I’m sick and tired of being alive. Give me a reason not to die. And please, that reason can’t be “Things get better” etc. All of that is bullshit. I don’t believe in that.
I’ve been said things like “You can’t love others if you can’t even love yourself”. I have just a few friends, but none of them understands how I feel. Everyone but one person. She’s like my last reason to be alive. She has suffered a lot more than me, but she takes the time to listen to my problems. One day I know I will lose her. One day I know […]
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feel
Will sleeping pills with alcohol kill me- going into deep (painless) sleep style?
by caillte
written by caillte
You don’t have to read the rest of this, I just couldn’t help myself once I started. The questions in the title!
Right now I want to die. I’ve never felt it this strongly before. But then that stupid feeling of how it will affect my family keeps creeping in. Any ideas on how to get over it.
I keep fantasizing about death. It makes me smile now. And I feel like I should kill myself now before the other girl comes back. The girl who is smarter, possibly. The girl who will always be too chicken to go through with it. But right now I need […]
I want to help others more.
Please email me at rochellecate@yahoo.com if you ever feel depressed or lonely.
I promise, I will be here for you. I’ll help you get through whatever you’re going through.
You are NOT alone. I’ll listen to you. I’ll be your friend. Please let me help you.
Every time I close my eyes I see my self doing something I can’t possibly imagine ever doing. It’s as if death is the only way I could ever become happier. Suicide is something I would always be afraid of. Not until this year did I ever imagine it would be possible and not until about last month did I ever actually try it. Sometimes I feel like pills and blades and alcohol are my only friends, until I wake up bleeding or not remembering anything I did. Granted, I do have friends and family who love me but there words of encouragement are sometimes […]
Every emotion we feel, all our efforts they are all in vain,
the outcome remains the same and we are still left with pain.
Nothing can truly save you no amount of love or care,
those things condemn you, they leave you in despair.
We aren’t alone open your eyes, all these tortured souls,
but we can’t because we’re so consumed in our own holes.
I love you and that love is what’s draining me dry,
it’s why I spend my days crying wishing I could die.
You feel like a ghost, but I can see you, the real you,
I’m screaming that I’m here, but you walk right through.
And yet everyday I wake […]
That’s all I have, myself. In my experience, no body truly cares. I try to reach my hands over the counter, as if I’m the size of an ant, standing as tall as I can, though never do I reach. The only people who have ever cared still are unproven, unless they want something from it. I need help, however whenever I search for it I’m shunned away. Â The only person that wants to help me -isn’t my bestfriend, or my mother- it’s a stranger, wanting $125 a half an hour, and that’s the saddest thing of all.. Once I’m gone they’ll never understand, I […]
People who sit there and brag about cutting to everyone and they shove it in everyones face piss me off you dont go and tell everyone out of the blue i cut because i wanted too. Or people who make fun of it. Its not exceptable. There are people around you who do it cause they feel theres no other option. Who want to tell you off because of it. Because you dont know the pain of the people who do it to feel something again.
So I’m a 14 and a half y/0 boy who started this year alright, I had friends out of school, and I had friends in school, but they weren’t my real friends and I only hung out with them because I didn’t want to be the only kid in the library. This went on for a couple months and it wasn’t that bad… at around October, things went straight downhill. I started getting lots of pressure from my parents for school, and I was struggling really hard to get all my homework done and it wasn’t working out. I tried to make myself happier by […]
I don’t feel like I’m in a good place right now. I don’t really remember ever feeling any particularly strong feelings towards anything, even when I have achieved something I wanted. Anything I would have considered a victory feels hollow.
I feel like I want to become close to somebody, I can picture myself talking to someone where we both know everything about each other and yet we pass no judgements. This could be because we know that we are in what is effectively a M.A.D situation and any sort of point scoring we could hope to achieve about each other could be instantly negated; and […]
I think I work pretty hard to improve my life and then seemingly from a place I can only understand as the most subtle subconscious, I feel awful. This morning I asked God to take away the suicidal thoughts and I was granted a reprieve. I’m terrified of the prospect of trying to create some sort of life out of this I feel like there is a stake of fear driven through my heart.
Today, once everyone leaves me alone, I think I’ll cut. Nobody ever took away my knife when they found out about my depression.
I though I would stop cutting, but I really feel very guilty for some reason. I feel like I smother her. If I didn’t dive in too deep with her, if I didn’t fall so deeply into love with her, maybe she would still care for me. It’s my fault.
I feel like I’m losing who I am. Little by little. Piece by piece. Slice by slice. Chunk by chunk…
I don’t post very much, but I read everything, every day. I’ve seen some pretty insane stories here. Rape victims. Divorces gone terribly awry. Abusive parents, siblings, or other family members. People who lost everything. The list goes on and on; the list of, for lack of a better name, “typically depressed” people.
It’s incredible to me how the “typically depressed” crowd (and I say that with extreme respect) can be so strong. Lots of people have bounced back from these insane ordeals better than they were before. Sure, they’re depressed for awhile, but they “get over it,” […]
I’m suicidal again and have no one to tell. I feel no point. . . No happiness or sadness really. Wheni have many reasons to be both, but instead I would just rather jump onto some train tracks and be forgotten.
Even since I finished school I wasn’t sure what I wanted to study… Am I supposed to know at age 16 what I want to do for the rest of my life??? What I’m good for?? In the last ten years since I graduated from High School, I’ve pursued more careers that most people in their live do: Law School (twice), Culinary arts, Graphical Design (twice), Vet School, Commercial Aviation, etc… And being a failure on all of them, until I pursued Hotel & Restaurant Management, and everything seemed to go extremely well, good grades, with not so many Relapses on Depression, self-harm and Voluntary […]
i dont think i should even feel so bad. but im deppresed. i feel like im falling falling or rolling downhill painfully and it sucks. i can barely avoid the thoughts of suicide, when im eating, with friends, trying to sleep or any other moment at all. i just cant keep them out. im so afraid ill start to like them and eventually ACTUALLY love the thought of death. whats barely holding me in place is a caring girlfriend, the knowledge that i CAN get better and the mere thought that im human and i can BE.
that the only way to maintain my sanity is by going insane
Every night, sleep is difficult. I feel so alone, which is probably the most ironic thing I’ve ever said, considering my brother is my roommate. But yeah, it’s just…impossible. It’s probably when I feel my most depressed, which is completely inexplicable, because during the day it’s pretty bad too. Bad enough to where I’m just…incapable of doing work, which somehow seems pretty nonsensical. I’m just like, “fuck this,” which is just about the ultimate recipe for failure.
I’d hang myself with a bed sheet if I knew how to properly tie a noose, and if I knew how to properly secure […]
Getting better is a long journey. I woke up and the first thing I told myself is that I wouldn’t die today. I decided to set daily goals. Small things, baby steps.
I’m scared, I feel like if anyone got close they could actually smell the sadness emanating from my pores. I’m anxious and insecure. But I will fight this. I will not let my emotions take control over me.
I went for my weekly doctor’s yesterday as I mentioned in my previous post  http://suicideproject.org/2014/02/anywhere-but-not-there/. She was very weary of letting me stay home as I had put myself in a […]
I’m sorry if I mislead you, lead you on or gave any signals I didn’t mean to send. Truth is, I’m in love with someone who sure as hell isn’t you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before… I’m a lesbo freak. I’m in love and it kills me everyday because I know I can never have her. I feel z lot of shit, pity for myself and empathy for you. I’m sorry I can’t ever love you, and I know what it’s like now, to have love thrown back in your face. I’m sorry I can’t be who I wish I could be… if […]