not in the form i thought it would. i got the A in math, I got all As. but yesterday i fainted after taking a shower, it was the wildest thing in the world, it’s never happened before. and that part wasn’t that bad. it was after going to the hospital (everyone told me that i should go, i didn’t want to be that person who says no when everyone else is saying yes) that i realized how terrible it was. i had no one to come and pick me up. i have no friends, and the people that i know with cars…well, i assumed […]
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It seems tht everything is turning black to me, I feel that i’m getting into a darkness that I can handle it… I feel broken, the this that were precious to me, they’re all gone, I’ve realized that I hate myself, I can’t do anything well, my mom tells me all the time that I’m useless and I know that it’s true… Honestly I write all the time but I can say everything that is in my head. Lately I’ve felt so angry and I can’t get out all that anger from my body, I don’t know what to do, […]
I fucking hate. I’m just a person full of hate and bitterness. I just can’t stand that fact. It feels like I’m the only person who actually sees things for what they are. People around me just don’t get it, everyone is just so generic it feels no one bothers to look all around them. Everyone thinks the same now and no one thinks differently. If your different than people will hate you, if your the same people will adore you. Why should I strive to be like everyone else? I’m different and alone. I have seen the true colors of everyone. People just want […]
I feel there no purpose to life. I wake up everyday to live n repeat the same things over and over. No matter how hard i try i am a failure in everyone eyes so why should i live? Everyday for past 2 years i think of different way to end my life i never do it but I finally think its time it doesnt seem stupid anymore it seem like the best choice. No one has to deal with me anymore. I dont have to keep fucking up other peoples lifes. I see no future i hate myself everyone hates me. I ask myself […]
When you die, people honor you, people miss you, some people are glad you died, even. But give it a few years and you just sort of… disappear. You become that one person who died from ________ (fill in the blank) and it all ends there. People may or may not have some memorial to honor you, but only if they’re those kinds of people. You’re sort of forgotten as everyone goes on about their lives, I imagine.
I guess that’s what I find so enticing about suicide. I’ll just die and everyone will forget about me after a few years. There will be no excuses or any […]
I hate the feelings I have. Its the worst. Everyday is the same lonely day. I don’t trust people their all the same. Everyone is ether boring or uninterested and no one is the same anymore. I feel so different from everyone else. Sometimes it feels like I’m the only one who’s alive and everyone else is dead, and sometimes it feels like I’m dead and everyone else is living. Should I exist at all? I feel like I really shouldn’t at times. I don’t feel like I should even be here anymore I’m so sick of the same people and the same conversation, I just […]
I don’t even know why I’m writing this. It’s my mind loop. These thoughts just run over and over again every day. I’m alone. I’m so alone. I have no one I can really talk to, and the people I do talk to I do because I don’t want anyone to suspect anything’s wrong. I stopped contact with all of my friends in September, so they didn’t have to deal with me anymore. Every day, I see all of them having the perfect life, and I want to go talk to them SO BADLY, but then I remember, they’re only having that perfect life because […]
So upon reflection, I realized everyone is right. Asking for help is bullshit. No one will help. It’s all lies. So thank you for letting me know that. Yet another disappointment and failure to add to the list. So the plan’s back on. Merry christmas, mother fuckers.
P.S.
Don’t try to tell me otherwise or what I should do. You can shove it. Better yet, don’t comment. I’m angry and I want to rant, doesn’t mean I want people to tell me what I’m doing wrong or what I should try.
Thanks.
This is my first post on here I am a 24 year old man that has been struggling with depression since 16 the women that I love moved in with me a few days ago because her dad hit her and threttened to hit her kid we where getting pretty close and I was excited to have the possibility to help raise the kid I had come to thinking of as my own all I have ever wanted was a house a good job and someone to share my life with I was so close I hadn’t even thought about suiside in weeks all of […]
Why don’t we pull the trigger? Why don’t we tighten the noose? Why don’t we swallow the pills? Why don’t we jump from the roof? What stops us? I mean, let’s all be real with ourselves. Everyone is here on this site because they are or at least have been suicidal. Everyone here contemplates pulling that trigger, tightening that noose, swallowing those pills, or jumping off that roof. So, really, what stops us? I think it’s a fear that we will be making the wrong decision. It’s like there’s a chance of it getting better. We hear that cliché line so much that it’s stored […]
I am a person with social anxiety disorder, and i easily fall into depression, its already confirmed that depression is an illness
and it should be threated and thankfully some people get that treatment they require, but for me, i don’t have friends and people that would help me with that, because i am plain unlucky
i preferred being alone, i barely knew what to say when people talk to me, since my childhood i spend most of my time alone. my parents were always arguing, they
didn’t get along with each other, my father was abusing my mother, and i had to see that, […]
I just can’t do this anymore though, I lay in my bed awake just thinking and not thinking at the same time. On the weekends I don’t leave my bed. I have this powerful urge to get up and start walking. I want to walk and never look back. I want to walk so far away and just stop existing. I’m a freakin burden to my parents, siblings, friends, everyone. I feel it, I see it in their eyes. Why is this happening to me? My ex and I just recently broke up, we were dating for a year. I just found out that a […]
oh Yay! There’s another baby on its way today.
As she swims around in her mothers womb, if only
she knew that it was too soon. For her mommy was
taking too much med. Now everyone had to stare blank ahead.
As you lie there in your sweet baby bed going through overdose
they waited for the doctor to diagnose when we could take you home. Two
weeks pass and you’re no longer left alone.
As you’re carried into the doors of life,
“Welcome to hell” the sign on the door should have said.
Reaching your destination will all be in your head. “Last call
for the train heading nowhere fast.” The memories you create […]
maybe if everyone i care about could stop dying, i could focus on killing myself
Nothings seems to be okay anymore I’m tired of trying to make everyone happy I wish it was easy to be what everyone expects but I don’t know how to try anymore. There’s to much to understand to much to wish went right. How can I smile when all I do is lose every fight.
I forgot what it feels like to write. I decided to start writing almost everyday again starting now. I just wanna get all my feelings out. I havent been here in awhile. 2 months but it seems like something always brings me back. I like all of you. You know what i go through. No one else understands. Yes i should be thankful that i have people in my life when some don’t have any but even if they are here. Are they really here? My parents are oblivious and believes that mental illnesses are not real. My dad once told me that if i […]
I have pushed away everyone in my life over the last few years; family, friends, significant others…everyone. Why? They don’t understand how I feel inside, how I suffer on a daily basis. They are finding joy in life, so I cast them out and tucked myself away…probably for the best.
Is there such a thing as being to alone? Is there such a thing as a loner finding another loner to be alone with? Does this ever happen? I realize I cannot have a “normal” life with lot’s of family and friends around, but to have just one person, a companion, would make life “normal” for […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I’ve been in treatment for suicide thougths in a klinik. But since i stopped i felt the same… The same thougths, the thougths I was supposed to be saved from. So why is they still here? I don’t understand! Everyone thinks im “normal” again, my family. So everyday I walk around with a fake smile. Maube everyone belives it, but the darkness often take over my thougths, and suicide seems like the only way.
Why I have to face myself everyday with depression and anxiety I don’t know, I just wanted to be liked and loved but sadly I never was and it doesn’t help when family members and pets had to die on me, I’m lost and alone an I’ve been contemplating suicide for a long time, I tried once before but my mum came in my room as I was fading out and stopped me before I died, I just don’t know what to do I have a life like everyone else but no one to Love at the same time and no one to love me […]