i never thought the day would come that oomf wouldn’t love me anymore. It’s hard every night knowing that yeah yall go together , but they still do everything that makes you mad. They don’t care anymore to see what’s wrong with you, even if you do tell them they’re not gonna listen. Suicide is the best way to stop the pain, right?
Dear ole friend:
We were bullied together. This bonded us.
We fought with each other. This strengthened us.
We teased each other. This helped us.
Your mom killed herself. This broke us.
You won’t talk to me. This hurts me.
I wish I was your mom. Then you wouldn’t die.
But I know. You’re just like your mom. I just hope I can wait until after you die so you don’t lose two people in the same year.
I used to hate you for trying to be my friend. But you finally made it.
I’m gonna miss you. Bye…
~Me
Here lately it seems like everything is going wrong. I’m having to fork out hundreds of dollars I don’t have on shit that shouldn’t be breaking. Appliances, computers, car, etc. everybody keeps fucking telling me “God only gives you what you can handle.” Well ya know what? Fuck that shit. I can’t handle being so damn broke I’m now thousands in debt. I can’t handle wondering if I’m gonna have enough left after fucking bills to feed my child. I can’t fucking handle people telling me this shit. I can’t fucking handle people telling me to be grateful. Fuck. I am grateful for the things […]
As a child I was weird. I grew up thinking that the world was as nice as the sunny Sundays I spent in my mother’s arms when I was a kid. When I got into socializing, at the age of 5 or 6, I started
I’m not much of a sharer and I’ll probably never share with someone one on one but I feel death haunts me now daily and no one sees how depressed and suicidal I’m getting because I have a way of putting on a mask at the time and look the happiest and I held on to chancr of relationships and love but the girls I’ve loved, liked or simply pursued have the same conclusion harsh rejection. Jay just made me feel like shit and now the voices say I should jump the bridge or let my veins bleed out or buy a nine and go […]
I had an horrible night tonight… Among other things, I dreamed i was locked in psych ward, trying to escape… And finally a friend helped me to commit suicide… Weird, but it’s not the first time dreams like that have happened.
Throughout this dream i knew i was dreaming…In some may, i could decide what i wanted to do or not, as in real life…It’s what i call “lucid dreams”. But everytime i had these lucid dreams, then I’m suffering from false awakening. I felt trapped in the dream… With no way of escape from it and wake up.
Everytime I try to wake up, i […]
Well, i’ve been on a diet and daily exercise since more than 4 months. Didn’t work.
I’
m gonna start college soon and i’m tired. I struggle with this since I can remember. I just want to know how it feels to be fit, confident and such…
I hate my body image and wake up every day just to see it and feel it again and being watched by others too.
I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Also maybe my ex bf and I will meet again this year and I just wanted to give him a surprise.
Damn it.
It seems to me that more individuals should take part in the smoking of weed, chill the fuck out and try not to take this life too seriously!!! We are all gonna die sometime, like it or not!!!
Am I the only that get trapped by hope, thinking that, soon, all’s gonna be ok and then realize that it’s not, that it’s just gonna be worse? I wish I had the balls to end my life and leave far away from this hell. But I’m staying, I’m thinking that it’s worth waiting and then, I’m suffering more, I take a razor and put it in my flesh. As I watch the blood out of my skin with colds eyes, I’m wondering when do will I commit suicide. Right now, I want it but I can’t. Hope is what making me stay but it’s […]
I think I’m going down a dark path again…………..Just when things seemed like they were gonna get better…..F***!!!…..this always happens. One problem ends and then another arises, one problem ends and then another arises!. It’s an endless cycle. I wish I could know that things were gonna get better but I just can’t see it. All I see are the 4 walls and the ceiling of my apartment everyday; nothing else besides that and school; which is barely any different. I just want something to change. The only time that I really get to truly enjoy myself is when I’m at lunch with these five other […]
I went on a trip last week. It was really fun-the sites, the trains, the plane, the hikes and so much more were all unique experiences. I guess it was a taste of freedom. Yet as always, when I returned, my life was still here. I got my exam results which were published during the trip. All the hard work, all the pain, all the anguish.. Meant nothing. I am nothing. I thought that really focusing and working hard would help me… But it didn’t work!!
