Meh. Not sure what I should think about it. I mean I enjoyed it, we got to know each other better and I think she had fun too. Even though there were a couple of moments where neither of us said anything and it was kinda awkward, but not as bad as the usual awkward silence I get when I’m nervous. Speaking of, I’m glad I wasn’t actually as nervous as I thought I would be. But I’m not at the point yet where I’d say the “ice is broken”. Usually when I get to know someone new I can tell pretty well when that moment is: I start talking without thinking beforehand about what I’m gonna say. That’s not the case with her yet. At the end I offered to split the bill, but she insisted on paying because I took the time to help her with programming. She also said she’d appreciate if I could help her out again if I had the time cause apparently she has an exam coming up. Gonna see her tomorrow, not sure if I should take the turn and ask her out. I don’t even know where I’d take her. Cinema is fun, but how does that break the ice.
Also, I didn’t feel anything. I don’t even know if you’re supposed to on a first date. I mean I want to, she is a really nice girl. But I can’t be with someone who doesn’t know what it’s like to be depressed and lost and just want everything to stop because it hurts your head so much. Once you make that experience you and your expectations change. I don’t even know what she’s looking for, I wish it’s the same as me: Closeness, affection, feeling loved. But it seems like she doesn’t want to open up to me, like she doesn’t trust me. She talks about stuff like her studies or vacation or whatever, but nothing personal, nothing relevant. I know there must be something because she took part in the jogging group for depression. I asked her a few months ago if she wanted to talk about it, but she said no, in a friendly way though; I could tell her everything about my emotional state but she didn’t want to. I try letting her know things about me that actually matter, but I don’t know how she feels about it or if she even notices.
And btw if you think a first date with 22 years is pathetic, I totally agree with you. For anyone who helped me out in my last post about this, I really appreciate it. It’s part of the reason why I felt rather comfortable and somewhat confident.
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Maybe she is like you and doesn’t know how you’d react. Maybe she takes a while to open up because doing so leaves a person vulnerable. I don’t know. I guess try again and see where it goes.
At 22 you are still young so you have time to figure out someone to be with. Try being 33 and only having gone out with 2 people. The first person I ended up getting married to and though that lasted a long time, it gradually deteriorated and fell apart and we were never really right for each other. I figured she was the only person who would ever be interested in me though. The second was a complete disaster of a date and if that’s a sign how things will be, I may as well die now.
Whew, that’s a long post to read on a phone.
Let’s see if I can pinpoint something I might be able to help with.
If you think 22 is pathetic, what do you think of my fiance who didn’t get his first girlfriend until he was 32? Hey, everyone finds someone at some point. Basically my point here is don’t let age be your main concern in a date. If it bugs you so much, pretend tobe in high school, and go for the movies. There’s nothing wrong using movies as a way to feel things out, and after movie, find a local coffee shop or quick food pick up to take the opportunity to talk about the movie.
You said she is avoiding depression talk, don’t take this harshly, that’s actually a good thing for both of you, like I said avoid negative subjects, depression is one of them.
She might just be on a friend level right now, maybe her depression deals with dating guts on the past. Try to just stick to the friend status for a few months, if after then, your interested in dating, explain you wanted to see how things were between you and would like to go on a date, but only if she’s comfortable with it, offer her to set up a time and place, but you plan the rest. Let’s say, she says the park, look around for upcoming events at parka or amusement parks, hey it counts. 😛 you know, simple things like that, there is never any reason to rush into any relationship.
As for not feeling anything, there is a good chance your depression is making you numb to other feelings, that doesn’t mean it is, just that it might be, so don’t quote me on that if you do feel something for someone else. But it might still be a good idea to try for friendship for a little while, (like three months?) And see where your feelings are then. If a person gains feelings and waits a year or so, the other may have givin up on you and won’t except dating after that point. This is probably one of the few sensitive time moments in the dating process. Also, it healthy to date a few montha beforw declaring relationship, and healthy to be in relationships for two years before marriage. At least that’s what studies say. Some take a little longer, otheres marry withing 3months and live happily ever after, it’s just a matter of finding what feels comfortable between both parties, so the only view point I can safely give is try to wait it for a minimum time of three months of friendship and see where it goes.
Hm, I usually fall in love with a girl if she just smiles at me… I’m surprised it hasn’t happened with her yet. Might be a good sign, or not. I’m seeing her once a week to go jogging with her. She actually asked if we could do that for some time, not sure if I should still ask her out for something else. In a few months when summer starts she’ll be playing in a hobby beach volleyball team and offered me to play with her team, which is really nice imo but still a long time to go.
