I’m not what you’d call suicidal. I don’t wish I was dead every day or think that the world would be better off without me. Personally I just need SP because it’s the only place I have found where I can express all my fucked up feelings and emotions free of judgement. If I’m not active on here or I don’t read all your shit and comment on everyone else’s shit I’m sorry, it’s because I come here to let out my own personal demons not to drown myself in everybody else’s.
Yes, thank you if you read my stuff and comment on it, I […]
Tag:
free
So. I posted here earlier and I got one comment that really didn’t help. It’s been a weird day for me and quite frankly I’m done. I decided that this Saturday I will loll myself. I failed out of college. My parents won’t talk to me because I told them I was gay. The only person who brings me happiness is my boyfriend. But he deserves someone much better than me. I gave him a ring already. But he can find someone better. He’s a great guy who can make anyone laugh. I have faith.
I have rope and handcuffs. There is a hook I […]
Yet again I’m stuck in a shit hole.. Another sleepless night.. Trapped in hell.. All I do is try and try to find answers I know will never appear.. I search and search and dig so deep with nothing but more tears to weep… What’s the point in going on when all you feel you had is gone?… You’ve failed at all you attempted, you never finished anything… There is really no way to become more of a fucking disappointment. I’m sorry that I embarrass you.. I’m sorry you’re ashamed when I’m around.. I’m sorry I have never and will never accomplish anything significant.. I’m […]
the only thing preventing me from killing myself right now is the fear of hell. i have untreatable, severe chronic pain and i want to die asap, but this stupid unshakeable fear is holding me back. please help me…how do i get over this fear so i can free myself already? i can’t take it anymore, i feel so trapped…
The deep voice within my mind is stuck on repeat. “Let me out” “get me out of here” as I sit here alone with the thoughts of my head and brain exploding. Leaving me (my mind) to be set free from this head, this body
i wanna die now! i have nobody, no body to listen to me, i dont even know how to talk about my feelings anymore. i dont know why i keep coming to these sites, its all soooo…. artificial. so mechanical, so impersonal, so dehumanizing…. and yet its all i have. unless tonights the night. my moms dying of cancer, she’ll be gone soon, i cant do that to her, not until shes gone…
but once shes passed away ill be free…. free to end my misery, free to leave this place. dont tell me to be strong, i’m stronger than most, my great strength is whats […]
Hi again all. I apologize to those of you whom I did not reply to on my last post. All of your input was extremely helpful and I am so happy ive joined this site.
Anywho, I want to inquire about the following-
Does anyone else want to leave their body? I feel so over whelmed in this body. I want my consciousness/energy to be released. I want to be everywhere or anywhere at any given time, yet I’m stuck in this vessel of a body. I feel as if if I left this body I’d be so much happier and free. I don’t want to have […]
I will never comprehend how most people are able to continue on with their existence without an overwhelming feeling of despair. It truly baffles me how anyone can be happy, yet I so dramatically opposite.
I wish I could free myself of my existence but it’s so hard, it’s not as if I have any attachments to this world. It’s just so hard to stay motivated for anything, hell even my suicidal depression lacks any real conviction to see my dream through.
I hope a plane crashes on top of me, I’ll even settle for a flying cow…
Sorry I know it’s bad but people asked me to post it so….
I have other poems too if you want to hear them. Thanks for helping me so far.
I’m down under ground
nobody can see
they don’t notice
my true identity
I’ve been buried alive
can’t come up from under
I’m seen as lightning
but really I’m thunder
My rage is trapped
down under with me
and under ground
is where it should be
If I come up
I’ll never be the same
when I’m looked at
you’ll only see pain
I like it down here
it’s calm and quiet
above it’s loud
and a disturbing riot
If I let go
and never come back
maybe I’ll find the identity
I still sadly lack
It would put a stop
to […]
…made it to work today. It was hard but I tried to call on god, the universe and all the powers that be to get me here. I made it. Can’t focus but I’m here. trying to focus. Trying to get on the right track but I can’t do anything except think about my inner sadness.
