So…i made a friend. I had started doing better…the black thoughs came less and less. The cutting and thoughts of cutting had completely stopped and for the first time in a long time my skin color was returning to its normal color…it ends today. The depression is back and worse than ever…I cant go through it this time…not again…not alone like before. This is why im back
Tag:
Depression
I recognise that I’m in a much better place than I was when I was first diagnosed with depression, but even four years on and I’m still incessantly fucking up and that’s the only thing that people actually see. I just wish that I would start learning from my mistakes and that people would stop judging me based on my past. I’m still holding myself back and its irritating. No doctor can save me from this, from myself. It will always be something that I carry with me, I just hope that it won’t weigh on me so much for the rest of my life.
I’m closing up shop. I tried to get back what I had, but the doctors told me I can’t. So I’m going back on olanzapine. Back to being a fat piece of crap who can barely string a coherent sentence together. I came off it because I thought it had done it’s job at stabilising my depression. Now I have psychosis. I had hoped that by coming off it I’d lose the weight and become attractive again, thereby getting a girlfriend, but I guess not wanting to be alone or a virgin anymore after 23 years doesn’t cut the mustard.
I’m not sure why I […]
hey world …. hey people .. hey life ? ..
34 years old female from the uk – long term mental health problems
( depersonalisation , derealization , dissociation  ,depression * hey whats with all the friggen d’s ? )
anxiety , blah de blah blah – yeah i know im boring you *sigh*..
to cut a long story short …. ive come to a point in my life where i feel i have no other choice but to give up , everything i try to do DOESNTÂ and everyones lives ive come into contact with ive fckd up ! .. im […]
I cannot do this anymore. My life is falling apart faster every second. I’m falling back into depression. My anxiety is eating me alive, panic attacks lasting all day. I’m never happy, I just want to be unconscious. I am pathetic, I use/abuse any drug I can get my hands on; anything that will take this feeling away and numb me. Everything good crumbles to pieces and I can’t fix any of them. Everyone is leaving me, anyone who is still here will eventually leave like the rest. I’m failing in school.  I am not okay. I am in so much pain. I can’t stand to […]
better off without , me. yeah that`s pretty much it. i mean, i have no one. of course , everyone says `oh sweetie im here for you ` but its not like that. its never like that, it`s pretty much just polite i guess. because, everyone says that. including myself. but anyways, i dont even know why im righting this. well, maybe for help . but recently that has seemed like such a long un-reachable road. i can`t tell anyone though, i mean. wtf are you supposed to do. just be like oh , hey. guess what. im suicidal, i hate myself and want to […]
my name is matt, I live in new jersey. i started off with depression when i was 3. at that time my father began beating me i would estimate once a week, as well as my father having somewhat severe fights with my mother which often hurt me because she would be emotionally unavailable and I obviously was very distant from my father which made me feel alone. this feeling of being alone has always embodied me. i now am 19. i started off in middle school acting out and made a lot of “friends” but got myself in a lot of trouble just because […]
I have read many of the stories here. Its funny I never read any of these where somebody has said to themselves that at that exact moment that they are feeling so down and out that someone else in the world is a lot worse off. I don’t say this to be mean, Its just something I have learned to use in my own life “empathy”. I know the daily struggle of suicide. I myself have been locked away in the bin a few times. I too am a cutter and burner and lots of hitting in the head and face. I have thoughts of […]
I wrote2 posts, but the hatred and depression and stuff keep coming back.
written by RogueShadow1281
It’s been a few hours after my last post. I am tired of this shit. I’m tired of living, I hate life. No point in having one. God is a false deity. The idea that God is Satan is very thorough, but I still don’t believe in a god. Or else he’s past insane. He keeps repeating human’s course over billions and billions of people and never is there a right person. Everyone is evil. I wonder what was Jesus’ motives. He was probably filling his ego. Maybe he was brainwashed.Â
I hope to join the army in 1 1/2 years. That’s too far away, though. […]
I hate myself. I am stupid. I am ugly. I am fat . I am died inside. I am alone. I am fat. I am selfish. I am annoying . I am a person who wants help but can tell anyone in fear of them judgeing me. I am finished.
