The darkness is death – we can speak, but we are not heard. We can scream but they turn their backs. We can run, but we cannot catch them. It is the dream where arms and legs won’t work they way they should, and the air is too thick to breathe. Loved ones walk a mile ahead, forgetting to stop as we fall behind. This is the reality of the darkness. We are buried alive inside ourselves. ”
– Dana-Christene Umanetz
Tag:
dream
Just a cut,
Just a scratch,
“What’s that mark?”
“It’s just a cat.”
Just an excuse,
Just another lie,
“What’s with all the bracelets?”
“Just fashion, why?”
Just a tear,
Just a scream,
“Why were you crying?”
“Just a bad dream.”
But it’s not just a cut,
Or a tear, or a lie,
It’s always,
“Just one more”,
Until you die.
I am 21 years old. About to drop off college. Lives with a depressed mother. Jobless. Everyone i know really doesn’t care except for my mother. I really don’t know what to do anymore. I can imagine my friends doing fine without me. Maybe getting out of their lives is just what they need to see their own lives and silver linings. I feel like disease and i want to shut myself from the world. I lied about everything. Its my 6th year in college trying to finish up a two year course and i hate it so bad that i feel like im […]
“Amnesia”
( by 5 Seconds of Summer )
I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted
I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted
And even though your friends tell me you’re doing fineAre you somewhere feeling lonely even though he’s right beside you?
When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you?
Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?
‘Cause I’m not fine at all
I remember the day you told me you […]
Hello everyone. A potential suicidal from Brazil right here. So, needless to say, English is not my primary language. I truly apologize if there is any kind of grammar mistakes on my reports here. Honestly, it is my first time posting something in a site such as this and I’m a little insecure of what to write here, but I decided to try and make contact and – I don’t know… See what happens. I don’t think it’s wise to keep all this torment to myself. If is ok with you, I would like to open up just a little… at least just once.
It is […]
So after about 2 hours of sleep last night, I bolt up wide awake after yet another extremely vivid dreams that I’m sure was chock full of all sorts of metaphors about why I need to die soon. Exhausted, but I know I’m not going back to sleep. I start playing some poker online, won a bit, then lost a bit, so broke even. Feeling a little better about not getting wiped out at poker. But my mind keeps drifting back to my dream. It’s difficult to know if it was a nightmare or not. It’s wasn’t unpleasant. And perhaps that is the nightmare. It […]
You know its been a long time since I last smiled.I’m not talking about a casual smile…I’m talking about a real smile, a smile that actually means something.sure when I watch comedies I sometimes laugh, and that intern produces a smile.but these days my laughs and smiles feel more forced than anything.it gets tiring having to put on this mask of mine.its hard and it only serves to make me feel much more alone than I already am.im tired.I would love to sleep.I wish I could just go to bed and never wake up.i wish that I could dream a good dream and never wake […]
I seriously think I am throwing my life in the garbage, but sadness has eaten the last bit of awareness I had left in my brain and I discovered a profound love for drugs…. So I guess after the strong tides I’ve tried to swim through, it’s time I float on this raft for a while, just for a little bit. It makes me feel secure. I still see my dream island far in the horizon, but I need rest. I’ll have to start swimming again soon if I don’t want to be carried away on an unsafe shore. But for now, I am just […]
Vietnam, July 24
I just came back from one failed year studying in France. After one year, I realized that I didn’t study what I really wanted. So why, why did I go ?
The first thing my father noticed, when I stepped out the door of the aeroport, frustrated having to leave the solitude on the 12-hour flight, was that I did not greet him. He took no time to inform my mother about my misbehavior. A good child should «know your place», and I know that very well. But I hate good boys […]
When they fought, I chose not to fight.
When they cried, I thought there is respite.
When they loved the wealthy and the wise,
I knew there is a reason for some being otherwise.
Amidst, the squibbles and squabbles of life,
My candid nature kept me alight.
But then came doubt, I did my self.
I did my nature, I did my health.
I doubted everything I felt.
And on I went to change my self.
I tried to turn the course of the stream,
Not knowing I was only killing a dream
Of little joys and profound realm,
On I went on broken whelm.
