Another beautiful evening in my family. As usual, my dad threatens to kill himself, and my mother says he can do it, because she can’t take it anymore. After that, he turns violent and starts smashing things… It’s a mystery to me how he managed to smash so many things in so little time… Tonight is different though… He’s serious about commiting suicide… And quite frankly, I don’t give a flying fuck anymore… Go and hang yourself, you pathetic drunk asshole… Old violent and manipulative ************… He wanted my mom to have an abortion when she was pregnant with me, then, he rejected me as […]
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family
OK this is my big RANT post of the day or even the week. I call it WHATS THE POINT. (( dont read it if your sensitive ))
Ive been around for more than 4 decades and after all my days of living I find that there are certain things that just really suck about life in general.
One) Life is not fair. Some people are born into well off familys and have a loving careing family that provides a good childhood for them and able to supply them with all a child needs to be happy and to havea good education and proper nutrition etc. While […]
Life is not fair / unfair. there is always winners & losers. I’m a loser, so why can’t I / losers just commit suicide?
by niki
written by niki
Life is not fair.
Life is unfair.
there is always winners & losers.
there will always be winner & loser.
so why can’t I / losers just commit suicide?
rather than they keep living chasing & fixing all their way too many losses, which is probably too late anyway too.
and usually losers can’t win / can never win against winners anyway .. even the “start” is already too late!!
This is the harsh truth / fact / reality .
Reality / Real life / Real world is very LIMITING / LIMITED in what we can & can’t do !
We are limited by money […]
So guys here’s my story, I’ve been living an average life. I was pretty confident, had some people who liked me. Girls thought I was quite good looking, more or less I new what I wanted in life I wanted to play hard now n later settle down with the love of my life. So basically I had things planned, i lived my life a day at a time worked during the days, went to gym in the evenings, Clubbed on Fridays n Saturday nights. Everything was good I did this for the past year. I had two best friends which I went to gym, […]
As a kid growing up, I didn’t grow up happy. The pain I go through everyday of my life does not equal to the average kid today. My biological father was my everything to me when I was young. He was the only person I look up to. We weren’t close, but he was the one in my life that gave me hope and happiness. Around the age of five, I was oblivious to see our family problems. I had no idea what was going on. My father told me in the midst of my sleep that he loved me, that he was leaving. Again, […]
I am writing from a deep dark hole. I do not feel that my life is worth living. I am depressed because I have worked all year, and now that Christmas is here, I have no money to spend on my family for Christmas presents. I spent all of my hard earned money paying bills – medical and dental bills, car repair and insurance.
My employer is a remorseless entity. They work you to death,pay you nothing and treat you like dirt. I have tried but am unable to fins another employer. I feel so guilty. I have no friends to share my experiences with. My […]
I had a night of wild dreams. Sometimes I wish I could just keep sleeping. Today I have some decisions to make and I’m not sure where to go. I feel lonely and confused about what is the best way to go. Do I stay where I am or move closer to family? I am anxious but grateful for all the help today.
I’m not technically suicidal. I just wish I were dead. The relief. Or someone else who is normal. I am bipolar and I cannot be genuine in relationships. I cannot date. I keep myself to myself on my personal time. My best friends are all those I had as a young child. I was always funny (what fucked up person isn’t the funniest?) At work I am the funny hard worker. You’ll never see me bring depression or sadness into the workplace. No one would have a clue I’m drowning in my own ego. My friends don’t know anything. One actually complimented me just last […]
When I was younger all I wanted to do was be an amazing person…
I wanted to be in the military, or become a lawyer,or an Olympic swimmer. As I got older something inside of me changed, I started losing myself. I lost people I loved and cared about. I was hurt by the mean kids in school. I was hurt by the people I wanted to love me that I loved so much, by the people that I wanted to make proud but no matter what I did I was just never good enough for. I realized that even if I […]
After a very long, rough, antagonizing night of my indecision to commit suicide to be with my lost fiance’ I’ve decided to stay. It was the first time since the night I found out he died the I had truly sat down and wrote letters to my family, to my best and only friend, and to the man who has been trying to pick me back up since I have fallen saying goodbye and how much I really loved them and didn’t want them to hurt. So to say it was for attention would be a lie. I don’t much like attention although […]
God, if you are merciful, then Let me Die! How long can I bleed? My skin effuses rage, hate, anguish. I am a curse to my family. Pain sears my body. Rather than making a lasting contribution to humanity, I pray, Primum Non Nocere! Remove me so that Primum Non Nocere! She elicited a hairline fracture. A Trigger shattered the side. The vessel stands gaping, bleeding. Dying. Beyond coping resources. So tired. Is one more day of torture really success. “You’re doing so well, one more day.” Then I am loathe to succeed.
