First off let me start off by appolozing for my horrible grammar and spelling errors…this id rather hard for me to write but I push out the words as I best can…
My life hasn’t been the worst but in my very short life I’ve been through a lot, after steping away from drugs and liqour ..self harm and other self distructive ways I’ve dealt with life…I attempt so despratly to look at the positive side of life…. I always seam to run out of things to be greatfull for… I try to keep the faithand hope that things will get better but I don’t […]
Tag:
Fate
all i can think about lately is ending my life. these thoughts went away for awhile. i used to have them all the time when i was little, probably about 7 or 8. i don’t know why i’ve never been able to have happiness. the clues are that my mom worked all the time and i never knew my dad. i didn’t have friends or family growing up. i was very much a loner. i was raped when i was in high school and again, a few years ago. it’s my own fault both times–drinking and being around people who don’t care about you at […]
Ok, here I am after countless attempts to end my life all of which failed because I chickened out at the last moment or because of well…. fate. Yes, after all that’s happened I still believe in fate. If I ever succeeded in killing myself, this would be my note:
Hey Mom and Dad.
By the time you read this I will probably be gone. I couldnt leave without saying goodbye could I? I wont make it long, Mom; I know how busy you are and how little time you have. Let me start off by apologising for being the biggest disappointment in your life: it’s not […]
So is it so bad to be a gay male.. Yes it is, from how I’m treated. You’d think I was a fucking childmolesting murderer for how the people at school treat me. But no, just gay. It’s my senior year of high school too and you think it’d be the best but it has undeniably been the worst. I never knew that coming out would have such negative consequences. WTF was I thinking! I live in Montana in a small town FULL of homophobes.  And everyone knows that I am gay so that past five months since I did come out have been hell. Everyday I go through the same ritual […]
I’m 23, gay male and miserable a good deal of the time. I feel like I have no right to be so unhappy when I have so much going for me, but rather than feel guilty, I feel like, it’s not fare. Why would someone, God, Fate, Karma, whatever, give me so much to enjoy and so little capacity to enjoy it. I walked home alone tonight from a big drag show where everyone was having a good time. On the way out the door, I cheerily said goodbye to five friends, two of my therapists and the boy I’m in love with, who only […]
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