I used to ask the god I believe in to put all of my families burdens on myself instead of them. For them to be able to live peaceful happy lives at the cost of my own life. I would never take that back, and I still would say the same today. I can’t complain that my own life is not easy. Maybe it’s really just all of this coming to fruition. My family is happier and more peaceful than I have ever seen them and in this time of happiness I am completely seperate from them all. Miles and miles seperate us locking me […]
I’ve meet a lot of people, everyone with a different story to tell. Some are sad, some are happy, some are amazing. Then, is my own story, and I know I’m pathetic with my suicide mind in a world were not only me but everybody have problems, the thing is that I fall too easy. Still, I don’t wanna comfort myself with those cliche words, i just wanna die in this pathetic world were no body will remember me. But more pathetic I am thinking […]
I feel guilty for the way I feel. My life is good, most would call it easy and I have the nerve to be ungrateful. I try to put on a brave face but it’s so hard to pretend you’re okay when you’re not. It’s like every little thing someone says hurts me and digs in. It keeps burrowing under my skin building until I just can’t take it anymore and I know I don’t hide it that well but no one notices. I’ve tried to kill myself before and I take medication and I tell my mom that I just feel empty, but all […]
I do it for the joy
it brings
because i”m a joy
full girl
because the world owes me
nothing
and we owe each other
the world
i do it because it”s the least i
can do
i do it cause i learned it
from you
i do it just because i
want to, because i want to
everything i do
is judged
they mostly get it wrong
but oh well
the bathroom mirror has
not budged
and the woman who lives there
can tell
the truth from the stuff they say
she looks me in
the eye
“would u prefer the easy way?
no, well ok then………………………………..dont cry”
tust thinking… Yesterday I had a big conversation with two friends about all what’s going on in my life. It really felt so comforting to talk honestly about my feelings. And I thought about coming out to them, but I just couldn’t.
They’re two of my newest friends. In fact, I still find hard to call them friends, not because of how I feel to them, but because I think they may not see me as one. But they act like really good friends, so maybe I should just stop over thinking things.
It should be easy. They’re open-minded people, I’m too. My old friends know it. […]
I’ve been doing pretty good with handling my emotions lately, that was until yesterday. I could feel the depression slowly start to smother me again in it’s natural repetitious state. I managed to get through work with only one break down. I work with a bunch of men (being one myself) so I’m always having to mask my emotions and depression at work. Sometimes it’s easy, and other times it’s really hard to do. I mask my depression and emotions at work because I don’t think they would understand, and I don’t want people to either feel sorry for me, think of me differently and […]
looking at post i wanted to get in touch with writer but the dates were old, so ill post, the writer said he just bot the tank, cracked it a bit and wallaaaaah… im having trouble with the 400 dollar price of the exit site regulator and the welder supply said they have nothing at all that allows a constant flow….(oops this was for a helium idea, now im thinking ********) Someone said they know all about ******** here, could you tell me why i cant just crack it open and walllaaaahh, actually, this would be as close as i can get so it would […]
I tired of life of my family and I have no one they are never there for me and I’m sick of it I’m always confused and scared to die because of hell… But whats a quick way to die but nothing like stab myself in the gut just quick and easy
For those of you that know Mike (snuf, snuffles, stabbymike, stabbylufagus), I am creating a gift for him and I could really use your help. It is a journal with entries from you here on SP. I have emailed many of you (and have several responses…thank you!) but some members I just could not get the email for. Mike knows a gift is being made (just not what it is) so lets hope he isn’t lurking these days! :p (and if u do read this Mike let me know lol)
Please email me at thewhispersofmysins at hotmail dot com
I know it is easy to […]
Hi,
I have been dealing with depression since 8th grade. Ive been in college since 2008 working to get a bachelor’s. I’ve withdrawn from 9 semesters (8 for depression and 1 for another health-related matter). I am trying to becone an actuary currently. I cannot seem to catch a break.
I have tried many medications, ECT, and therapy. The newest medixation, Brintellix was working fine. However, in my third week of the semester, my depression just came back. I missed class 3/4 days last week. Every day I worked myself out of feeling bad, ending each day on a high. Still, I would wake up in […]
If it all worked out we would live in a different house.
We would live in a different town.
This is a brand new start; clear body, broken heart.
I’ll come visit you when I get the chance.
Breathing’s not easy when you’re underwater.
I am drowning and you’re keeping me under.
