I cried myself to sleep last night because I was so frustrated everything just felt pointless and I was tired of feeling stuck and just wish I never got depressed in the first place. I feel like being bullied caused a lot of problems for me that led me to depression and I feel like if I dealt with bullying by talking to someone and telling those who bullied me that what they were saying was hurting me instead of putting my energy into hobbies then I wouldn’t be here. I developed so many bad habits because of it for instance: I hold all my […]
Tag:
Depression
When I was younger, I was molested and beaten almost daily by my older sister who I idolized and looked up to. My parents would blame me for her violent episodes, saying that I provoked her. Whenever I would fight back, I’d be punished, by spankings with a belt, or they would take away things that were important to me.
Later on, my sister told my parents that I was the one who instigated the molestation. It was a very, very shameful night, me, sitting at the table with my family, my sister crying crocodile tears of guilt at 15 years of […]
i want to cut severely deep.
i want to hit myself with the hardest things, as hard as i can.
i want to drown in my tub with heavy rocks holding me down.
i want to never speak again.
i want to take all the pills i can find.
i want to purge until my throat is raw.
i want to never eat again.
i want to say good bye and mean it.
i want my body to fail me.
i want the blood to keep pouring.
i want the darkness to eat me alive.
pulling me further and further down.
i will be no more.
nothing.
gone.
if only […]
I am 26, male. Let me preface this by saying that I am relatively intelligent (B.S. Physics), relatively attractive, and from the outside, it appears that my life is going well. All is not well. I have struggled with depression for over a decade now and sometimes it feels like I am smart enough to out-think it, beat it, but it always comes back to haunt me.
I have thought of all the possibilities, I wish I could hand my life off to someone more deserving. I should be happy! I have a stable job, a great roommate, and vitality that […]
Feeling overwhelmed again and feel that crazy need to DO something; so I am going to write as honestly as I can in hope of clearing my head and maybe helping others to not feel so alone..
I am 19 years old, going to a community college in hopes of learning everything I can about computers and eventually getting a PhD. (programming and hacking take me to a different place, a place where I am extremely intrigued and life actually seems interesting because there is so much to it.)Â Normally I just get tired of waking up to the same routine everyday, not so much that […]
Where does depression come from? Is it an imbalance in the brain or is just our imagination filtered through our past, present or our future?
I don’t know what to think anymore. I’m so uncertain of everything. My mind is playing tricks on me. I have no idea what’s going on in my mind. Depression has taken over every part of my life. It’s taken over my thoughts, emotions, and actions. I feel like I’ve fallen off the right track. I feel like I have no control over my own life. I just don’t understand. Why did this happen? Does it even matter? If I get better am I just going to fall back down and feel as miserable as I do now?
I wish I wasn’t born. I wish […]
I’m losing it. I can’t go on. I once thought I was strong. I once was able to help people, some very simular in my situation. I once thought that I had a life to live and a life to give. No more. Suicide is a daily hell I have to face. Depression from 17 years of shit and depression and bullying and attacks. I’ve gone too far. I thought I could make it. I need help. I have lost all hope to go on, all hope to live. I am a author, a carpenter, an artist, an engineer, an interior designer, programer, computer technician, and […]
The water fills her lungs
Her body begins to chill slowly
Floating in the middle of the ocean
As life flourishes around her
Her life drifts away
Moments are all that’s left now
As she takes her last but final breath
She prays to the heavens above her
To forgive her for what shes done.
