Ever since I was a little kid maybe just 5 years old I was always extremely depressed. When all other kids were thinking about growing up, getting a job married etc. the only thing I would think about all day every day is “I can’t wait till I die” I always would tell myself that I won’t live to 18 then I said I won’t live to 21. As a kid my dad was very abusive towards me my mom and my siblings. I have a neurological disorder that makes me grown little bumps on my body. It causes me to walk slightly slanted forward […]
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gonna
Hi,
I haven’t posted in a long time. Although I have felt suicidal the hole time I have been waiting for “the right time” . I chose June 11th the day before my Birthday. the only problem w/ that is I really want to do It this weekend. I Â am not getting any better. I’ve been doing everything I’m supposed to do. But I feel like I don’t belong. My own brother is trying to bring me down and making me feel like i’m not doing the right thing, even tho I have been sober for 8 months and following the program of the group home […]
Recruit.
The first album. The man to his death.
Abyssal, abyssal. I am the only one counting the number.
There is no number, here in this singularity.
Today, burnt away again. Army of Seraphim. I need to die. Take me.
The new age begins with the walking, death, and the white horse.
The ancient text, the journey to the holy pilgrimage. Death…. is a number.
I am an obliterated splattered rot. Transmogrification of hell.
Build me an iron mask. The warrior, to the fight of the story of the living hell.
We gonna be heading, to the Squatch. Did you hear about the Star-Child skull yet?
well my name is tony im 19 ive been down and depressed over the past few months or so I just don’t think there is nothing much more I can do on this world..everything I do or touch turns to shit…in my mind im a worthless piece of shit of a human being im done feeling like this so what im thinking bout doing is taking my own life and im gonna join the many people in the AFTERLIFE….
i know u r on here Sarah. but if i think i”m gonna post anoither story bout how i want to kill myself it’s not gonna happen
Don’t have a headache but took two headache pills that contained aspirin in the hopes of maybe thinning my blood some before I cut. I didn’t last night, but I’m going to do some experimenting tonight.
Doubt it’s gonna work and I’m gonna get globs of coagulated blood on my arm again.
Ah well. I’ll just take some more next time. Then more. And more. Then sit in a nice hot tub. And sleep.
You know what’s funny is my friend texted me today saying her boyfriend is having suicidal thoughts and I’m over here trying to give advice like a damn hypocrite. I told her a […]
well, this sucks. I can’t go to anyone. And I’ve been clean for so many months now and I really don’t want to go back. Someone saw me writing on here and I don’t know. Just don’t feel safe again. I feel like I’m gonna do something to myself if I’m ever alone
how good moments before sleep feels. i feel like finally its ending, finally i’m going to be unconscious. i feel like tomorrow is gonna be totally different; i’m gonna be totally different. actually i feel glad that tomorrow is not gonna be ‘me’, it will be somebody else who will wake up and face all the struggles. me is ending today. its almost like suicide, only there is no fear or selfishness attached because of trust. and yet its me who wakes up again, with all the same sameness. do i anymore belong here? is this a new escape trick my mind is playing?
all that they want from me is to play my part in social gatherings. they don’t want to be embarrassed because of their son. how do they see me? just another dot in this social web. i have all kind of social strings attached to me. i’m a position holder: a son, a brother, the heir of this fucking heritage. and they don’t give me required powers either. they think of me as some lowly being. fuck i hate them so much. just let my sister’s marriage complete and i’m gonna show ’em who i am. just just let me get the opportunity.
why do […]
I know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnels’ collapsed, and I don’t have the strength to dig my way through it. tell me it’ll stop hurting one day. tell me there’s even a reason to try. tell me i just need to think more positive when the only way out of this is a sheer cliff coated in barbed wire. and before you try to tell me that it’s not that bad, *yes, it fucking is*. I’m not an idiot. This feeling isn’t new. I have looked at all the options and all the paths ahead of me and […]
Yep, subject says it all.
I can’tseem to do anything right. From making friends, to caring about my family, yep, I fail.
