December was when I had my last appointments with my therapist and psychiatrist, and that is when they said they’d send out new ones in the new year. A month later and I’m still waiting for the letter. So I decided to call up their offices, to find out whether they’d made one and I just hadn’t got the letter. Turns out they haven’t even fucking made one with me. What a nice way to find out even my psychiatrist and therapist have given up with me, a fucking phone call with their receptionist. I don’t even know if this means they’ve discharged me or […]
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I don’t know what to say. it’s been a few months since I was last on here. I felt pretty bad. Months later, I feel better and worse at the same time. It’s hard to concentrate. This calm, dull inertia seems to have crept over me. the days pass in a blur of unfeeling, which is almost worse than the pain. Focusing on my work has helped some. I hide and ignore the world. My family continues to fall apart, and I’m glad I’m not there, but I feel terrible for feeling that way. honestly, I want this all to be over somehow. But that […]
its seemed like an non ending illusion ,once i opened my eyes i realized that all what was before ,was nothing but a wrong conception ,i chose to suffer and let my my soul and all these false ideas to consume on my spirit .
it took me like four years to know where am i heading to ,four years of hurting and blaming myself for things i didnt do
but now i think its the time for me to end it ,and make a decesion ,which is like this :
becaus i i ll find release when Death comes to take me someday […]
I am lost and scared and I’m no where near fixed but I am not dead.
I still think about suicide often and I remained un-medicated until a few moments ago when I popped the first pill to happy (doxepin).
I am getting therapy. Every once in a while it will give me something useful but not often. I don’t think I’ll be sticking with it in the long run. Maybe once every few months.
I may be unable to sleep due to apnea or even my sinus being closed off because of a random act of violence back in 07′. Apparently sleep deprivation is a bad thing…
I […]
I am a 16yr old guy and I feel like I want to die, go crawl into a hole and rot, I have been thinking a lot about this since I was young I have always been a outcast simply because I was different or specifically strange. (I know how this must be starting to sound like a woe is me kind of story but that’s not what I am trying to do.) I cant feel sadness any more and I physically cant cry even at family,that I liked, funerals I feel nothing almost empty. I am rather chubby but not too much, my grades […]
Maybe I’m not meant to find love or know that kind of happiness.
Hey all,
It’s 10 days since I decided to follow a plan in order to give myself a last chance to become a better man and find meaning in life (http://suicideproject.org/2014/01/ive-got-my-plan/). Unfortunately each day is just more difficult.
I’m on the right path with most of my goals, I’m seeing friends (even those I hadn’t seen for years), I’m visiting my family and spending time with them, I’m preparing a trip to a place I wanted to visit, I keep visiting my therapist (didn’t find the guts to tell him about my thoughts). I go out and I wear my mask, people think that I’m ok while […]
sorry if the title misleads but I have come to the realization that where I cut is not helping me anymore.. maybe my body has adapted and realized what im doing.. well I see this vein going along my bicep.. that’s going to be my next area of cutting! its a long vein so I can make a long cut and let just the blood flow
I suffer from low self esteem and confidence, I don’t have anyone to talk to and pretty simply find this is the only way I can cope with my emotions. I don’t have an outlet(other than here) to let go.. I […]
I want to fall asleep and never wake up, I lie awake at night thinking of nailing my door shut and I don’t know why, I aspire to do great things but in the morning, all I can see is the futility of it all…
The blessing of the condition is that you can have the grandest dreams, the curse of it all, is that you will never see your dreams realised because they are too unrealistic…
I’m due to have my lithium levels checked. On the one hand, I hope it comes back as too low so my medication gets pushed up…on the other hand I […]
I have posted this before but I can’t find the post
Guess I am to stupid to find my way around here. How do I find my post again?
Would you tell me about hight again, please!
thank you
I know nobody here reads my stuff but i still write hoping it helps my thought process. I told him everything sat night and of course he didnt take me seriously. I even had the gun cocked and ready and he just ignored me then took the gun when i had laid it down because i was crying. The next day he put it back where i had it like nothing happened. Why doesnt anyone take me seriously? Or am i that much of a failure that i really wont succeed in taking my own life either and its that obvious i suck at everything […]
Like I’m just trying to find activities to fill time until it’s all over.
You might at first have no purpose, drifting and coasting through life without a point, as though by accident. Then you might turn to religion but ultimately find it a hoas and unfulfilling. You might try to be an overachiever but it’s pointless when you realise we all finish last when we die. You might turn to art for expression but find your own attempts a facade. You might try very hard at something and realise it was meaningless, you might give up and feel even worse. You might turn to love someone or something unconditionally only to have it spit in your face in […]
Its really just you alone in this life but of course you  never tell people that and you never tell kids that they’ll find out on their own
It’s 2014 and I can’t say I feel anything “new” about it. These days, which fly by ridiculously fast, a new year really signifies how much I still haven’t done or accomplished. Every year I make it to the next day, I begin to see the clouds in the sky that used to be a bright, beautiful blue during the day. At night, the clouds still appear overhead, instead of the bright, shiny stars I once thought to shoot for over long distances. Over three decades or so on this planet, and I would assume by now I would have more clarity in my perspective of this world, as […]
I suggest that you do this in the middle of the night, leaving a taped envelope on the outside door with a note inside telling the housekeeper not to enter and to call the police. Also, use the ‘alcove’ area to do it, tacking the shower curtain (or other blocking device) to hide your body with a note on the outside of it saying the same as I previously described.
We want to die, but do not want to traumatize others.
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