My husband died 18 months ago. I am raising my granddaughters age 16 and 20. I will put my house up for sale next spring and move into a small condo I own that will be in same school district for 16 year old. When she has finished high school and gone off to college my plan is to finish cleaning everything out and then kill myself. I plan to give everything away and have liquidated all financial assets except condo. Will have trust redone and everything spelled out for all financial gifts upon my death. Life is too […]
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everything
When your 15 and thinking about death everyday, as a release in life , the probability that you will live long seems to get slimmer by the day. The only things holding me here seem to be fear and family, but I think these things will disappear with time. However, having read what people post here I feel like a cowardly little thing who doesn’t have a clue what she’s on about. Â But after coming home everyday and feeling like the good no longer cancels out the bad in my life everything seems pointless. The only problem is that my depression has me gagged and […]
I don’t know who to trust no surprise
(Everyone feels so far away from me)
Heavy thoughts sift through dust and the lies
(Trying not to break but I’m so tired of this deceit)
(Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet)
(All I ever think about is this)
(All the tiring time between)
(And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me)
[Chorus]
Take everything from the inside and throw it all away
Cuz I swear for the last time I won’t trust myself with you
Tension is building inside steadily
(Everyone feels so […]
It’s an odd combination for me. It just brings me back to suicideproject, always does. I’ve had ups and downs, times I wanted to live, but also times I wished to die. Regardless of my mood, listening to certain songs always brings me back to that peacefull place in my head. The same part of me that is constantly weighing life against death. The same part that brings me here..
Do you guys have songs like that? songs that just hit through everything and play with your soul?
I don’t think I can do it anymore.
I’m tired. I’m so tired. Of fighting myself, of struggling, of not sleeping, of my thoughts, of the loudness, of the pain, of the medication.
I just wish that my brain would be quiet. It’s too loud. Everything hurts.
please
make it stop
I don’t know why I’m gettin so mad. It’s not like something to get mad at, it’s the smallest things that make me go off into a loud yelling or scream. I have so much anger and I dont know why.
I get mad at my mom, dad, sister, and especially my friends. I love my friends but I’m starting to hate everything about them. It’s like I want to punch them in the face everyday.
I just feel angry and depressed. So ANGRY…
I feel like the devil is inside of me and taking over my body creating so much hate. Theres just so many things in […]
I knew didn’t I? In the moments before I had that first, tiny, dreadful thought, I’m sure I knew. The idea wouldn’t cross my mind and then never come back. That’s not how it works. It’s like when you’re searching for the answer in a trivia game, you get stuck on one thing you know is wrong, but you can’t think past it.
That first thought. The whisperings of death drawing me closer with every incident. I’ve come to accept that even if I make it through this, even if I survive the next 10, 20, 30 years, I might not make it further because I’ve […]
Fairytales aren’t real … the stories you read in the books when you were little , they’re all lies to. There’s no happy ending , no prince charming and there’s no one there to save you when you need to be rescued. There’s just the darkness and its there to eat you alive , to remind you that your life sucks. It pushes you until you break down , it breaks you until you are completely broken. People say that if you fall 10 times you get back up 11 times well here’s the thing … that darkness knocks you down 12 more times. Sooner or […]
A little over a year ago I met the love of my life. We had everything in common, he made me laugh, and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. For a few months, he seemed to be in love with me, too. But after a few months, he just lost interest in me. He stopped wanting to have sex and acted like he was annoyed of me and that I was a chore. We broke up and 2 months later he was dating someone else. The girl he started dating is beautiful, smart, and has lots of friends. They are […]
Fuck fuck FUCK! I didn’t nearly gather the courage. There was this really sweet and kind NCO, who had been there since the beginning, and I trusted well enough to tell. But fuck me, I didn’t have the courage to talk about it. She often seemed understanding, and I usually tell people I trust everything. The squadron is my family, and I am undoubtedly going to tell someone. I know they could easily help me. If I’m FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK alive by then, then I will. I’ve always secretly liked her, so that doesn’t help for FUCKING SHIT.
