My life has been so terrible i feel like giving up. Every single day is longer and harder to get through. My ex boyfriend left me with our baby and i feel so overwhelmed. While he’s out there sleeping with other girls, smoking weed, and racing his car, I’m here just taking care of our daughter. Everything is on me. I feel like just killing myself so he can suffer. I feel like just running away into the streets filled with the promise of intoxication and liberty. I can forget everything. I can just die in a peaceful drugged out overdose.
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everything
I’ve been strangling myself with a belt, all day and night. I try so hard to keep it on, but things call me out of my room and I can’t walk out with it around my neck. I don’t want to live but I want to go out this way, as I just relax and watch something until I fade out. I know if I don’t go soon, I’ll lose everything again.
today for the first time in like 2 yr i felt like ripping my skin off myself. cutting my arms up from palm to armpit to remind myself what real pain feels like again. everything seems so backwards, theres no way forward apart from down, down, down. how am i supposed to move forward if everything i do gets ignored or pushed to the sidee. i just want a home, somewhere ill make my own, somewhere i can chill, somewhewre i can be myself. has that ever happened? i dont know what to do, i just dont.
by tma
written by tma
I cant swim. Everything consumes me. I take every comment or action against me as a declaration of dislike. I dead end myself trying to get over anything. The grief and helplessness is a salve to my conscious. I see right through people. Their lives so empty. Doing such superficial things. I dont know how to involve myself in anything superficial. I cant be meaningless. I therefore don’t do anything and hate myself for it. My family loves me. But where I want to go they will never support. They are the only people in my life. The girl I love. I keep doubting myself […]
Finally! I did it late last afternoon. I made everything ready, and then set me Down in my sofa/ couch and drank 4 beer. I found some good music on my stereo and did it! But… I woke up on the floor. The homemade fabric “Rope” i had made was broken. I remember when i was “Gone” hearing a lot of noise and wery fast loud breathing sounds. Really scary. I don’t know how long i was gone. When i woke up i did’nt knew WHO i was or WHERE i was for like 10 seconds. It was wery unrealistic. Now my throat Hurts when i swallow, […]
UGH. I hate myself so much right now. I had a lot of things going for me, an interesting job, a good education, friends….
But instead of being able to appreciate anything, I blew everything up in my face. I quit my job at the last minute (it was abroad), and have been hiding out in my room like a little *****. I’m just so depressed. And it’s happened before. It’s always so up and down. Left and right. I wish I had a better way of describing it than just, wow I fucked up. And I can’t take it back. I just hate myself and […]
For the past seven years I have been struggling to get through the day, and I simply cannot do it anymore. With every breath that I take, I am ruining the lives of those that are around me because I am nothing more than a burden. I am a disgrace to the human race. I am a monster. I hurt those that are around me, and I ruin everything that I touch. I am a failure in every sense of the word, and nothing I ever do will ever be good enough for anyone. I have been nothing but […]
I hurt all over. Im not sure why.but god its a shitty feeling and it just makes my head hurt more and that just intensifies the physical pain its like an endless loop of growing pain. And i just can’t sleep which makes it worse.
Idk everything about todays been overwhelming. It just makes me want to curl up and cry. That’s it really. Not much more to say than that.
My story of depression starts when I was 12. I self harmed for the first time. I didn’t have any friends and I was considered a loser. Looking back, I realize I wasn’t that depressed then. I was depressed, but not terribly bad. No, things started going horribly wrong my freshman year of high school. I couldn’t pay attention in class because I would start imagining my death. Blades were my crutch. I managed to make a few friends, but people still knew me as a loser. I was sad all the time, that’s all I really remember. I was never happy. Happy was as […]
I think I am almost ready… I almost let it slip today that I have a plan. No one noticed though all I ever hear is have faith. Well it’s too late for that… I have to pick a date I think that will help push me to get everything ready. I wonder how long it will take for anyone to notice I am gone.
Just need to put my goodbyes in order…I have to say goodbye…
It may look like we have everything
Everything should be perfect so you can live the best life….