Close your eyes, sleep outside. it’s warmer than in here.
I’ll be fine, I’ll run and hide. I wish I could stay here.
You’re still in my head. my mind’s convinced that you never left.
I’m counting down till I see you next.
I still compare everything to your silhouette.
How can I forget what is […]
Guilt.
Guilt is my prison cell.
6 concrete walls that confine me into an existence that I hate.
“Why guilt?” some of you may ask.
I feel guilty for the possibility that someone out there that I am not aware of would grieve upon my death.
People who are not there for me in life, yet would experience pain and self-blame if I completed my last task.
Knowing that I could possibly hurt more people than I know by finally ridding myself of the one thing that causes me the most pain –
That’s what confines me here to a joyless, meaningless life.
I need to be around people in real life. I […]
I dont want to die. Really I dont. But the pain is stronger than the will to live. It dominates my thoughts. It wont give me a break. I try to sleep it away, but I cant sleep long enough. Honestly I wish I would never wake up. Maybe if it were as easy as flipping a switch I would turn my life off. What I really want is my happiness. I want my family back. But without them, I am overwhelmed, and I think I have to end.
Now I take a pill to help me sleep… I pray my thoughts, away; they keep me up all night, worse than the nightmares I fight I just want to rest. Please, just one night.
And as I drift, into the dark… My fingers numbing, my mind’s light just only a spark… I’ll rest easy tonight, because this kind of sleep… It makes me free.
(I’m under the effect of sleeping pills at the moment -ONLY the dosage my doctor told me to use when I feel restless- and this came to mind, sorry if it sounds stupid, I think I’m about to pass out)
Espero que não exista uma regra por não escrever em inglês. Eu consigo até ler inglês, mas não consigo escrever.
Sumir, desaparecer ou morrer, estes são os meus desejos no momento. Sabe, eu estou cansada de tentar e sempre dar errado.. de não conseguir pedir ajuda e quando pedir.. a pessoa vem com 7 pedras na mão.
É muito fácil julgar alguém porque está sofrendo com seus problemas por mais “simples” que ele seja, pode até ser simples pra você, mas para a pessoa que está sentindo é a pior coisa do mundo.. é tão difícil entender isso?
Sinceramente eu não sei mais o que fazer e cada dia que […]
It was hard then to get out of that mental state. I don’t want it to come back. It feels like it’ll overwhelm me completely, this time with newer with harder demons, more temptations.
It is after all, just the circle of life aye ?
So, do I risk everything thus far and let go of the grip keeping my head above the waters?
Sigh.
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it’ll be this hard, I’m going back to the start.
….the end. Hopefully soon.
cut myself for the first time in 4 years yesterday.Spend most days drunk on alcohol/valium or both yet still going to work but it’s getting harder. The fact I get a train doesn’t help, it would be easy to jump in front of one cause I get plenty of option to but hey, I don’t wanna fuck up their lives by hitting me.
wanting to throw myself downstairs daily is so frustrating, other people seem to be happy! What the fuck is that?
Im glad they are but i’m just wondering how that feels!
I wanted a gun, but in the UK it’s pretty difficult. […]
My boyfriend of two years has left me and i cant go on.
I know this seems drastic but my life has not been easy and this is the final straw.
I was abused by my grandfather from an early age and because of this was unable to have children, (hysterectomy at 21)
My stepfather used to beat us instead of facing his issues with his father. And our mother beat us because defending us caused her to be beaten.
I have two failed marriages and i cant cope any more.
I love this man with all my heart but he has chosen to leave.
I have reserched […]
Hi people,
While I’m not what can be considered a regular on this site, I visit from time to time and have been for several years now. I don’t always post/respond when I visit, but I do try to help when I can.
I’ve noticed something recently that I see as a good thing. The holidays are naturally one of the busiest times for this site and the difficulty of this time generally shows up in countless postings. It was common for one day of postings to take literally pages and pages.
This year, there are fewer posts than I’ve seen in a long, time and I take […]
I’ve been trying to believe that he is, but it’s stupid and crazy and i’m giving up hope.
And sadly now that i feel like this I don’t have any hope or happiness to toss around to anyone else. I’m back to wishing I could find an easy way to end my shit lonely existence. There is no easy way of course, we all know that. But there are ways.
If I could erase the memories it wouldn’t be so bad but that’s impossible. If I could shut off how I feel and how I felt then, that would solve this too but that won’t happen either. […]