I came home to visit my girlfriend today and to get some business done. But now as the day is ending I’m feeling the stress and panic of everything is coming down on me. I’m so upset that I didn’t bring my razor blades I could’ve felt better tonight. I feel out of control without my blades with me I feel like my emotions can’t be managed without them. Ugh. I’m pulling my hair out I’m so damn anxious and on edge!
Everything I do is wrong
I, my life perspective is “bad”
I befriend “bad” people
I listen to “bad” music
I do things “wrong”
I dress “wrong”
I talk “wrong”
Everything I do is wrong
The way how I live is wrong
The way how I care for people is wrong
The way how I worry about people is wrong
Why?
Why is it wrong?
Why can people not accept that who I am is who I am?
Everything I do is wrong
I am a mistake
I am not supposed to live
I am not supposed to be here
the life in me has gone
everything was wrong
in my life i had no sympathy
my life was full of tragedy
everything i knew and love
disappeared with a knife and a shove
i see the darkness closing in
in my mind all i knew was sin
i fucked up everything
i gave in
death is what i  start
cause everything fell apart
I’m 16 from a supportive family. I have a Girlfriend that treats me well and I have solid friends. But I can’t seem to take happiness from anything. I’ve planned everything to just give up and leave but I can never seem to take the last step, I really just want all of this to go away but I’ve tried everything, im ready to go, and im just looking for that one little push to tell me its time
I didn’t go to prom because of you. I didn’t get my scholarships because of you. I was suicidal because of you. That fake pregnancy scare we had? Your fault. I spent every penny I had because of you. I ruined my relationship with my grandmother because of you. I stole because of you. I thought of being unfaithful because of you. I turned against God because of you. I cried over my online relationship because you couldn’t be good enough for me for me to forget. I graduated with the lowest plan possible because of you, when I was on track to be the […]
Hello.
Nobody really needs to see this, just read my username.
————
Why keep on going?
It’s just…… Everything is made out to mean the world to people when there are stars out there that are trillions of times larger than our planet. If anything, we’re just science’s little exception. People say that if we moved just a little closer to the sun, our planet could burst into flames. So why try anything?
this all started from reading some story, by the way.
I just don’t understand why we keep on working if everything is going to waste anyways. Maybe I’m just being a big ol’ douche, i dunno.
If we want […]
…a temporary solution to a permanent problem.
I can’t separate the things i want, from the things i can’t stand, or handle, or accomplish.
Everything i do want, is attached to enough of something i don’t, to invalidate pursuit.
I can’t find anything that is both available to me, and also worth my efforts to gain it, which are inevitably and irrevocably connected to conditions and/or consequences i can’t, or won’t, endure.
I can’t find, even with all i know and the capacity of my mind to “imagine,” anything… that fills me with both belief and motivation to achieve, accomplish, or attain it… but that is also available, and […]
i am not okay. im ending my life tonight i hate everything. goodbye
I’m scared. I’m scared of feeling stuck, of being tormented not only the past, but my own thoughts. I’m scared of moving on, of trusting people who will only abandon me when they find out that I’m not as perfect as they foolishly believed. I’m scared of the possibility of being stuck in stasis for the rest of my life, not accomplishing anything, while everything else moves forward at the speed of light. I’m scared to live with the pain caused by living.
Yet I’m afraid to die. I’m scared that maybe I could have made a difference in someone’s life, maybe even reached my full […]
Ok so it has been really hard for me to admit this but I’m a bad person! I do not care about anyone or anything?! I’m always and only worried about me! Its like I know im this evil person but I don’t do anything! I fear everything! I fear driving and dying I fear people not liking me when why should they I’m a fuck up and it’s like I know im a fuck up but I don’t do anything , I’ve been on this site before and read others posts but im so concerned with myself that I can’t even care and isn’t […]