Wrong
Sometimes all you need is support and happiness
I can tell for some people, they have all that
As for me
I just want to be happy…
In everybody’s life there are ups and downs, but it seems like in my life there are ups and downs and downs and some more downs. And that goes for each and every day. I can’t stand it. This thing is driving me crazy. Correction – driving me to the edge of fucking putting a bullet through my freaking skull, because crazy I already am.
I’m on the verge of knocking myself out, hopefully with enough pills this time.
There is a part of me that do wants to live, to experience whatever may, but that part is very small. The other part, the dominent part, say […]
I can’t seem to do it. I have adhd. I get jobs and I try hard and in the end it’s always the same. I’m not going to kill myself because I know how it would screw up my kids, but I really want to die. I thought this time would be different. I got an ADHD coach, and I worked harder than I ever have to keep everything together. I loved my work. I kept a positive attitude.
i feel so hopeless. I’m so tired of feeling defeated. What’s it like to be good at something? Yes I want to kill myself. I just can’t.
lots […]
Reality is boring & LIMITED !!
Real life is boring & LIMITED !!
Real world is boring & LIMITED !!
I also hate this life, I hate people / humans (well.. MOST/90% of them), I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very BORING !! and especially nowadays become ONLY very materialistic, money / profits driven only, all about money, money, money, & image, image, image! ; it’s very superficial, shallow, and mundane boring!
Why movies, video games, comics, books, novels, anime/manga, creative Art, basically human’s IMAGINATION & fantasy is often/always a hundred times FAR much more interesting & better than this sad, mundane, boring, superficial, […]
I decided to not kill myself and face what the hackers and their coalition have in store for me. I have actually been praying, and asking god for forgiveness for being such a messed up human. The Coalition of hackers and people they got to their side from hacking tricks, deception, and me simply being manic are in the process of trying to get me thrown in jail. Ironic as it is considering how I was being hacked and harassed and all, but it is what it is. I hope if there is a god he can see despite all of my flaws that deep […]
The life becomes unbearably painful for me. I’m slowly losing it.
Everything was just as I always wanted it to be. That is, until the third year of college. I did two faculties simultaneously and I started running out of time, sleeping less and receiving not-perfect grades because of that. Then I failed one exam. That completely broke me.
Suddenly problems appeared, all at once. Problems with being gay and not accepting myself because of it (I never loved anyone and never been with anyone, I consider staying in closet forever), with trust, self-esteem, need of approval, enormous stress, problems with physical appearance, money, family and friends relations. […]
fuck Reality ! Reality sucks ! Real world sucks ! Real life sucks ! Reality boring ! Real life boring ! Real world boring ! movies, novels books, comics, games, manga/anime are better than Reality !!
by niki
written by niki
fuck Reality ! fuck real life ! fuck real world !
Reality sucks ! Real world sucks ! Real life sucks !
Reality boring ! Real life boring ! Real world boring !
movies, novels, comics, games, manga/anime are better than Reality !!
there is no MAGIC, no SUPERPOWER , no ‘cool, magical’ SUPERHERO / SUPERHEROES like in those movie , novel , comics , game / games , manga / anime , etc etc !
FUCKING BORING real world / real life / reality !!!
I also hate this life, I hate people / humans, I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very BORING […]
I’ve gotten all business attended and done I’ve got everything in order now I just have to do it finally I’ll be free from my abuse all my pain I don’t belong in this world was there any doubt I would die early not in my mind I knew at a youngest age that it would end with a bullet through the mouth and soon it will be done
I’m not sure how to put this in words. today my last family member in my life said he didn’t wanna hear ne more “excuses” y my life sucks. and to me that’s just like the rest of the world. have enuf and turn away. i have a beautiful daughter. i promised her id stay with her since I’m all she has. but couple weeks ago i got caught up with a joint. and now cps all up me. my lights and water will b cut off in a couple weeks and i have no way to put heat in my house. so cps will […]
It is always the same thing. Funnily, I should say, it is always the same thing. They pretend to care. They pretend to share my sorrow. They pretend to wish me the best.
But they just don’t care. They have their little own things to worry about and I’m not a part of these little things. I’m just contingent. And why (WHY?) would they care for someone who isn’t necessary? I’ve heard it a couple of times. I’m just the depressed and anxious girl they know and I need to stop worrying and to have bright ideas. Yeah please do tell a diabetic person to stop […]