cocktail

No, I don’t know you I real life, that’s true, most of us have fucked up somewhere and somehow in life, maybe not as bad as you, maybe as bad. I know you blame yourself for what’s happened to your relationship with Ryan and you don’t know what to do other than try suicide but to know someone is showing concern, you say in ‘real life’ no one is, that there is someone out there taking time to listen. I know how intent you are on ending it now and it does make me sad and I wish I could persuade you otherwise but I have to respond as others here have done, and are still doing, for me.

Ok, at least post back if you do survive, I know how bad you’ll feel if you don’t succeed. I’m just trying to make you sure that you’re making the right decision and that you may be able to move on given enough time but if you really do feel it’s right… but I will be sad.

Will I forget about you in everyday living then perhaps yes, but I will remember you from time to time I’m certain of that, I remember others on this site like Tinylove who I never talked to but just remember her last post, don’t know what happened to her. I don’t know how Ryan will act but I’m sure he’ll feel a loss when he hears, from what you say he loved/loves you and that’ll mean something I’m sure.

I don’t know why he’s made that choice; my father left my mum before I was born, left her with 4 children. I saw him a couple of times when I was 27 but I never forgot what he’d done, however, there was still something in my mind, this is my father, Ryan could be feeling the same. He’s perhaps putting too much reliance on his father’s opinion who sees you as a threat. Ryan may eventually realise that his father is not what he thinks at present but by then you could be dead. Are you taking your cats to the vets today or are they ok now?

It’s a shame his mother did that but there is often a need for a child to meet a parent again, that’s why I met my father. Perhaps the novelty of meeting and being with his father will wear off and he’ll feel he’s lost something with the loss of your love. I don’t know the outcome though and I’m sorry that he can’t see how his actions have affected you. Glad you managed to get to the vets, hope the cats are ok.

If he’s cut his mother out as well and she brought him up then he has been ‘persuaded’ by his father, he seems to have a hold over his son. You’re mother really doesn’t want to face up to the situation, do you think she could help if she reached out to you because it’s really a shame. I’d love your mother to just put her arms around you and hold you and let you cry your heart out because life can really be shit at times.

Please don’t be too hard on your mother, I don’t think she realises the true depth of your feelings to Ryan and believes she can just shake you out of it. I don’t know what your relationship has been with her in the past but killing yourself will hurt her enough, I just don’t want you or her to be in pain over all this it’s such a terrible situation.

Lovemyshihtzu, I know you’re in pain, you are so full of emotions at the moment. You say that you were once close to your mother, I feel you should reach out to her again she seems the only one you can. She says she doesn’t want to know, she’s pretending you’ll pull through but I’m sure she loves you. She wouldn’t want you to try to end your life and she knows you’ll try as you have already. My mother showed little emotion to me when I had problems but I know she loved me, I wished she was still around for me. Go to her and at least try, you don’t have to say too much but just re-establish a link with her, tell her not to judge or say anything but just to listen and then pour out your heart. I just want you to try everything you can.

I’m sorry that things have ended up like this, all I can say is that I do care about you and will be here next week hoping you have changed your mind or survived. Please don’t do it, I know you want to and can’t see a future without Ryan but there really is if only I could convince you but you’d need to convince yourself as well. I suppose for a brief moment of time our paths have crossed and I hope I have shown others do care about you, I’m sorry again Lovemyshihtzu.