I’ve been getting better. But I just have this feeling that I won’t be here for much longer. I acknowledge the gifts I have but I could never imagine a future where I’d be able to share them with anyone.I can’t shake this feeling,its like I’m dying bit by bit. I can’t even imagine the pain that my family woulf be in if I killed myself,its as if it doesn’t matter to me anymore.I don’t think anyone will be surprised when it happens. I’m scared because I’m not even sad about it,this unsettling acceptance of death. I wish I could see what […]
Tag:
family
I really fucked things up with my friends and they won’t ever forgive me. I feel extremely bad with myself for what I did and feel I can no longer live with myself knowing I did the things I did. I don’t have a good relationship with my family and there’s no one left in my life so I contemplate suicide because no one would be affected by it anyways since not even my family cares.
Since my father has heart problems and my grandma had trouble sleeping I’ll take all their pills and swallow them all at once so I can finally put an end […]
I’ve attempted suicide over ten times.
I’ve never been raped or lost someone close to me to death. I’ve never been homeless or starving. I’ve never run away or snuck out.
Instead, I’ve smoked and drank. I cut and I burn. I think about my death often.
I remember when my parents found out how suicidal I was. My mom laughed and then continued smoking and my step father joked about keeping me away from his tools. They never put me in a hospital, and only took me to therapy once.
They put me on a bunch of meds, […]
On to the point … when i was barely 3 years old , my parents went to work abroad since we didn’t have enough money to pay out the credits they had taken to build our new “Home” … the credits were more than 6 digits in € … I was still young and i had become a witness of so many family argues that its not even funny , i have seen my father hit my mother to *BLOOD*, believe me it was quite traumatising for a 3-5 year old kid to witness this … so on , when i was about 7 […]
Today is my mum’s birthday and I feel so let out of everything.
I mean, I know she doesn’t like me that much but is it really necessary to completely ignore me?
I just want something. Something to show me that I’m still here, because sometimes I’m so alone, i forget other people exist.
Just random, everyday thoughts.
-V
I have very little sympathy for Bobbi Kristina’s family. They forced that poor girl to stay alive far too long after it was determined there was nothing they could do to save her. Whether she did it to herself or if her boyfriend killed her, whether she wanted to die or not, it’s safe to say that she suffered through 3 long years of unimaginable grief. I’m more inclined to believe that she killed herself, but that’s just me.
If I were her, all I would want is to be with my mother, not wasting a hospital bed while my family begs me to make […]
Right now I’m 16 and turning 17 on March. So the plan is to me nice to as many people as I can possibly be and then kill myself. Why? because I’m afraid of being judged both religious wise and Hunan wise.
None of you now my backstory. So just recently I’ve found out my whole life as been a lie. My dad divorced my mother before I was even born, because of me. Also my whole family (excluding my mother) wanted me dead, again before I was even born. And the worst part it that they pertain to care about me.
So I was unloved even […]
My wife of 5 years left me about 2 weeks ago, out of the blue.
I take some responsibilities in light that I have anger issues. We had cyclical arguments in which I blew up every 6 months, and in my anger I lost my self. My wife has told me that she lives in fear because of this.
I thought I was making improvements… For example when I have temper outburst, I no longer make threatening gestures (only my tone of voice was escalated, and I had hostile look on my face). But she said enough is enough, she is not willing to give me any […]
Poll: how much of your existence has been happy and when was the last time you was happy?
by wndozh8er
written by wndozh8er
of my 31 years on this earth, I had brief moments of happiness as a small child but never lasted due to my chaotic family situation. Maybe an average of just alittle under a month a year. After that – May 1995, July 1995, March-May 1998, March-May 1999, April-October 2002, September-December 2006 and November-December 2011. I’m not even sure if I was truly happy than ether because my life has been so miserable I can’t tell the difference sometimes. Those dates I pointed out were more or less when my life was not a living hell.
how about yall?
I know on my previous post, I talk about how things started to work out for me. However, as expected, my world has crumbled down again, and I’ve found the trigger. My own father. He doesn’t love me, he is not proud of me, all he does is blaming me and being sarcastic as hell to me. He gives this overwhelming affection to my sister, he talks to her, he shows how much he loves her in front of me.
