I’ve had enough. I’m done trying to prove myself. Or trying to please you. “Listen here you little *****,” is that what I am to you? A *****? I stopped being your daughter years ago. Even before I truly realized it. You thought I was messing with your head then? I’m not sick like you. The whole damn family knew you cared more about your boyfriends then you did me. “I’ve written my resignation letter twice Cierra!” Wanna know how many times I’ve written my suicide letter? I deserve to be treated better. I haven’t done anything wrong. I don’t clean my room well enough? […]
Tag:
family
I’m someone else. At least that’s what I’ve felt like these past few months. I don’t feel like myself. It is hard to get out of bed. I don’t want to eat. I am unable to sleep. My smiles aren’t sincere. My laughs are half-hearted. I don’t want to be around anyone. I can barely talk to anyone. I can’t be happy. And I don’t want to live.
I hope that something can save me.
I pretend to be myself, even though I haven’t felt like myself these past few months. I get out of bed to eat. I eat because I don’t want to lose […]
It’s so hard. I know that suicide will hurt a lot of the people around me especially Tino. And Tino if you see this I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be another Alexis. I can’t take this depression and these thoughts anymore! Between the thoughts, depression, anxiety, my past, my present, my family, coming out to myself as gay, I can’t go on like this anymore! My wrists are scarred but covered by bracelets, my mind is killing me. My soul is already dead. I found out that not even people who are friends of my family would support me being gay. No one that […]
I can’t do this anymore, I really truly can’t. The stress is too much. The pressure is too much. Everyone expects too much from me, when I can barely even get out of bed in the morning anymore. To my family I am just a failure because I can never meet their expectations. To my friends, I am a burden to have around because I suck the life out of anyone who is near me. I ruin everything that I touch beyond repair, and I am nothing more than a pathetic waste of space. I shouldn’t be on […]
My story of depression starts when I was 12. I self harmed for the first time. I didn’t have any friends and I was considered a loser. Looking back, I realize I wasn’t that depressed then. I was depressed, but not terribly bad. No, things started going horribly wrong my freshman year of high school. I couldn’t pay attention in class because I would start imagining my death. Blades were my crutch. I managed to make a few friends, but people still knew me as a loser. I was sad all the time, that’s all I really remember. I was never happy. Happy was as […]
I’ve always known I like girls. But I always thought I liked guys too. I’ve had boyfriends but….. I have never had that butterflies, stomach in knots feeling around a guy that some girls talk about. I’ll say I love them but it’s more like a friend kinda love. To me at least. My family is a bible thumping kind of family. My Mum would hate me if I told her my suspicions. I’ve always labeled myself as bisexual. My family doesn’t know that though. Most of the time because of this I think I’ll never be loved. The town I live in is small, […]
My pain.
Staying up all night wondering why your even alive.. Asking your self is it even worth being here ? Looking up to the moon and the stars while your tears are falling down your face. Looking down at your wrist and seeing all your scars. You close your eyes and reminiscing when you where that happy lil girl full of joy and faith. You open your eyes and your back to reality , where you hate everything about your self. You get out of your room and take a glance at your family apologizing to them in your mind for all the pain you’ve […]
I’m a good person, overall I don’t think there’s anything I do which is bitchy or dishonest. I really do live by the golden rule. Treat people how you want to be treated. I’m not even exaggerating. I really do.
I am quite a shy person. It come from a result of bullying throughout my childhood and onto my teenage years. Actually the first year of my life that I wasn’t bullied was when I was 17. (I’m in my mid 20’s now) Sometimes I wonder if I have some sort of social disorder, because even now I find it hard to connect and trust people.
I’ve come to realize that when someone asks any variation of “how are you?” They don’t want to hear the truth. They want to hear something along the lines of “I’m good, thanks.” So they can go on and not feel guilty about not having asked why you’re sad. If you didn’t admit it, you’re not right?
The same goes for when they do actually ask if you’re upset about something. They don’t want to hear that you feel like your entire life is crumbling around you, they just want to look like a caring person for five seconds.
So you hide behind “I’m fine” […]
It all started when I was in 7th grade. I was a fat harmless lol girl who always minded her own business. Then all of a sudden everyone started calling me really hurtful names like trash , fat , whale , fat ***** , fat ass. They would always tell me that I wasn’t pretty enough and they would tell me to kill my self that no one would miss me. Id run home crying Locked my self in my room and got the blade and cut my legs and stomach where they wouldn’t see because I didn’t want them to see that I was hurting […]
I can’t handle it anymore, i just want to end my life, I’m a mess, and I’m a mean person with everyone I love.
