Yeah fuck it. I’m done. I guess I tried. Is 8 months a good run?
let me just say I’m done hurting everyone around Me. I’m done being a monster, I’m done living. I’m giving up.
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So..today I had a panic attack in the middle of second period today..I hate it, I hate having anxiety. I know others must hate it too, it like ruins things so know I m on meds to control it but my dose needs to be higher cause it isn’t working anymore and my anxiety is back like it was before without them..Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh meh meh*dying whale noises* I also have bipolar disorder meh and borderline personality disorder..Meh *More dying whale noises* But if everyone else can ‘live’ with it I can too :/
TLDR: 20+ years old, moved abroad to meet online friends, did something silly and now debating whether or not to leave cause I’m happy as fuck here but if I go home (and make the people here happy) I’ll spiral back down.
Hi everyone, first post. I’ve read this forum for months while trying to constantly claw myself back up from rock bottom, and I thought I did (temporarily) until I came into this problem.
I’m in my early 20s and moved across the world to be a nanny. I was studying at home, working, and just felt like a drone. I had met a few friends […]
Nothing really matters to me anymore. If you need a listening ear, I’ll be there for you. If you told me something funny, I’ll smile and even crack a joke back. If you cried, I’ll offer you my shoulder and spend all my time comforting you till you feel alright. And then I’ll feel really numb, I don’t really know how to describe it, but I don’t feel happy anymore. It hurts to laugh and smile sometimes, when I just honestly want to curl up in a corner. I think I’m just being insecure, but all these thoughts will rush into my head, and I’m […]
Hi. I’m Cole. I have depression, anxiety, and eating disorder, and I struggle with selfharm. I really want to end my life, and I guess this is my last chance to reach out. I keep a bottle of 67 pills hidden in my room. One of these days, I WILL swallow them. I just can’t see any reason to live anymore. My family hates me, my friends have given up on me. I’m a lost cause and everyone knows it. If you can give me one good reason to stay, I’ll reconsider.
Every time I set out to write, a book comes spilling out. I’ve deleted four fucking entries. The problems are too vast. I need to talk to someone who cares about me, someone I can be honest with, but there is no one. There is only my sister, and she has mental problems of her own and gets frustrated with other problems easily and then won’t talk to me for a long time in order to recover. I am so alone. My best friend abandoned me and I have no future. I’m 31 and my “boyfriend” treats me like crap. We both live with his […]
So my issues with being suicidal are somewhat complicated. Well, everyone’s are. Does anyone else have a chronic illness? I was diagnosed with M.E at age 13. More commonly known as chronic fatigue syndrome, that is however a pathetic name for something as debilitating as I have. I cycle through extremely bad times and not so bad times. The extremely bad times, like now consist of not being able to stand up for more than a minute, feeling the most overwhelming exhaustion the human body is capable of, not being able to shower or feed myself and being very depressed. The not so bad times […]
Physical pain, everyone understands. Correction: physical pain, everyone understands if they can see it. Everyone understands a broken limb, a gushing wound, a torn eyeball, but tell them your pancreas hurts or your ears are ringing, and you’ll probably get the condescending “aw poor thing” bullshit and then they’ll forget all about it.
Even worse is mental agony which not only can’t they see, but they can’t even conceive what it might be like. Tell them that your mind is coming apart at the seams and they’ll just give you a blank stare. You won’t even get the condescending sympathy bullshit. Instead they’re more likely to […]
I’m new on here, and I’ve been struggling since seventh grade really, but I’ve gotten much worse over the past few years. I’m currently a senior in high school. I’ve been to different psychologists, and none of them could help me and I just got really pissed off at them so I quit going. (Also financial reasons) But this year everyone has been just on my back every day about how I’m not trying hard enough and how I am just a failure. But I do try so hard to be the strong link. At school I get made fun of for who I […]
I thought I was feeling bad enough before. But apparently not. I still am trying to make things better in my life before “the date”. I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to do it. I wasn’t expecting so much drama and heart breaks. I am so alone right now. Everyone is tired of me and my depression. Everyone is so busy. I have nothing to look foward to. I have nobody to love. I have no passion left. I feel empty. I get this impression that I’m trying my hardest to feel better, but it’s never enough. Maybe I’m just not meant to […]
Every one thinks because i look happy means i have no problems like i dont deal with things.
