There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
…when everyone wants a Mountain.
Being a Foggy Mist, when everyone wants a Flood.
Becoming a Flood, when everyone wants Sunshine.
Becoming Sunshine, when everyone wants The Night.
Becoming The Night, when everyone wants The Dream.
Striving to become The Dream, but becoming The Reality.
Realizing The Reality is made of the act of flowing through the stream of striving to appease ever changing requirements…
To become The Mountain no River could ever Be.
Everyone wanted a Mountain to Climb, but all i could ever do was Be Water, and flow down, to ultimately be absorbed into, and washed away by, The River of Deceit… and to eventually be deposited into the Sea, […]
have to get some shots tomorrow. they might see some other scars. if they ask i’ll probably cry… if i do, they’ll think something’s wrong. why is it so difficult to have/show any feelings in this world today? um anyway, even if it goes fine, i’m pretty much done. not angry or tired or anything, just feeling inadequate/invisible… and i don’t want to be here/anywhere anymore. how this will end, i don’t know yet, but i know it will end soon.
i will lay my body down
oh somewhere, beneath the sun
flee the safety of the trees
where i’ve taken, i have not brought
i will bathe my chest […]
i see nothing at all, no happines
When i tried to commit suicide i was serious about it. I locked my door turned my music on loud and ignored the knocks. Well i laid down my tools of trade, a bottle of vodka, to hide my shame, a razor at the wrist nothing would be missed. I.. I took a drink then grabbed my razor as i sat over a towel and just cut my thighs to hell i could barely walk after.. I called […]
“I don’t understand.†said my mom. “Don’t understand what?†i ask. but she brushed me off, she ignored me..it was as if she couldn’t even hear me. “I don’t quite understand why she did it either, but, I am very sorry for your loss Ma’am.†Said a woman in a nurses uniform. Who were they talking about? What loss…? “Sweetie†says my mom to my Step-Dad, “I-I have to go, I can’t look at her like this.†she says with an on-slaught of tears streaming down. Who? “Seriously guys, what happened? Who died?!†I say panicked. Why weren’t they answering me? Why weren’t they looking […]
Took a very unwanted stroll down memory lane, was reminded of all the horrible things that happened in my life that my family blame me for. my parents getting divorced when i was 4 years old… my fault, my dad walking out on me for a woman… also my fault, being constantly reminded that I’m not as good as my siblings and blackening the family name because i’m not perfect… my fault, being called fat and ugly is also my fault because they wouldn’t have to say it if it wasn’t true.
Being reminded of all the years i was bullied in school and all […]
hello world iv see you about now after a life of deth filld torts and me whanting to leve this place i can look you in the eye and say
last look
keeping me sane
last look
dead men stering with cold eyes
my last look
i was being bulled and beten
and now i can say why
now i can say if the sky falls ill be the ferst to here it crack and bend cos i feel like it
hanging by a tred not willing to let go but whanting to
cut to sreds by my own hands and my blood falls in a flood
like you sky im alone with only the sun and the […]
The blade is calling your name.
You leave in a flood of pain.
Your heart falls out of your chest.
and here you are….
facing death.
Your tears they fall with magnitude.
These people don’t know what they did to you.
They killed your inner life and stole,
the only thing that made you whole.
You try to fight this blackened life,
you try so hard just to survive
And it takes all you got
not to grab a knife,
write out a letter,
and say goodbye.
And as I watch through windows,
that most call eyes,
I watch the world crumble,
I watch the worlds demise.
And I’ll […]
I will wait…
I will wait for the day,
And these miles of snow,
Will be melting away.
I sleep under black moon,
And wait for the rain,
Hoping I don’t sink
When this flood breaks again.
Through my windows it’s pouring
And this end seems so slow,
Like a thousand cigarettes
Under melting snow.
These white tears of winter,
Fucking melting away,
But this dead body stays there,
On my sheets,it just lays here…
I’ve put off writing this, because I don’t know what this is. I don’t know what I need to say.. I know that I have many thoughts that aren’t coming out right in my head and I can’t share them outloud because they only nod their heads in response. I knew a guy who committed suicide. I think about him everyday. Wonder if he knew me too. I cry when I think about people growing old. About my family members growing old while I’m away and then when I snap back to reality in 10years… they’ll be dead or no longer who I grew up […]
My chest hurts. Everything from my chest up hurts, stressed. This guy i was dating for three months let me go cuz he disnt think he could try the distance thing anymore. He lives two hrs away and did well at seeing me every 2 weeks on the weekends and now he just couldnt believe in us anymore. Things were so great i was falling for him and he was for me too. I feel like im not worth anything. Im not worth it. Ive had so many relationships that now i feel that no one will love me. I have no one. I moved […]
As the title states, this is my first post. I don’t even know what  to say except that life feels meaningless.
If I wasn’t such a chicken shit I’d probably have offed myself back in college, but I’ve always been too scared to do it.
My depression started like a spiderweb crack– at first, it was isolated, but now it has spread and I feel like I bring misery to everyone who loves me. I lose everyone who gets close to me because they meet me and I seem so great and bubbly and fun to be with, and then they slowly have to watch me sink […]
Why can’t i control the anger? I feel it puts all those i love in danger
Why can’t i control the fear? Can’t let it out when anyone is near
Why can’t i control the hurt? Everything important cast to the dirt
Why can’t i find the hope? Surley all the answers aren’t in rope
I can’t even control the tears, building up a flood all these years
I wish i could control the pain so bad it leaves me hopig to be slain
What do they see in me?
What is it that i can’t see?
I seem to stumble on this website at the oddest hours of night.Â
It’s only 4:43AM, and I can’t sleep. This is a self induced insomnia. For the first time in ages I scored Adderall and I felt like myself this evening. All good things come to an end, I’m facing the enviable come down. Maybe it’s my brain reeling from the dopamine flood it just endured. I’ve just gotten to thinking that being a depressed addict is probably one of the worst illnesses in the world. Use to live, and when the dope runs out, curl up and die.
It makes me nostalgic. I miss when […]
My dad hates me – he abandoned me. He never wanted me. dad left me and mom when I was about 2 years old so I really don’t remember – but I have a feeling he used to be fun – I seem to remember we used to play and laugh a lot. But I don’t really remember because I was so young. Mom says he left us because he hates us.
I did see dad a few times … the last time I was twelve … I’m 17 now. when I would see him He smiled and laughed and his eyes twinkled like they were […]