I often ponder death wondering if its better than dealing with the pain walking around broken beaten and just done death is always the answer that comes to my mind at least it seems like the easy way out
At least I can make someone proud of me. It may not be you as a parent of me but it’s someone who acts more like a mother to me than you ever have. I’ve tried so hard for you to be proud of me and yet you’ve never said it. Soon I’m going to stop trying and give up but for now you still have a chance. I don’t know what else to do. So just so you know I’m done trying to please you I’m going to do everything in my own will to please the one person who acts like a mother […]
so basically. today. i went shopping with my mom. she started yelling at me and telling mw how negative i am and how that’s why no one wants to be around me. i plugged in my music and blasted it ignoring her and left the store. I walked to where the second floor has a hole looking way down to the first floor. for a moment i was overcome with the urge to just jump off. it would have been so easy guys. but my mom tapped me on the shoulder and i pulled out my earplugs as she started to yell again and we […]
Hey people. It’s been a little while again, hasn’t. Maybe two weeks maybe less. And here I am again. Not to worry, I gave my word on not giving up and fighting these grey days till the bitter end, andd I’m still doing it. I maybe flawed in many ways but that promise is something I don’t want to break. So why am I here then? Well I wanted to ask about a few things and give a little update on myself. Maybe it’ll make someone’s day better knowing I’m still kicking.
So over the past two weeks, a couple of things have happened. To […]
I’m new of the page, and I wanted to start by asking people here, if, for them, all of this feelings of depression, the despair, the death wish, had a beginning, that’s to say, some kind of catalyst that started to bring your life down, to the point where ir became unbearable…
When I was 6 years old, I got sexually abused by a guy who used to work for my parents. I was too little to understand what had happened, but still I told my mother ALL OF IT, and she just dismissed it with a casual “You must have dreamed (dreamt?) it”. Obviously, when […]
I don’t want to live, but I don’t want to die either.
I’m sick of the pain and frustration that life forces on you… there is no escaping it. But I’m afraid that my attempt at ending it will fail, and that I’d continue to live as a vegetable or in a form of agonizing physical pain.
I also do not wish to cause my mother grief, nor anyone else for that matter. Pain is the exact thing I’m trying to avoid in life, so I’ve never gone out of my way to hurt others. She did not wish for a daughter that would have rather not […]
I deserve rest and peace. Please. why, I might do it tomorrow but tonight im to tired. Goodnight everyone. If I do it will be responsibly done quick and easy. Of couse I have Bi polar, of course I suffered childhood trauma, of course I attempted before, of course I cut, of course I have gambling and drinking problems. shit paranoia is the worst. I have paranoia disorder.
I’m scared to live, so I wanna die. I’m scared to die, so I try to live. Stuck in the middle and the hollowness is too heavy. The logical thing would be to face the fear to live, before the fear to die. But I’m not logical and I want an easy answer, though I know there aren’t any.
Living is like cutting a steak with a baseball bat…It is not easy.
So I did my GCSE mock exams and just got my results back… I got D’s in everything but English where I got an A… My mum, she told me that I tried my best and that’s all that matters, and that’s she’s proud I got an A, but my dad wasn’t so easy to please… He just kept telling me I should have straight A’s in all my subjects and that if I don’t get them he’ll disown me, and then slapped me.. Me being me I didnt know what to do, at first it was just crying but then I started cutting… I […]
it’s happening again. I thought I could move and everything would be better. I’ve tried. I’m exercising, I’m in a new location, I have new friends, I’m pretty, smart, talented, etc. what the fuck is wrong with me
I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t do anything. except sit here and feel sorry as fuck for myself. because that’s all I am is sorry. I don’t know how I’m gonna get better. nothing is working. I can’t do it alone. I need some sort of medical help because this shit isn’t working. I wish I could leave myself. like it’s so easy for […]
Most people say cheerleaders are sluts, perfection, skinny, and easy. But we aren’t all like that. We are all human we all make mistakes and fight our own battles. I’m an elite and school cheerleader; I am anorexic, on medication for depression and anxiety, and I was diagnosed with OCD. So think before you judge a cheerleader just cause we act confident in our own skin doesn’t mean we are.
it’s very easy to say don’t expect and be happy but no matter what the ones we love.. we expect from them or some things are expected from us and no matter what you do your whole life trying to fulfill those expectations..you fall short! you disappoint and you feel really fckd up inside like you aint good enough and slowly slowly that takes over your mind and consumes you and you realize that it’s better to die than not be good enough!
I lasted 98 days without a real cut, it was the hardest thing iv ever done but my dad stopped hating me, then the voices came back and i fought it and then the thoughts got strong again, and i kept fighting until the insomnia hit. I lasted 6 days with no sleep before i cut, i cut two days in a row then last night i cut to deep and had to be taken to hospital and stitched up again. The nurses all know me at this point and they al just shake their heads at me. More stitches to add the the collection […]
i finally asked the question lurking in my heart for weeks since our break up.. since the moment he asked me out. I asked his best friend.. ” he only wants me for sex.. doesnt he?..”
cody: yes but dont tell him i told you this.. he likes six other girls and when you didnt put out he broke it off im so sorry.. just forget about him please.
Rape victim and now played by the guy i loved most. I’m only a sex object. Thats all people […]
My mouth is as dry as the pavement in July.
Hair soaking wet fist clinched at my sides
somehow I know this is going to end in a fight.
She takes the first swing a shot at my pride.
If there’s one thing I know I’ve got to survive.
I have to tell this story I cant simply let it be!
And let it fade away lost with apart of me.
I won’t yell for help even though I know i should.
Because if I did I’d be misunderstood.
See this wouldn’t be easy to explain.
Why do I stand alone in the rain?
The answer is simple and hard to hide.
Because the person I fight
Lies […]
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