I had walked too […]
I think that I’m the type of a good girl, I have never talk back to my parents, not even when they crushed my dream of becoming a ice skater, not even when my mother forgave me from seeing the love of my life, but actually she is over- protective just with me, I have 2 bigger sisters, but the only one that my parents don’t allow to go out at night or even with my friends on a Saturday is me, I really can’t live anymore in this controlled life, they are making me do all the things that they can’t do in their […]
But still, I hate when I have dreams so vivid and real it’s like I’m seriously there. I could feel everything last night in my one particular dream. Feeling the slice and stab of the knife as I tried defending myself. That after-the-fact pain, the bleeding. I could see the bleeding. It was so real, the way it seeped down my side and soaked into my shirt. I strangely enjoyed that.
Self harm withdrawal? Medication side effects? A combination of both? Who knows.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VjTG21T8aU
My dad only tells me he loves me when it’s convenient. He calls our house and is like “Who is this?” when I answer. I couldn’t tell if he was joking, but I say sarcastically, “One of your kids”. He then says that one of my sisters calls, and I tell him I’ll let her know that he called back. “Alright, bye.” Then hangs up.
Lol that’s the most I’ve talked to him in about 2 months. Yeah I know some people don’t get to talk to their dads at all. Sometimes I wish he was completely gone so I didn’t have to be tortured by his superficial asshole yet nonexistent […]
Well. Let’s face the facts babe.
you’re dead . cold.
softly floating in your blood. your eyes popped out of your skull like they were trying to reach out and strangle me.
and i finanlly undrerstood what had happened. i was not shaken.
i completely regognized the act of brutal savagery that was before my own eyes.
it did not strike fear into my heart.
only regret.the sting of regret that you didnt die slower.
that broke my heart. if i had one.
I woke up screaming early this morning from a bad dream. In the dream, I was traveling down a road with my dog when a large black bear appeared at the end of the street. My dog, being the brave little idiot that he is, charged the bear. In the dream, I was screaming at him to come to me so that I could protect him from the bear. Of course, he wouldn’t listen and the bear was snarling and swiping at him with his huge paws. I was terrified that the bear was going to kill my dog.
I finally got my dog away from […]
I cannot choose anything in my life. Underground Man was right. No desire in me goes deeper than my desire for truth. i was wrong when i said i will choose freedom over truth if such a choice comes. i was recently given this choice. i stuck to truth. truth is unbiased. each decision in life is biased. you need a reason to do anything, and that reason has a beginning somewhere. no reason is “holy”. something has to begin somewhere. so how can i choose anything? on what basis i will make that choice? what is worthy enough to be given preference?
And what’s worse […]
I dream of a world where people can just try to understand each other, rather than judge them for their problems. A world where no one is criticized for who they are and what they love. Unfortunately, a world of peace doesn’t exist.
I dream that I am on my own planet, where there is no misery, violence, hatred or discrimination, with only my closest friends, family members, animals and people who get me. Like I said… I dream. If only dreams could come true for those of us […]
Just a cut.
Just a scratch.
“What’s that mark?”
“It was just the cat.”
Just an excuse.
Just another lie.
“What’s with all the bracelets?”
“Just fashion, why?”
Just a tear.
Just a scream.
“Why were you crying?”
“Just a bad dream.”
But it’s not just a cut…
Or a tear or a lie…
It’s always “just one more”
Until you Die
How does one have courage when they fear life itself? How does one have hope when everything they’ve ever believed in has died? How does one keep living when they’re already dead?
Living each day like a zombie isn’t fun. Waking up, groaning, moaning, wandering aimlessly… That’s all I do. I am a zombie. I’m the living dead.
But I’m not!
I don’t even understand myself… I hardly expect anyone else to.
I have good days, but they’re overpowered by the bad. I have days when I feel alive. And those days are the days when I have courage and I feel hopeful. If I didn’t have those days, […]
I’ve been extremely tired all day. All i’ve wanted to do is sleep. Sleep and not wake up. Just dream the night away. If it happens to be a nightmare…it’s okay because i’ve master lucid dreams. But it’s 1:25AM and I’m wide awake. The part before drifting away to the dream state is the hardest for me. It’s when all these thoughts come to my mind. All these people that have hurt me. All the words I’ve been told. All this negativity I seem to reminisce about. I want it all to go away! I hate hurting because of all the BS i’ve caused myself. […]