Maybe it doesn’t matter (in a good way)

Kinda pathetic having this realization from an anime of all things but it actually spoke to me better than most people can. Anyways its this show called Watamote and it just had its final episode. Its about social anxiety ,loneliness, generally just things that I could relate these past few years (frustration from trying to make friends, no love life, no sense of fulfillment) which is the reason I started watching it and basically it ended on the note that after all she did nothing has changed and shes still lonely but the thing is she just laughs it off and says “it doesnt matter anyway” and accepting it. So I thought maybe I really should just do the same and just accept my self and how the things are in my life and just try to be happy in my way (mostly through my hobbies I suppose) its not like I care about others anymore anyways so why should I even waste a thought on them? I have been trying all this time trying to catch a break and find the happiness that I have envisioned for my self but clearly that isn’t happening anytime soon(or ever) so maybe I should just stick to the small stuff I like to do? those things don’t last yes but at least they helps me get my mind off all this friggin bullshit in my life(for example feeling useless and pathetic again because I was just told a while ago I wont be graduating this year EITHER making it my 7th year in my 4 YEAR course in college ) I’d rather live my life in ignorant bliss than have all these ideas of how I “should” live my life haunt me and If I die  still a pathetic loser, who gives a fuck? certainly not other people who don’t even acknowledge me. They don’t matter to me. hell the only thing that I do care about are my parents(they’re good people, still supportive even if i’m the way I am and I HATE being a burden to them and I want to AT LEAST pay them back for all they do for me someday) and if I’m just waiting for my life to end might as well enjoy the things that are actually good on this planet like food,shows,art and gaming(we aren’t rich or anything but at least I was born in a family that can provide me with such things that’s at least one thing i’m grateful for as well, taking to account that I live in a 3rd world country)