Wow, didn’t see this response, sorry about that. Had to go back three pages.
Personally, timing seems to be one of the major factors, it’s solely based on what you’re comfortable with. If you’re not comfortable to ask yet, don’t, if you are comfortable to ask yet, just ask. But also remember that she is also in need of her own comfort and timing. If she turns you down, just give her the space she asks for, it doesn’t mean she isn’t interested, it might just mean she needs a friend first and adjust to another level. If she says she’s not interested in dating you, that’s when you stop persueing dates with her. But keeping it steady with a friendship might flourish to something grand. You never know until it happens.
So many assume that love at first sight is just that, I’m sure you see otherwise, but people wonder why this statement is more true. I think people take to literal ,since some forget the statement, love is blind. The way I see it, your blind until you first see what love really feels, and that love is blind to all flaws, and it’s the love you are feeling at first sight of realization… i have no idea if that made sense coming out, it made more sense in my head I’m sure, but it can’t hurt to try.
I read a statistic once that claimed the average woman kisses 50 different men before she gets married. I don’t know how true that is, but my point is this: You’re going to audition for a lot of women before you find one where there’s mutual chemistry. They’re looking and you’re looking. It’s like finding a job, it’s got to be the right fit for both the employer and the employee.
That’s how I think of relationships, anyway. If things don’t work out for you and this one, at least you’re both putting in the effort and trying. I’d say that’s better than doing nothing. The more you date, the more confident you’ll get, and your chances of finding a compatible mate will increase every time you go out and “interview” (and get interviewed by) a prospective love interest. It’s a numbers game.
Good luck, glad things went well on your last outing.
I echo the echo of Morris’ echo. I used to take it personally if I couldn’t entertain or stir some sort of chemistry with every. single. woman. It got exhausting. The more you relax and know that some women just don’t have a sense of humor or how to have a good time — easier it’ll be for you. For every female that doesn’t know how to crack a joke or keep one going — you’ll find one that does. One will just click though and the universe shall make sense. Best of luck Don Juan.
Yeah I get what you’re saying, but if I only get a girl to date me every 5 years I won’t have a great chance of actually finding the right one. I mean even now it was her who offered to meet for lunch, not me. Also I wouldn’t want to get to know 2 girls at the same time, not sure if that’d be considered cheating but I just don’t think it’s appropriate.
I think you just got to put yourself out there then. I’m sure if you just made people aware of your presence it would definitely help with the date numbers. Exposure is everything. Also I agree, dating multiple women at the same time wouldn’t be the most tactful decision — I think it’s just knowing that if this doesn’t work out with this girl there will be plenty more dates if you utilize todays technology. ie dating sites and different hobby groups and what not.
Yeah that’s the problem. I barely get to know any girls at all, the only girls I usually talk to are my sisters. Actually I don’t have many real life friends either, and not a single female friend which makes this whole thing kinda pointless. You know I really tried doing more stuff around people to try to get some friends, but the more i do that the more I realize I don’t want to have anything to do with most of them which makes it even more difficult. It’s hard enough for me to go to some social event and talk to people I don’t know. Then there’s only maybe 5% with who I could be friends and only half of those are female, and most of them either have a boyfriend or don’t wanna hang out with me. Which means if I go to such social events I will naturally have the expectation not to succeed, and that makes it even more difficult. It’s way easier to just lay in bed and imagine life ending tomorrow; that’s actually really comforting.
I remember when I was a teenager, 18, I was dating this chick, also 18 at the time. She was living with her mom and her mom insisted she go to Church every sunday, so I went with her one day. We wound up making out behind the church and her aunt caught us. Well, one thing led to another, and the next thing I knew, her grandma was chasing me down a hill with a can of mace. I’m lucky there was so much kudzu to hide in. That ***** was psycho. I guess what I’m trying to say is, be careful because she might have crazy relatives. Not sure how that’s relevant, but there it is.
If you reach the priest before she does you just confess your sin and that psycho won’t lay a hand on you.
I out pathetic you, 27 and never been on a date. Had two girlfriends in high school though.
Pff is this a challenge?
I once was floating on a lake with the nicest girl I know and was thinking how I’d tell her, she even asked what I wanted to say and I just said “nothing”. You can’t top that 😛
Wow, good for you!
You age is irrelevant, at least you have something nice going on.