I suck. Everybody hates me. I hate myself. I have no family, no friends, my coworkers hate me. I don’t even know why. I seem to bring out a visceral hate in everybody I encounter. If not for my dog, I’d be dead already. Ironically, I have a big heart and am usually attempting to be nice and helpful. But, it inevitably backfires. Cheers.
I don’t wanna lose it again. The last weeks and months were better, but now I know I’m heading right towards the abyss and can’t seem to change the direction, no matter how much I would like to. I do stuff even though I know it’s detrimental. Like even at this moment I’m listening to music of which I know it triggers my depression. Maybe it has to do with the days getting shorter and the weather getting colder. Or maybe it’s the stress, but that’s usually worse when I have to write exams. Best I can do now is survive another 1 1/2 weeks […]
I’m fairly certain I’m going to kill myself before the new year. I’ve just had enough of living and not being happy. I’ve never done heroin before but I bought some about a year and a half ago just for when I decide to kill myself. I plan on OD’ing so I’ll atleast go out with a false sense of happiness. Should I do this before or after Christmas? I’m supposed to go home Christmas Day to visit all of my family.
I am not depressed…. I am not even feeling very down…. I am not happy… but I am not unhappy…. I am somewhere just above midline… Another failure in life reminding me that my efforts don’t matter my limitations will raise up and remind me I am so close to making it into regular life but just can’t make it over the fence… I am tired of being on this side of the fence… I want to hold it together… 3 mouths are counting on me holding it together but the longer I go the further away I am moving from them… Haven’t talked with […]
I dont know exactly how to word this. Nor do i know why i feel the way i do every single day. Im often wasting my life away, feeling that damn tired feeling that makes me want to lay down and wish for the pain in my heart to stop. I keep asking myself why when the pain consumes my mind, suicide rings like a clear message.
Im a 19 year old, high school graduate male. Bisexual in my tastes, and the abomination the church I once sought comfort in, would now view me if i come out. I’ve never had a relationship. I’m dead scared […]
I honestly don’t know why I’m writing this… I can’t say that I want to commit suicide… at least not right now. I’m meant to be doing coursework right now so I’ll probably finish that then contemplate taking my own life.
I have a great life. I study, I have a family and friends, but at the same time I’m not good at anything that I study in my course, I loathe and despise the members of my family no matter what they do I can feel a deep poisonous hatred for them. And… I’m not sure if I actually friends… I have people I talk […]
I have pushed away everyone in my life over the last few years; family, friends, significant others…everyone. Why? They don’t understand how I feel inside, how I suffer on a daily basis. They are finding joy in life, so I cast them out and tucked myself away…probably for the best.
Is there such a thing as being to alone? Is there such a thing as a loner finding another loner to be alone with? Does this ever happen? I realize I cannot have a “normal” life with lot’s of family and friends around, but to have just one person, a companion, would make life “normal” for […]
So where to start-almost 60 yrs old, would be considered successful by most, I guess. But I feel it’s all a lie. I’m not as good as people think I am at my job- if I do something praiseworthy it’s more by accident than skill. Most of my life has been like that. I’m really not that good at anything! I have a family, very proud of my son, but I think everyone else in the family just looks at me as a paycheck. Every day I stress about letting them down somehow, or disappointing them, which according to my wife I do on regular […]