My dad just die in 2011, and it hits me so hard, and I was so angry, because he never was there for me, even after all, I loved him, he’s my dad and I just wanted him with me to protect me.
I almost commit suicide because of that, and it didn’t happen because I was afraid, I’m still afraid.
After three years, now my mom has a boyfriend and he’s a kind person, he has two daughters, the younger one is so […]
I decided to not kill myself and face what the hackers and their coalition have in store for me. I have actually been praying, and asking god for forgiveness for being such a messed up human. The Coalition of hackers and people they got to their side from hacking tricks, deception, and me simply being manic are in the process of trying to get me thrown in jail. Ironic as it is considering how I was being hacked and harassed and all, but it is what it is. I hope if there is a god he can see despite all of my flaws that deep […]
The life becomes unbearably painful for me. I’m slowly losing it.
Everything was just as I always wanted it to be. That is, until the third year of college. I did two faculties simultaneously and I started running out of time, sleeping less and receiving not-perfect grades because of that. Then I failed one exam. That completely broke me.
Suddenly problems appeared, all at once. Problems with being gay and not accepting myself because of it (I never loved anyone and never been with anyone, I consider staying in closet forever), with trust, self-esteem, need of approval, enormous stress, problems with physical appearance, money, family and friends relations. […]
This depression is SO painful. My mind hurts. My chest hurts. I can barely stop crying. I really need to leave this earth so badly. There are little glimmers of hope, like tiny shimmers of light, but they’re gone just as quickly as they appear. Other than that, I worry for my daughter, how selfish of me it would be to bring her into this rotten world and then abandon her here without even me. I worry for my family, they would most likely never get over the grief of losing me, even tho I’m nothing. A burden. Useless. A failure. Still, that’s the way […]
Why me? That’s the question I kept asking myself.
Typically, it should be why not. Why me is due to me allowing such scenarios to happen. Being blinded to such apparent situations and then blaming myself for being stupid in dismissing the very fact I later loathe to witness.
At my age I thought I would be wiser and stronger. I’m 37 and went through a breakup – the only one relationship I had so far. When I was 22years old and when one of working colleague confessed his love to me, I said yes without much thought. He’s a friend, and I trusted him.
After 6 months […]
he won’t talk to me, won’t realize how much I love him and care, has his head so far up his sperm donor’s ass, my family and ‘friends’ ignore me, even my cries for help. I am surprised they haven’t repo my car yet. so here’s what I got. I’ve done lots of research so it should work. pure caffeine powder, iron pills, Aleve, diphenhydramine, caffeine pills, lamictal… an overdose of just a single one of those could be lethal according to what I have learned, so let’s hope this cocktail works. maybe then people I know will realize that this isn’t the way […]
From the begining of my life I was different ..growing in a family of 6 children being in the middle always hard….I am a day dreamer dreaming of living my life to the extreme but all my dreams were broken one by one by society ,my family and finally my husband…I must live to obey and nothing more,if I think it’s always the wrong way of thinking as they love to call it…I feel like a slave..I’m not exaggerating …I have to dress the way he wants ,talk to whom he like…I’m not allowed to have male friends…even me posting here is forbidden …I’m abused […]
my family is the reason why i just wanna disappear from the world.
they aren’t nothing but stupid selfish ass people, who could care less about you!
they fuck everything up. i can’t stand to be around them. they ruined my life pretty much
It doesn’t make sense. Right now, me sitting in my room with the lights out, only listening to flow of my typing. I’m not popular, but I do have friends. I have a crush. I have a roof over my head and food on my plate. I have a family that cares about me in their own way.
But still, I am alone. All that there is left of me is a shell that smiles. Inside, it’s hollow.
What’s the point? All the pain, expectations for the future, burdens from the past. I just don’t want to anymore. I sound like such a whiny b*****. Don’t most […]
I can relate with so many of you. I grew up in a family where my father was an alcoholic and incredibly abusive. My ever step or sniffle was a possible cause for a beating if he had too much to drink. As I got older I internalized all the abuse. I attempted suicide will pills but it never worked. I used to pray every night that God would take me away. God obviously had other plans. I had a horrific case of anorexia as I tried to control my life. Not eating didn’t help…I was tiny and people treat tiny people like china, but […]