressed for no good reason
Ugh
I wish I was dead. Sorry for being a […]
Hey there, so I’m going to start off with me introducing myself. Hi, I’m Jaja, a really depressed fangirling potato (don’t judge). I’m asian but not really good in math.
So let’s start my story, I was really a happy girl but then cupid shot me, accidentally, and I fell in love with this guy. This guy was my former classmate at summer sports school, and since he’s like 2 years older than me, I figured that I could be closer to him if I ask him to tutor me on Facebook because I hate the outside world, where all sociable humans are, disgusting, anyways, so […]
looking at my classes for next semester are making me feel fucking sick and disgusted. i hate meeting new people and having to leave the old ones behind. i am no good at people–i don’t understand them and they do not like me very much, not at all. i wish i could be in a high-school system where i’d have to deal with the same kids for a year and then switch; even then, it would be very possible to have a lot of the same people i know in my classes from year to year. in college, it’s definitely a gamble. you’ll probably get […]
I don`t know where to start.
I was dating the most wonderful woman for a short 20 months; not long, I know. But the time we spent together is irreplaceable. I already deal with depression and anxiety so when she left me one week before Christmas it just set off a severe downward spiral. I cannot get through the day without drinking copious amounts of alcohol and freezing up when the emotions get too strong. I`ve started self-harming again, I haven`t done this in years. It`s not her fault, this is not just because of a simple breakup but an underlying fact that I have not […]
I can’t deal with being fucking bullied anymore. I’m still being called an idiot, a *****, a sociopath, and an attention seeker in person and online. I’ve gotten more threats, such as being pushed down stairs AGAIN and getting the shit kicked out of me. Meanwhile I don’t talk or interact with these people whatsoever. Seriously I cannot get away from this bullshit no matter what I do. The worst part is I can’t do shit about it because nobody fucking cares anymore. This is why I should just keep all of my emotions bottled up because whenever I share them I end up being […]
I am a recently injured adult, 27, who obtained an ankle sprain, followed by a hamstring work injury, followed by an unknown ailment to my other ankle. I have been rehabbing for 3 months, with no end in sight, except to leave this predicament through alternative means. My doctors have to take an MRI of my new injury and I am still rehabbing my other two injuries. I’m taking two days off PT because my Achilles is hurting.
My history is that I have attempted suicide 3 times, without succeeding. Two times after my longterm ex’s broke up with me and once while injured in […]
I thought things were getting better, but it was just my mind’s way of getting a run-up to kick me in the balls again. I want to smash the bottle in front of me and cut myself to shit, grab my huge (and evergrowing) bag of failed meds and take the lot, kick down my door, smash out the bathroom window and climb up onto the rooftop and scream and shout and cry in one final act of defiance to the world. But I wont. Ill just sit here and smoke my problems away, like I always do. That’s why I’m such a useless piece of shit, […]
I mistakenly got excited–not a lot, but enough to allow me to become disappointed when everything fell through and nothing turned out how I thought I would. I do not get excited very often. I loathe excitement and people who feel it a little too often for my tastes. They are more liable to get their hopes up, as well, which would make me feel bad for them, which would then just make me feel bad in general. Anyway, I went home for Thanksgiving break from college and for some reason thought that I would feel better, that being around my family would make me […]
It’s been so long since I slept. I can’t focus and I keep leaving work early because I can’t stay awake. Get home and i can’t stop my mind to sleep. It’s whirring constantly like white noise. I can’t even deal with my thoughts separately, to make progress. I’ve finally found a decent therapist (after years of shitty ones) but I’m still scared it won’t get better. I get attached to people easily and get so easily offended. I need to be stronger but I can’t be here much longer it’s so exhausting just waking up :/ I keep thinking of ways to end it […]
I really wish I was never born.. nothing I do is worth anything. I cant make anyone hapoy and everything and everyone I come in contact with turns to shit. I just want it all to end. Realisticly it would be better for everyone in my pathetic life.. I just cant deal with the disappointment I cause everyone. My wife and kids would do better without me……
I hate when my mom is drunk or when her stupid boyfriend is drunk. ALL THEY DO IS FIGHT. I’m so sick of it, its been going on for 5 years, the alcohol the drugs the pushing the hitting. I’m done. They add so much more stress to me. I already have issues without them. I’m tired of the fighting. I hate seeing my mom crying, I hate seeing her drunk. I hate it when all her an her boyfriend want to do is drink. I stick around because my baby brother is 3 and someone has to be there to take him to the […]
Two weeks ago I left the psych ward after three months of trying to recover from depression and anxiety. Before I left, the shrinks there questioned me about how my three month stay had helped me. I lied, told them it changed something, told them it had made a difference, told them that “it taught myself a lot about me”. In truth, nothing has changed, but I didn’t have the balls to tell them about it. I felt like I had just wasted a quarter year of my life twiddling thumbs. I still feel anxious. I still feel depressed. I still feel like I could […]
my best friend, my second half, for years we wanted to kill ourselves together, a suicide pact. And a couple days after my birthday two years ago he hung himself. And I can’t deal with the guilt I don’t want to wait anymore to die my time is soon. I have no right to live. I just want to be with my second soul in heaven anywhere but here. I’d rather see blackness for eternity alone then to be here one more day not being with him
During life we all face things that are difficult to cope with. no story is worst then the others. everyone has their own amount of pain they can deal with.
this is a very short version of my story.
I was 7 years old when i heard my fathers door close. My best friend entered my room and started revealing the darkest secrets i could of imagined. My father has been molesting and raping her in his room every day. i didnt know what this meant at the time and i thought that it was normal. she had kept telling me to keep it a secret so […]
Last time I wrote on here I thought I was feeling bad. Well, I’m worse now. And what makes it harder to deal with, is that everyone saw me get better and believe that’s still the case. After my parents spoke to my psychiatrist few months back they were so stressed and worried about me being depressed and suicidal. I don’t want to put them through that again. My best friend has enough troubles to deal with, I don’t want her to worry about me as well. It just sucks that I would do so much harm if I spoke about it and I feel […]