It let me taste heaven if just for an instant before plunging me back to hell. This […]
God reached his hands down from the sky
God asked Noah if he wanted to die
He said “No Sir! Oh no Sir!”
God said, “Well then, here’s your future; it gonna rain”
then He flooded the land and He set it on fire
He said “fear me you fool, and know I’m your father,
remember that no one can breath underwater”
then God told his son it’s time for a boat,
He promised Noah would’nt die all alone,
“I need you to pay for the sins I create”
his son said “i will, but dad i’m afraid!”
“Well, here’s your future”
Meh. Not sure what I should think about it. I mean I enjoyed it, we got to know each other better and I think she had fun too. Even though there were a couple of moments where neither of us said anything and it was kinda awkward, but not as bad as the usual awkward silence I get when I’m nervous. Speaking of, I’m glad I wasn’t actually as nervous as I thought I would be. But I’m not at the point yet where I’d say the “ice is broken”. Usually when I get to know someone new I can tell pretty well when that […]
,
In too deep, I wish I could sing of the goodies
Humble like the Leo, I’m just trying to, chill
I wish I was
I’m afraid for the message in the bottle, back
Is my yahoo-account, hacked
Serpent of light, sing to me
Are we comrades, hit-me-back-up on the FB or digit
The order, the golden, we gonna’ go, we have to
Build our home on the land, living like the equilibrium of
The talisman, but what is lost
I just want to be by the fire, by the sun, eat my carrots
Heal, because of what I am
In all seriousness, and pleasantry, like […]
So this week I went jogging with that girl again and she talked about her studies and that she’s taking a programming course as well. I said if she needed any help she could tell me even though I didn’t think she’d actually take my offer. Today she asked if we could meet up for an hour so I could explain some stuff to her, and in return she said she’d invite me to have lunch with her at some restaurant downtown. We’re gonna meet tomorrow to talk about the programming stuff, and I’m not sure whether she’ll want to go have lunch right after […]
He’s the only guy to never do me wrong, I should have never left him. If I never left him in the first place, I wouldn’t be cursed with this issue. There’s no hope in love for me anymore, I’m gonna die alone, just like I came.
Keepin’ my eyes on the road this time around
Keepin’ my hands pressed to the wheel
Something so strange as a woman has got me down
Ain’t gonna be your damn fool again
Drivin’ tonight just to ease my mind
A man in his mood is a most dangerous kind
And there was a time my head went blind
Couldn’t see the sign at the time years would go by
Before I wondered who or where or what or why
Lovin’ you was like lovin’ a house on fire
Burning and learning baby when the damage was done
And now I’m tired and I’m […]
I don’t have anymore tunes, as well
So I guess, I’m gonna’ hope to, be able
My name, is Bisban, and I guess
There’s only me that knows, who I am
From the eternal-table, why does he want to smile for
He only looks for a light and he’s everybody’s friend
But the paradigm, and a paradigm
I don’t know, I guess I’ll take this chance to be more precise
I am not here to take your hand, like that, only because of the way that I am
I fell like an ocean, and I seek the heart of all, now
I only want to walk, I only want to walk
This is just what i think in my head… I just wrote what i was thinking at that moment but please help me.. -brian m. R.
Well… Im back i guess thats a bad thing…how can i get this suicidle feelings off my chest?!? How can i be straight ?! ???????? i know thats never gonna happen .. So why do I still wish it?!?! Being bisexual is a curse…..why did i have to fall in “love” with my best friend since 3ed grade?!? Fuck i cant…. Should i just forget about him ?!? Should i kill my self?!? Should i run away again?!? Should i […]