When i came back  to school last year after my suicide attempt everyone just gave me strange looks….
Behind this smile is pain and hard times…
behind this smile is problems im dealing with..
Im NOT perfect…
I’ve attempted to overdose on many different things.. Last night I tried to overdose on what was left of my 200mg seraquel… When I awoke I couldn’t move my body, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t function… My dad came over to bring me food and had seen what I had done.. I reminded him of my aunty, she committed suicide a few years ago.. He kicked me to the ground.. My boyfriend abused me for the pathetic attempt. Something wants me to be alive, and slowly suffer..Â
I know im a pathetic person, I know I’m mental, I know I’m manipulative, im […]
giggles, smiles, happy moments
shattered broken and
Disappearing replaced with a broken heart and tears
A deeper darkness than you will ever know
Pushing on is to much
Causing more and more pain
The thought is more sweet than ever
Maybe it would be better
Everyone would be happy
The Darkness grows stronger with each passing day
Why fight
Why resist
Its the better option
Everyone else would be happy
I’m 37. And I’m an asshole. I’ve hurt people. Because I have fears. My mother was murdered christmas of 1999. My father, who always treated me like I was nothing, died christmas 2006. I always blamed myself for my mother’s death. I should have been there. I also have a severly autistic son, which I also blame myself for. In fact, she tells me all the kids are fucked up because of me. And I lost the one person that I loved more than anything due to me. Nobody else. And I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I’m the problem. Me. […]
I’ve done nothing to nobody yet I’m somehow the most hated person at my school I want my life to get better but everyone makes it worse I just want everyone to leave alone why can’t people do that WHY I get it I’m a horrible person I’m an asshole I’ve done nothing right in my life but I just want this suffering to end Ive never wanted to die so badly there is no fucking god and if there is he hates me I only want the hurt to stop once just once I want this to go away I’ve tried everything and I […]
I’m on my six advil.I’m going slow so I don’t throw It back up.I feel kinda high,I hope It stays like that & hopefully I feel no pain.I’m sorry to everyone.Sorry I wasen’t good enough,I’m sorry for all the pain I have caused anyone.I’m sorry for everything.I’m crying right now cause I had dreams.I’ve always wanted a kid.Always always wanted a baby girl;(I wanted to name her Savannah Miranda Espinoza.Damn I feel the advils.I need to hurry up and get out the house If I do pass cause I don’t want my sister to see my body.Fuck Is this really It or am I just […]
Atelophobia: the fear of imperfection, of not being good enough.
Today was great so why do I still feel like a worthless piece of shit? I worry more and more about weather or not I am going to kill myself. I no longer have a happy place to take me away from myself for a while. I feel it is almost necessary now to do it sense everyone is expecting me to. But the secret is I don’t want to die, I want to be happy. I want to wake up in the mornings with a smile and for the voice in my head to point […]
I’ve ruined everything. I destroyed all that I loved.
I’ve come to believe that I made everyone hate me.
Nothing can save me, because they wouldn’t if they could.
I made friends worry for me over my mistakes, it destroys me, and I know this is my fault.
I make my own family want me to leave, at only the age of 13.
They won’t admit it, but i know it. As everyone says, “actions speak louder than words.” and their actions show how much of a dissapointment.
But I cannot do it.
They will think it is their fault.
And that only will make […]
I always get on here and just look at everything everyone is saying so I figured I would post something today. I have many scars and a black heart. I miss the way I was before I started cutting myself, but I wouldn’t change a damn thing in my life or anything I have done to myself. The other day I broke down completely in front of the man I thought I could trust completely. I bawled my eyes out for almost an hour because of my f*cked up life and how bad I was feeling about everything. I tried to explained my feelings but […]
Think i am ready to start over per say. I don’t have a medical condition or was i bullied. Only 37 but feel like 90. Just ready to go. My solution to problems and issues was to start alienating everyone in my life. Did not prepare for succeeding. Got what i thought i wanted. Miserable eveyday and not willing to live like this. If there is someone in your life don’t make my mistake. Don’t let pride give you an excuse to shut everyone out. That person may be able to show you a brighter day. Wish i could articulate better. Can’t get out what […]