She opens her eyes again
Light burning her eyes
She thanks haven for letting her have the chance to have eternal life
But the rest of her senses arise
She hears the beeping of her heart monitor
And she sighs with pain
She has failed once again…
i found this website by searching for ways to overdose on pills so i decided to make an account to see if it would help but, now from reading other posts from people that are around 30 and over that i cant relate to in debt and what not, it just makes me feel even more alone. I’m only 13 and i really shouldn’t be deserving any of the crap i get. I know that people have it worse than me but right now, i should be worrying about boys and whatever a 13 year old girl worries about, i shouldn’t be worry about hiding my scars. […]
you keep telling me that its all my fault, that i do this all to myself… but do you really think i want to be like this? i would love to be happy… to actually smile and not want to die. But i’m not. and i dont know why. do you think i would be this unhappy if being happy was easy? stop telling me everything i do wrong. I know i fuck everything up, no need to remind me. im trying my best to be happy… but do you know how hard it is to want to die. and do you know what’s even harder […]
I am 29 years old and two and half years ago I got a surgical implant called VNS. Â The depression I had struggled with for 12 years, just left. Â Two weeks ago I found out that the man (my uncle) who molested me as a child from age 13 and under is going to the same community college I have been going to and is graduating on June 1st, the same day I was going to graduate. Â I will not be attending that graduation ceremony. Â He has been asked to sing at the commencement ceremony as well. Â These past two weeks I have struggled so […]
The moment when you bored and knotice a friend you lost becuase of your depression is clost by and all you want to do is ask them how they are ……lol
I came here today to search some posts in hopes of obtaining an easy, painless, peaceful way to leave this life. I read many similar posts and I too can’t seem to keep my depression in check. Sadly it DOES effect every other part of your life. I manage to ruin or push away any good thing in my life. Each time I try harder to gain control of my emotions and depression it only seems to end even worse. I have lost count of the jobs I have walked away from in a huff, friends I have lost due to being overly sensitive and family […]
So… I been depressed for as long as I can rember. I tried sudicid once and been thinking about it daily four four years now. I am sick of it , this year I have been trying really hard to destory my will to died, will my want to die grows stronger…..but ^^ I think I found something that won’t be deeply affected by my depression…….the awnser is …… manga…. Anime…..cosplay….and coustums…(even thougth I am black and can’t turly cosplay)……but mostly Mangas and anime…… I want to live to work really hard to have a great collection….. I hope to get an apartment where I […]
Isn’t it ironic? A young adult takes his life and his entire community is shocked, startled…sorry. The social media sites will be flooded with posts, somewhere along the lines of “RIP *insert name here* – you were loved and will be missed dearly”. Why does no one bother telling him that before it was too late? Why do people only start to care when the last breath struck his body? Some will answer: because they didn’t know. So what? Does a person need to be openly suicidal, in order to receive some love and affection? When did it become a heroic deed to remind the […]
If anyone has read my previous posts, you’d know that I’m not really here for affirmation or advice to deal with a boyfriend, family troubles, friends, etc. I’m here to maximize my chance for a successful end, and I hope to find those who are able to give me advice on that end.
I have planned to leave by summer but am struggling to clean everything, put my affairs in order, etc. This is a must. I believe in a well-planned out suicide, so there will be no such thing as a short “crisis moment” or a poor decision based on a situational crisis. I need […]
Hi, my name is Shannon and I am “to far out to find my way back” as I like to say. I have excepted the fact that I may never get better but I never expected to get this bad. Depression is like a roller coaster with up and downs that change so fast that outside life becomes a blur. In short I’m so lost in my own world that I may never find my way out. This scares me more than anything else because my world is like a horror film, full of death and destruction. The one thing that scares me the most […]
I have reached the a point in my life where certain patterns have repeated themselves. These patterns once thought under control have so gone out of control that the pattern is now a real relative in my life. This pattern at first was just bad emotional output on my part, then the second time occurred and its all the same all over again the exact same way it ended the last time. The last time I lost two very dear things close to me and now I have no chance of ever seeing them again due to my own stupid decision. This time the thing […]
I, like most people here, am looking for answers that we all know don’t exist. Â Despite that we all continue, we push on with blind faith, hoping, wishing, praying that the answers will just suddenly appear before us. Â But I have lost my faith and hope and my wishes and prayers go without response.
I am now 45, and I have been struggling with depression ever since I was 17. Â It has been a long and exhausting trip. Â It has caused me to lose all of my friends, resulted in me being hospitalized for a total of 3 months between high school and college. Â Â And […]