My boyfriend broke up with me, he was cheating on me but maybe if I was a better girlfreind he wouldn’t have had too. I love him and I know it’s my fault. I’m one of those people who have to try harder then everyone else. When I study for school it takes me 8 hours to remember something that other people remember in only 2 hours. I always ruin everything I try to do including my relationships. I’m surrounded by people who have done amazing things already or have skills. I am 20 years old, havn’t joined any sports, I have no skills, I’m […]
Tag:
future
Forgive me for not seeing your view of the abnormal fantasy.
Surrounded by walking feelings, of carefree and feel good sentiments.
Unaware of reality, not knowing how to live in the “now”.
Those tormenting thoughts, echoing the same questions to you, “why..”, and “how?”
Oh forgive me for what I have done…
forgive me for carelessly hurting you..
forgive me, for forcing a new life onto you..
for wanting to prepare you for the true pains of life..
I wanted to release your beauty, in it’s true form, but failed to realize on time, that it just can’t be.
Never again, will those pains bother you.
Never again will the dreams of pure hearts be […]
General curiosity, and my apologies if this has been brought up before, I’m new here. Don’t quite know my way around yet, so forgive me. I’ve always wondered what is after this? Years of self abuse written like poetry in scars over my body. Years of self-hatred for everyone to see and stare at. One stint in the psych ward, and multiple suicide attempts thwarted and my mom or myself saying “oh no, I didn’t want to die, I was just overwhelmed” in order to save me from more stints in the psych ward. I never wanted help, I never cried out for help, I […]
How on earth could I be fair that a 17 year old girl who is doing her trial HSC exams get pregnant, that’s not the unfair part, the unfair part is that she was so happy she realised that this child would be her reason to live, this child could save her, she was so happy, she was so ready, she knew she would probably be a single mother, but that was ok, she had support, she wanted to keep it, but no, she miscarried, she was so distraught that her depression became worse than ever, she began a month long bender, during which she […]
the line it gets better is  actually true. but its only better for so long before the pain and sorrow starts again. that’s it. that’s  life. a never ending rain. It always gets better, but when it is, it just goes down again. i see no point in living a life will i will never be happy. struggling with this pain everyday is not what i want.  I fear life more than death and that’s not okay. between anxiety attacks, at every second, and my wrist screaming at me.  i’d much rather be gone. no feelings.  no pain.  Noone can tell me that its “gonna […]
I see absolutely no point of being around.I just keep forgetting that and end up backing out of suicide before its to late.I cant keep doing that.Im not meant to be was never meant to be.My oldest sister will be leaving soon off to college i will never hear or see her again.I cant deal with that.
If i continue to live i will be homeless or institutionalized.My best friend says shell take care of me but she cant take care of herself let alone can i.I dont know how to survive this world.I cant survive this world.Ive thought of seeing if i can hang […]
Tonight I have a goal. I want to smile. I want to smile, have fun, and let everything irrelevant go. I challenge you to try the same. I challenge you to call a friend and talk, make plans, or just catch up. If you want, I will be that friend. Tonight I will leave the house with a smile on my face and stress free. Please try and do the same, I want you all to realize you’re beautiful enough to be smiling and worries will disappear. 😀
Its been a moment and since i didnt go to group tonight i figured i would talk here.A couple weeks ago i learned i would be getting a new therapist.I learned i would no longer be with the program ive been with.Now id been depressed before this over my lack of future and because ive been in pain and the doctors cant figure whats wrong with me.Well they kind of think they have but my pain continues.And it bugs.
I bought a bunch of sleeping pills to end my life the day after Christmas.The problem is i dont feel like doing it much anymore. Things […]
its been a moment since the mental hospital and every time i go in there i forget what the goal is.I think about getting better and having friends and movies and fun stuff.I don’t think of the longer i wait the more i put a chance of everything around me of losing it.I think it must be scary to die and not lying it is ive been close to death before and that’s scary as hell. But when my mom and dad are gone im screwed im not going to know how to survive on my own.Which is why this suicide thing has to keep […]
The world is quite a peculiar place that I have yet to become accustomed to. Sometimes just the sheer aspect of living overwhelms me. Does that in itself make any sense at all? I very much doubt so, but it pervades me nonetheless.
Even now, looking outside my window; at the beautiful tranquility of the night, the pure brilliance and wonder that the night evokes. Looking off into the glittering scenery before me I can only wonder about life. The significance of everything, The sheer luck and probability that life has unfolded and used to mould and influence the present. The magnificence of it, the questions […]
At this stage in our lives we seem to be living in two different, yet unreachable universes: the past and the future. When we’re together, we often reminisce about old times, back when we were young and innocent and nothing bad happened that couldn’t be fixed. When we’re not reflecting on our shared history, we’re looking ahead to our futures; future plans and future goals and wishes and dreams. And to an extent, looking back and looking forward are both wonderful things to do; often they’re reminders that happy times did happen and better things may lie ahead…
But  we only exist in those two states: […]
My family tree aint that good, Dad is an ass hole, always sayin I cant do nothing , mom hates that im not girly they both hate the fact im lesbian I want my future family tree to be better than what I have I want my girlfriend tgat ihave now for 2years to be my wife, have a beautiful home 2kids and a puppy.. NO yelling, NO abuse, NO put downs just being a happy family :’) :/
It’s petrifying how little from the world truly exists: only the now.
Such a narrow flickering glimpse.
The past is memory. The future is simulation. And they are both occurring in the now, the recalling of the memory, the playing of the simulation. Aren’t they?
But the mind refuses to admit it. The mind finds this microscopic now terribly boring. How can you compare this skimpy moment to the vastness of the past and the future? it asks.
You’re right that life isn’t fair. Because people are self-absorbed, yes. Because people are selfish, yes. We’re born into a world that we know, as soon as we become enough aware we know, we have to leave sooner or later.
And we spend that time trying to fill it with as many positive experiences as possible. That’s all we really want, isn’t it? Our day in the sun?
Well, we didn’t make the sun. I’m not religious, but I’m sure as hell we didn’t make the sun. Or the ocean. Or the mountains. Or the sky. You’re right; you didn’t choose to come into the world. You […]
I feel like a fail at everything. Like I’m never good enough. I try and try, but it just never works out for me. I just can’t take living anymore. I have no future. So it’s not worth living anymore. I feel so alone. I’ve cried so much I have no more tears left in me to cry.
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