Taken from Robert Crumb’s Plunge Into The Depths […]
Tag:
Fulfillment
Kinda pathetic having this realization from an anime of all things but it actually spoke to me better than most people can. Anyways its this show called Watamote and it just had its final episode. Its about social anxiety ,loneliness, generally just things that I could relate these past few years (frustration from trying to make friends, no love life, no sense of fulfillment) which is the reason I started watching it and basically it ended on the note that after all she did nothing has changed and shes still lonely but the thing is she just laughs it off and says “it doesnt matter […]
I wish I knew what I want exactly. I keep thinking about it. it looks too unreasonable, even in this stupid life, to suffer pointlessly. there must be a reason, I must be wanting something, for no particularly tragic thing ever happened to me in past, except, maybe, bullying..on which i only laugh now. Yet I can never pinpoint exactly what it is. there are many temporary wants, but afterall they are temporary..and even in their moments of fulfillment i feel something inherently missing.
“…anyone who attempts to do both, to adjust to his group and at the same time pursue his individual goal, becomes neurotic.â€
― C.G. Jung
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And thus, i have discovered the most refined and concise words to express the source of my frustration.
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Upon first reading it, i read: “to adjust his group,” instead of “adjust TO his group.” Both are valid, in different ways.
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But what if my individual goal is to achieve the requirement of adjusting my group (or perhaps the entire world), in order to gain access to a particular configuration of circumstances that would be required to enable my actual individual […]
Even though I’ve been on anti depressants for almost a year now, and I have had my dosage upped twice, the depression persists. It figures because it’s chronic. But where I used to feel that at least something better was around the bend, now I feel like each passing year worsens me as both a person and a functional human being.
I can’t bring myself to meet goals or requirements. I’m always tired and I rarely feel good. I’m lonely, but I can’t make strong connections with anyone. I try to reach out but it’s never the kind of fulfillment I need socially. I haven’t had […]
I just read a post here by the user JerzyBoy. It broke my heart to read that such a beautiful soul hurts so much. Dear JerzyBoy, I love you too. I must not know what it feels like to be at the end of the rope if God doesn’t even seem to help. I can’t possibly imagine your pain and your broken spirit and mind. I hope you continue to live and something miraculous happens to make your life worth while for you. To imagine you dying is breaking my mind, to be honest. To imagine you taking your own life churns my stomach and I […]
An apex of happiness exists, but that point is far beyond my grasp. Every little hunk of happiness I have ever experienced has either been broken down or snatched away from me. I can’t keep it together, its just not within my ability. This world you have constructed wasn’t meant for people like me. I fall into a niche and all that happens to us is misery. We are the people who’s company you enjoy, but also the people you take advantage of, and the very same people you scoff at simultaneously. My relationships fall apart and I finally understand why: I don’t deserve any […]
my life… i pushed for what i wanted. i always got close. sooo close yet every time, it fell. my soul,  for anything and everything is gone. i really just want nothing. existence as a whole i just don’t want.  growing up with an abusive family. pushing away from them. finding home in a best friends family. loving it more than your own. growing and pushing yourself to get what you want. only not to get it. learning not to care so much about it.  always with the thought of finding someone for you on the way, someone to love. of course being in many relationships. to give up […]
I’ve put a lot of effort into doing right by the people I’m close to. I have been far from perfect in those efforts. Mostly I’ve failed entirely. I guess the thing is, though, that I’ve tried to mend every mistake I’ve made. I’ve apologized, acknowledged my screw-ups and done my best to avoid future incidents.
In times when I haven’t been the one to screw up, I’ve been too forgiving of people. People who have decided that I am the kind of person who can toyed with, walked all over, and left to wait endlessly for fulfillment. People always let you down. That’s what I’ve […]
… no one gives a damn, nor should they. No person, ever, should be made to feel as if they should care for the life, happiness or fulfillment of another.
Think of the large march of humanity before you – of the never ending crowds that follow – I am but a single face in a sea. Each of us are focused on his or her own issues; our own petty concerns, frustrations, self-indulgent narcissistic pleas for attention. Let us all sleep at our own leisure. I too am done; and it’s my right to be.
Once conceived in its fullness, the idiocy of the human race […]