Yep. Maybe it’s because I have so many things wrong with me. I’m not hiding behind them, I like to think not, anyway. I’m true to my feelings, and am kind of brutal sometimes. Usually, I say what’s on other people’s minds. I feel bad. I can’t figure myself out. I’m mean to those who intimidate me, and sometimes, I’m just mean for no reason – usually when I’m manic – which is no excuse. I don’t forgive those who have hurt because I’m afraid they’ll only do it again. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of everything. I wish I was pre-rape me. I was super […]
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everyone
When do you know when to give up? Because i think its my time. A person can only handle so much. My whole life has been hard. My mom has verbally abused me. Tried to fight me and passed that on to my sister. They think the worst of me. But I’m pretty poplular. Not because im attractive or sluty but because im the person people go to for advice or someone to lean on.
I dont fight or do drugs I respect everyone because I want respect back. On my 17th birthday in june 2014 my mom died. Yes on my birthday. I still smile […]
I force myself to go out alone. It is a feeble attempt to pretend I have a life. Everyone always says go out meet people do your own thing. Blah Blah Blah. I do freaking everything alone what I miss is human companionship. So, I am out having a beer watching football. I am surrounded by groups of friends and families. I am jealous and sad. I look and wonder what it is they have I don’t that. I can’t be that bad, my therapist always said everyone deserves love as is. As is in the sense of big small issues or no issues. It’s […]
Some time life’s great tell you realized your quest in life Is Worth it but only to you .in the end do people really care about u .or were u just part of a lust full delusion of an illusion. I’m happy in life and have no real issues to speak of ..but I feel like seeing what’s in my next life .
If my suffering could be manifested physically, I’m sure everyone would be okay with me leaving
by timetogonow
written by timetogonow
First time I tried to kill myself, I was 16. I overdosed and was hospitalised. I was raped and bullied. I left hospital and ignored calls from the police.
For the next five years, I felt myself losing a sense of who I was. A straight-A, goody two shoes, quit college (UK meaning of the word). I started over, but skipped school a lot. I ended up getting two As and a B at A Level. I got into a good university to study law, but I think they just wanted my money from international fees. I got a 2:1 with honours, but by the scrape […]
So I’m 19…and supposedly a girl who has the world going for me. I’m “pretty” and smart and everyone loves me.
So they tell me. When I was 11, my mom abandoned me to a city who devoured me like the storm devours ships. I was gangraped nightly, used, abused, beaten…..starved, and tied to a bed for days at a time.
I’ve suffered losing everyone close to me, either being left or God takes them from me.
I found a guy that loved me for everything I was….and man I feel hard. And I was doing okay….until May 2nd, 2014 when I lost my daughter, Dylan Michelle…at 6:30 […]
As I breathe deep and clear, even though you’re there I feel alone. I stand waiting as I’m here wandering capturing the capacity of everyone’s joy and laughter.
Though the key to myself is lost. I can’t live as before, where it was easy to become a friend to someone.
As I open my eyes I’m slowly becoming tortured by the way I feel with myself. How do I stop becoming this way I ask.
One day though it will become better as for all of us.
My birthday is tomorrow and I find myself researching ways to kill myself. I have felt suicidal since I was 7, yet I always convinced myself that tomorrow would be better. I have lived this lie for 19 years. I’m sick of it.
I tried to jump out of a moving car on Wednesday night. My fiance stopped me. When I thought about how horrible it would have been for him to see me like that, it made me feel so wretched.
I am an abuser. I abuse him like my parents abused me. I don’t hit him, but I hurt him with my existence. I am […]
So its been nearly a year since I tried to kill myself. I did it at the end of last summer, swallowed three bottles of anti-depressants. I did it because I wanted to die, and I was outraged when I woke up still quite alive. However I became even more upset upon learning the level of my injuries. Apparently comitting suicide after leaving home with nowhere to go is a worse idea, particularly in northern Minneapolis. After overdosing and passing out, apparently somebody found me and proceeded to mug me, stealing my few valuables and kicking the shit out of my body.
Not […]
Part of me still hopes for a safe resolution, maybe find someone that is not a religious crack head to try to repair me? Is just false hope, I know that. I’ve known that for some time. I wonder why I kept holding on to this noise. I knew that everyone was going to walk away, to move on.
Everyone moves on, in the end we are nothing but memories that linger in time and eventually fade into nothing. Unless you find one of those people that can never forget. If such a thing even exists.