These past couple days, I felt perfectly fine. Today, I feel like shit. I started crying with no reason again, I have this urge to hurt […]
I am fourteen years old. My father abondoned me as a child. I think of that a lot. why wasnt i enough for him. Why did he have to leave me? Also when i was a child i was raped. My family doesnt know and only one of my friends does. I deal with constant flashbacks. I see and hear things that arent there. i hear voices telling me to do things i dont want to do, to hurt others and myself. i see scary things and stupid things from monsters to birds. I am secretly gay and live in a catholic family in the […]
I’m okay with that. If I can make peace with that, why the hell can’t any of my family members stop bugging me about being single? I know I haven’t dated anyone since 2012, but judging how things went then, being alone isn’t so bad. It’s not that I haven’t gotten over the last girl I dated, I just don’t feel the need to have all of the drama I had last time. I’m going to die in a month, so why the fuck does it matter?
The only reason I’m ranting about this is that I am currently visiting some family and my dad couldn’t […]
I don’t know my family very well. I’m not very close to anyone, no cousins no friends.
My whole life I wished for that closeness to someone. My dad left my mom when I was very young, she would always choose her boyfriend (at the time) over me.
I ended up in homeless shelters before I was 18. I didn’t know how to love or except anyone. I was so jealous of people with their happy family and close sibling relationships.
I became a raging alcoholic while trying to keep myself financially stable, wishing that death would find me soon.
I ended up at the […]
Hi i need the best way to die, without pain. Please dont try to preach to me i dont have family/friends or anyone by my side so dont use that line on me. But please anyone asap i do not want to live for another week.
It is tough for me to explain and on the added front, it is tough for other people to understand as well. In the end, I am another person who wants to die but at the same time hangs on.
I definitely did not grow up “usual”. I grew up best described as isolated on a farm. I am the youngest. I have two older siblings, a sister (5 years older) and a brother (7 years older). We attended church and I attended Sunday school which was the sole social interaction that I had for my first 5 or so years of life. It was extremely […]
Those who consider suicide, will you leave some money for your relatives so that they could pay for your funeral? I will go to an interview soon and hopefully get a job. I’m planning to work and earn enough money so that it would have enough for my family to pay for the funeral and I wouldn’t be a burden to them after my death.
I consider myself to be an Empath. You might be one too. It’s been extremely difficult to live and function in a society where people don’t really have empathy so it’s hard for them to really feel what somebody else is going through. And that’s why so many people are ruthless and cutthroat, you know. Being and Empath is like having a finely tuned ‘Bullshit’ Lie-Detector. It’s really strange to have the ability to really feel what other people are feeling because I don’t know how to handle and cope with it. Now, staying away from strangers is easy enough; I just don’t go outside […]
Day after day I sit in my room and watch the sunrise from my bed. Night after night I wake up to the sounds of my family getting ready for bed. I’m so afraid. I’m alone in every sense of the word, and it terrifies me. The fact that nobody will remember me after my inevitable death makes me sick. The fact that my family would only show up to my funeral because they have to nauseates me. The fact that I’m the one pushing people away makes me see red. I can’t understand my own emotions and the only thing I can think about is […]
So I have no idea how I ended up on this site, from the point of browsing to signing up to typing this. But I know that, this’ll do as a distraction even for a little while until I can actually find a way to die.
I suppose people reading this are thinking ‘well, what’s her reason for wanting to die?’ and the thing with me is, is I’m just very very shit at trying to ‘adult’ my way through life. I’m gonna start from the beginning to the point where I either feel like I’ll post this or just delete it because my life might […]
Once there was a girl, a happy girl, full of life and love. She would look on ahead at the future she would experience with joy and excitement. Nothing could touch her.
She went on, loving each day more than the last. Until a darkness touched her. She no longer looked in the mirror to see that smiling young girl looking back at her. Instead she saw death. These days continued, the death growing stronger in her eyes, consuming her will to live. It suffocated her, drowned her in a way that no one could see. She turned away from her friends, thinking all she […]