I have never been pyciscal abuse by anybody but I have been verabley abuse by many people everyone things I am happy and fine but I am NOT . I am not happy. I am not fine. I don’t want to tell anyone the way I feel because I am afraid they will judge me … I am stupid . I am worthless . And I want to die, not really I think it would be better if I moved/ ran away from my current liveI HATE MYSELF MORE THAN SOMEONE COULD EVER HAD ME
its that feeling you get when you have no motivation. Kind of as you’ve given up on everything. Instead of picking up your books or going for a walk or doing the dishes (it can be anything) you just lay there. all your priorities overcome by the essence of just being there and doing nothing. Does anyone know what feeling im talking about?
completely give up. I’ve lost all hope…I lost every person that I once had in my life. I now have no one. I am gone very soon. goodbye :’c :’c
Do you believe in fate? If yes, then I have another question for you. If someone commits suicide, was it fate? Meaning, even if you or someone else attempted to stop them it would have happened anyway because it is their fate? I’m not saying fate should be blamed, I’m just beginning to believe that some things in life are inevitable no matter how much we humans try to change it.
Today I read an article in Psychology Today. In it a successful author was interviewed and he said that  most success in life is governed by chance. Basically someone could work just as hard and […]
I need to die
I’m not right
I can’t feel
My heart can’t feel
My body can’t feel
I’m already dead
What’s the point in living?
For a purpose that will never happen………
Why do I even try?
Try to stay alive is it to feel some sort of emotion bar this empty feel
I even wish I could feel pain now
Yet I have a clear mind and know cutting isn’t right but I fear it’ll go down that route soon, very soon or that of an anorexic.
I’m guessing that of an anorexic will be the easiest option after all no one would […]
So I recently gathered together all of the things from that time in my life–everything that holds negative connotations that came into my life over the past three years, from scissors and razors to the belt from my last attempt and poems and bloody tissues and whatever else–and I put all of this in a shoebox until I’d collected everything. Then I went out with my boyfriend into the back field, and we were looking for a tree to bury it by, when I saw the tree where one of my goats had died (she got her hoof stuck in between two branches and broke […]
I’m almost ready. ready for the pain to end, even if it takes more pain. I wrote a suicide letter a goodbye.I have problems if I killed myself i would be doing the world a favor one less messed up person for people to look at and wonder what I’m like. Who I am. Everyone judges people. And in this world that’s all I am to most people. I was  abused. It changes a person getting slapped for not eating. Getting kicked for crying. Getting my head slammed into a  wall because I couldn’t stop crying. It was like that every day . I have problems. They are clear to […]
hi megan its me tiara i recently got it into my head to starve and dehydrate myself the words sheer will and determination ring clear to my ears and by monday itll be day four im tired of everybody failing to help me if im still here by day five ill give this whole thing up if not see ya
im drunk and depressed, i was having a bad day depression wise and now im drunk at home alone and ive made a packt with myself not to cut for a week but right now i think im going to break it cause otherwise i might take pillsthatll end it. im so glad my computer has autocheck otherwise this would be unintelligable hhahahah. my brain is in a comfortable blurrrrrrrr but everything hurt and i dont understand whats going on. i was just considering calling my ex who im so not over and singing more than this to him. he would never speak to me […]
Although I am very depressed at the moment, most of my previous posts are just long rants about that so I decided that, for Easter, I would post a true, Easter-related, funny story. Perhaps it will make you laugh, perhaps it won’t, either way it’s just a silly story from a girl desperate to *cough* check out early.
PS (I am not religious, this may offend those that are for my ignorance within the story).
When I was a child most Primary schools in Britain were somehow religious, even my school, which was not stated as religious, was run by a Christian headmaster who encouraged us to […]