I’ve been researching more locations in the area that […]
the popes got it wrong
when theres no more ozone
we will see the falacy
with our last breath
we’re all going to hell
with no water to quench the smell
inhaled in a blind hurry
a dead man walking at a feast
and our apologies won’t mean a thing
the childrens eyes will shame every human being
each passive one of us a sentencing
but the law rarely gets you for doing nothing
what we have done
knows no logical bounds
we have spoiled the earth
we gangrape the ground
when our plans got botched
we just stood by and watched
we can not explain away
everyone knew […]
It’s a strange feeling when you can actually feel your heart breaking. It’s not the break-up kind of heart break. It’s the certainty that I know I’m going to kill myself kind of heart break. It’s the crying on the floor asking God “why?” kind of heart break. It’s the understanding and knowledge that your life, your supposedly “purposeful” life is completely insignificant. It’s the kind of heart break when you decided it’s over. It’s the kind of hear break knowing that you are the equivalent of celebrity’s homeless, drugged up, beat up sister. It’s certain that I’ll kill myself. I’m tired of all […]
and I just get by by pretending that I don’t. Not inwardly, I mean on the outside. A mask of sanity. I’m a apathetic misanthrope portraying the character of a normal lovable person in a perpetual improv act.
I’m polite and sweet. I listen to people. I laugh at their jokes. I’m considerate. My mind is dissecting them. I’m dead inside.
I’m just not there.
I’m not depressed any more. I haven’t been for almost a year, but I no longer feel complex emotions of any kind. Some would call this a mixed blessing. There is nothing mixed about it. If I had to choose, I would trade […]
I honestly believe I live a privileged life. My parents have wealthy paying jobs, and I am able to go to a very nice high school. Nothing awful besides the deaths of my loved ones, and regular crappy teenage drama has happened in my life. I’m lucky. I’ve never been abused or assaulted, but I’m still sad. I was briefly bullied in middle school, but who hasn’t been in their own way? No matter how many incredible things happen in my life, I somehow fall back into a dark place. I have periods where I am so happy, and then I have times where I […]
The silence is deafening at times, my heart is filled with pain, sorrow and loneliness. Heartache has once again settled in to stay for awhile. How many more times should I try love again, over and over, really whats the point? They say to have loved and lost is better than not to have loved at all! I say fuck love!!
So the new me.. Im not leaving home unless I have to, Im not speaking to anyone unless necessary. Im just going to stop caring about everyone including my family. I guess this is a forced silence, well not forced, chosen. Im choosing to stop […]
I’ve been miserable for as long as I can remember. I’m a fully-grown adult now and it’s followed me everywhere. My situation in life is a complete failure, socially and financially. Unemployed, birthday coming up and no prospects for anything. I am about to be evicted and have no plan whatsoever for the future. Everyone who knows me I am a burden on, and honestly I think the world would be better off without someone like me here. I’m worthless, so it wont matter if I’m not here anymore. I’ll be missed by a few, but they will be relieved when the nuisance that is […]
Thanks everyone for providing a place where people who suffer from such a myriad of issues can tell their stories. While I know none of you, it’s been nice for the last few weeks to have a site to go that I can read posts from people who ask a lot of the same questions I did. It’s allowed me to live semi-vicariously through your words in a world where I didn’t think I was so alone, so isolated. I read all the posts, commented where I felt I might have some insight, tried to be there for people who wanted someone to talk to. […]
So everyone comes here to talk about ending it all….
Many of us are already dead.
You know what I mean.
I’m scared. Everything in my life is spiraling out of control.
I’m a failure. My family and friends are trying to support me, but all I can feel is their pity. And I hate it. I hate it so much. I just want to get away from everyone, and away from reality. I want to get drunk. Like so drunk that I don’t even know what’s happening, and just stay that way. And not have any worries.
I want to scream, and cry, and fucking hit something. I feel so angry and mad and.. I just don’t think I’m cut out for life. I paint a smile […]
I’ve wondered so many times why I must feel the way Ifeel? I still have not found an answer. Every now and then I used to break down, to live in crisis, cutting myself, drinking alcohol until i passed out, taking pills to lose myself, damaging every part of me for not to feel. I understand that i may never get this feeling “out of me”, I understand that no matter what I do, what I try, I keep falling far away, pushing everyone else, and theres only one thing else to do, not to try, because trying implies that I could fail, i will […]