I want to break free (just like Freddy mercury) but it’s hard. I break free a bit and then get some things done but then I’m back inside like a boomerang. Today is particularly bad.
My boo gets home tomorrow. maybe she’ll even want to see me. She makes […]
This isn’t anything special. It’s just a poem I wrote at 5 am. Even though it’s not that great, it describes my inner turmoil.
I want to talk about this pain,
That I’ve felt was always in vain,
Do you really not see,
What’s become of me?
On silent nights,
I always fight,
As tears run down my eyes,
Each teardrop breaking my ties,
My ties with this world,
As I am hurled,
Into this insanity,
Which will never set me free.
My teardrops slowly become red,
Food for the blade that I’ve fed.
They tell me that all will be well,
While I slowly rot away in this hell,
Could they not tell […]
i just want to be free
hi my life sucks. My dad has beaten me since i was 5, nobody understands me, i disqualified from university, in finding no job in this third world country, no goal life. Even my parents just said to me ” kill yourself” this new years
Please tell me a way, so i can be free of this torment called life.
Hi.
It’s been awhile. I see everyone interacting to get through the difficult days. I guess I would like to feel connected as well.
I am sick of my story and it doesn’t really matter. The end result is the pain I feel at this moment.
Too much free time is dangerous for me.
Does anyone else feel like this?
I have prescribed medication I take for depression and anxiety, and one of the side effects of it is becoming dizzy. I don’t overdose to die. I just take extra medication sometimes because it makes me become dizzy and slightly disorientated. I kind’ve love that feeling. And when I spin around in an open space, I feel so light. I feel like I am free. I feel like I can do whatever I want. Like I’ve grown a pair of wings. It’s such an amazing feeling.
Which is why I was wondering if anyone else felt like this? Is it weird […]
I think we all have a common trend of abuse… physical… sexual.. I don’t want to die it would hurt the one person that really cared but was too afraid to let me know. I think we all have that person… My bf died in 2011 as I was a senior. Woke up and he was dead. I’m ok now just feel alone and sometimes think about how lucky he is to be above the clouds.. free.. one day when it’s my turn to go but not yet. He was raped at 6 years old and only told me 4days before he took his last […]
Hi guys. So after living with my grandparents for a month, I thought my mom would finally cool off and be like a normal person you know. I came home on the Christmas Eve. She was fine. We hugged and she was normal and I started acting normal. I thought we were fine. The next day she was still fine. Then the third day she got irritated with everything I do again. The fourth day she didn’t even talk to me that much. Today is the fifth day which is 29 of December. She got angry over a small thing like why I never try […]
the time has arrived. moving stuff out. trying to push through the pain,the anxiety, the fear. she is so strong. so angry with me.deservedly so. she does not recognize how hard i tried. blind to my pain and loss. at least she has somewhere to go, and something to be. she will be safe and able to move foreward from the pathetic excuse of a husband she was with for so long. why is it wrong for me to want to die? what is so important about my existence? i think the normal people need us around to justify their happiness. ” if you dont […]
Honestly I don’t know what to do or how to feel. Life just keeps pushing me and shoving me and once I get knocked down I don’t have the strength to get back up. I hate when people try to help with their fake support. If they cared then why would they be the ones knocking me down? I hate the world. I don’t want to live here anymore. I want to stop feeling trapped, so trapped that I can’t physically breathe. It’s getting so hard to breathe.
I used to consider myself pretty smart and a good student, but nowhere else have I felt as lazy and stupid as when I’m in class. High school was a breeze cause the stuff was easy and we hardly did anything, but this so called “Higher Education” is such a waste. Many professors don’t teach and expect you to do everything they can do. Nice self-esteem killer. And even if you pass it doesn’t prove you have any practical skills.
So, feel free to share your college horror stories.
no one knows what’s in my mind. no one even knows the real version of the story. everyday, I’m still thinking about the night that killed me. i’m dead but still bleeding? isn’t that strange? everyday, i live in the hell of being stuck with that fucked up mind in a world that i don’t even want to live in. i’mstanding close to the edge wishing someone could finally push me. i’m afraid. still, i don’t want help. i just want to be free…