“It Gets Better”

the line it gets better is  actually true. but its only better for so long before the pain and sorrow starts again. that’s it. that’s  life. a never ending rain. It always gets better, but when it is, it just goes down again. i see no point in living a life will i will never be happy. struggling with this pain everyday is not what i want.  I fear life more than death and that’s not okay. between anxiety attacks, at every second, and my wrist screaming at me.  i’d much rather be gone. no feelings.  no pain.  Noone can tell me that its “gonna get better” i know it is. but there is still no help for me. I will always be a rotting pit of sorry are remorse.  No amount of  “help” or treatment can save me. believe that I’ve tried.  So I think when i finally leave my mom, and family and get my own place i can end it in peace.  I could not stand to have someone of my family find me no longer breathing. I couldn’t put that burden on them. That isn’t for a few years from now, so unless something  kills me before than, i’m stuck waiting.  It’ll get better eventually  and than go back down. Finally that day will come,  and i will be eternally happy.