I got in a fight with my younger brother, and well, I’m not too violent, but I hit the punk. If I can hit a sibling of mine, how will I treat my future wife or kids? I’d rather not think about that. When I make friends, they always seemed to be troubled, and in the end, bring me down. I feel so awfull, because I can’t even save them. If it is not possible for me to save anyone in life, why […]
I’m slipping off the edge again, I feel like every where i turn it’s gonna be another round of how to tear down the weird girl. It’s like they only come after me and I don’t know why. I don’t understand why it is such a bad thing to be different from the others. Why should it matter that I like a lot of eyeliner, or that the bottom half of my hair is a different color every two weeks. why should it matter to anyone? It’s not like my actions have a direct cause on your life. It’s not like I plan my life […]
I am here,because of one reason this is true “Love” I am strong I know this because I am also weak. Ive been through most of it,and seen alot heard most of it..I am 19 i’ve lived this life and keep living even though i’ve had my darkness and even when the light is in,theres always gonna be dark because ive learned “The sun cant stay out forever,but the darkness leaves always,and cant stay forever either” this is my story and yes it is true.
I found love at 16 a point in my life when I thought I was gonna give up and give in […]
I always say things I shouldnt and I always mess things up so im just gonna stop talking to people then I cant mess anything up because there is nothing to mess up and ill be alone anyway so no one to hurt when I die
When I’m gone from Pitch Perfect“When I’m gone, when I’m gone. Your gonna miss me when I’m gone”
Or at least I hope you will. I hope that once I’m gone you see the good thing we shared.
I thought you would be the one who actually cared
But I guess not
There is a feeling in my chest of emptiness
Did you cause it? No..no you did not.
It is all my fault..Everything is my fault
I am always to blame..I am sorry
I am sorry I cry, I’m sorry I cut
I’m sorry I even lie..yet I have to
I have to hide how […]
Hi,
I’m thinking ’bout it again, it’s like a dream ’bout dying. You know just to forget everything, the stress is just to much.
I’m sure I will cut again, but still gonna go to school tomorrow.
When I tell someone what is happening to me, they just have those eyes that are cold and painful to watch.
I hate to open up to people.
I so wanna end all of it.
But there is the guilt, what are my family and close friends gonna think and fell?
I just want my blood to flow out of my body, drop after drop.
And maybe the gushing out part is gonna be the best!
I […]
I’m 19 years of age and in need of  a way out of this world. I just can’t deal with the stress and hurt any longer. Sure it goes away for a few days maybe even weeks but this horrible feeling come back with vengeance all the time. Even more powerful and even longer than before. It’s always on and off and all I wanna do when I feel that way is sleep because I can escape. I’m failing college and loosin all my friends one by one. I am truly alone. My parents would flip if they knew I was failing, and more than likely […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Evanescence_-_Sweet_Sacrifice.mp3
I’m am beginning to feel better now that I am here. I feel like I have made some friends even tho I know the connections may or may not be real. I hope to heal one day. I remember when I used to pray. I used to pray everyday but now I can’t seem to do nothing ubt think about praying. I remember the times when I was publicly humiliated in church. I had always wanted to go now I see why so many people didn’t/don’t go. I know its always gonna be why me. I know I am always gonna feel why me.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Let-Her-Go-Jasmine-Thompson-Music-Download-Paradise-Pro.mp3
I ain’t gonna make I have no friends
I am becoming my own worst enemy once again
Why doesn’t anybody care?
Why won’t nobody help me?
All of this for a stupid prophecy!?
All of my life I have pretended not to know
Everything good thing I had have now become owed
I’m trying to cry, trapped with pain
My god is the only reason I am still the same
I’m sick, no help no doctor a queue
I’m lonely, no friends, no one real in my life to talk too
The things they have done and what I have had to do […]
I feel hopeless. I’m failing school, all my friends have turned on me and call me a liar. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. I do nothing but cry all the time. I thought I was getting better but it came back. It always comes back; this hell. It gets in your head and makes you unable to cope. I started to self mutilate again, something I promised myself I would never do again. I was clean for months, since October. I know it’s getting really bad because I’m contemplating suicide again. I have it planned out, exactly what I would do and that scares […]