I don’t know how I ended up here. I had so much “potential.” I was smart, funny and somewhat attractive. Atleast on the outside. I suffer alone, in silence. I go through my day taking care of everyone and everything else while inside the pain is unbearable. On the outside people would say what do I have to complain about? They don’t understand. They see what I allow them to see. I try to compensate for my emotional pain with outward success. The more I hurt the more I try to accomplish. I feel so lost. I have always been expendable to the people that […]
Tag:
great
So for starters, I’ve tried to commit suicide maybe half a dozen times. Through pills, a few vain attempts at cutting my wrists, which have left my arms embarrassing and cumbersome for finding work. I have been a cutter since I was 15, but those scars are hidden.
I used drugs for many years, meth, x, and shot coke for awhile. Well, I did it, I quit drugs. At 22, but than I started drinking. Real fun drinking, but managed to keep a job. When I didnt have a job, I drank all day and all night.
So I meet a man. Also an alcoholic. We moved […]
I mean, like really, this is a joke.
I am 16. 16 damn it. I used to dream of how awesome my life would be at 16. This is just ridiculous .
I find no pleasure at anything. My friends are just people that I hanged out with at some point in my life and our friendship dragged out, people that I have come to absolutely despise. I despise pretty much anyone my age really. Everyone is so happy or relaxed or something, as if life is a fun little game.
I have some very firm beliefs : Suicide is stupid , but more importantly , it’s a […]
I wouldn’t ever kill myself although the thought crosses my mind often and brings me the best peace. I’ll go to sleep and pretend like its forever. No more bills to worry about, no more worrying about why the guy didn’t like me or why im never good enough, no stressing about my use to be friends who dont seem to want me around for some reason or always wondering what the hell is wrong with me.
Im blessed. I really am. I have a beautiful daughter, a great job, a roof over my head, a car that runs, and a good family. I just feel […]
Been a while since i’ve been on, and boy does it feel nice to be here again.
Things have changed so quickly, it’s all hard to deal with some times. There’s too much going on right now. If anyone could give me advice i’d be greatful.
Now I live with my mom and siblings, stepdad is finally out of the picture (yay!) but as great as that is, it means the moneys out of the picture too. My mom has been unemployed since we moved here and hasn’t thought about about finding another job. We’re barely scraping by and everytime I bring it up to my mom […]
You did say that if my right hand caused me to sin, then I should cut it off than to have my whole body thrown in hell. But the thing is, I never said I want to be a part of any of your divine agenda–I never agreed to be born, and to put someone in this nightmare they cant wake up from, is an act of pure evil.
You caused me great pain from the day that I was born, and all I am worth is hell. WHat other unthinkable ways of torture have you thought of throwing at me in the future and in my life […]
BEFORE CONTINUING ON MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING AND I’M NOT RECOMMENDING ANYONE TO RESORT TO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have been over consumed with death and suicide. I have been dealing with big upcoming decisions and stress. Also I have been suffering with a huge increase of panic and anxiety attacks. I do goto counseling and take meds daily. I am diagnosed with borderline personality disorder along with both mood and anxiety disorders.
I have been using my coping skills and yes they work, however it wasn’t enough. I have been exhibiting manic symptoms even though I’m not bipolar.
As a teenager I used to dabble in cutting and self mutilating, […]
Ever since the start of my life, I have wanted it to end, to die.
I was a baby [ idk how old] and I simply DIDN’T want to live, so I ate Christmas lights. I remember that day. I didn’t want to be there and its not THERE that I didn’t want to be. It was there as in alive. I was searching for things to kill myself with and found Christmas lights. I figured the light and glass would kill me, so I ate them.
2 years old I tried to run in front of a car.
3 years old I tried to […]
I have not had suicidal thoughts. However, I know the pain of loneliness and the feeling of being hated and not being wanted. I know other people that have had suicidal thoughts. It is not worth it. There are many other alternatives for the pain, and there are many other people who care for you, even if you don’t think so. And if you think you do know that there is no one that cares for you, you still have one person. Me. I may not know who you are or what you look like, but I can tell you that you are a living, […]
I read the posts here and I feel so sad. So many people, so much sadness. I wish I could give each and every person a hug.
Let me say this… YOU are the most important person in your life. Please provide yourself with loving words, loving actions and hold on.
Take great care of you.
I just found this website while I was quite depressed and just thought i would give it a try sharing my story here because I really don’t know who I should trust for now…
To start with, I’m a guy in mid 20’s. My childhood wasn’t that great coz my dad used to beat the crap out of me almost everyday for all his pressure he faces in the outside world. My mom is timid and has to support my dad always even if it has to be over me.
I just wanted to leave them away so I went to pursue my graduation in a foreign […]
All I am is a fucking grade point average, and believe me, that number isn’t too great. I can’t be stupid, I’ve been a success for much of my life, and I’m certified as gifted, but now I can’t even pass my god damn classes. What college would want a lazy, idiotic piece of shit such as I?
When I say I hate you it’s because it’s “too soon” to say I love you
by psychoticbip
written by psychoticbip
I tell you I hate you every time I feel like saying I love you. I never want to seem crazy but I feel crazy crazy that once again I have failed feeling too much over a course of months. My father said love was a myth for the fools. How mythical of me to fall in love with a fool. Poor little fool who can’t seem to love me. If only he had the ability to feel what I feel how I feel it we’d be able to prove daddy wrong. So instead I say the second strongest word I feel hate because I […]
I have not had suicidal thoughts. However, I know the pain of loneliness and the feeling of being hated and not being wanted. I know other people that have had suicidal thoughts. It is not worth it. There are many other alternatives for the pain, and there are many other people who care for you, even if you don’t think so. And if you think you do know that there is no one that cares for you, you still have one person. Me. I may not know who you are or what you look like, but I can tell you that you are a living, […]
“there is a loneliness in this world so great
that you can see it in the slow movement of
the hands of a clock.
people so tired
mutilated
either by love or no love.
people just are not good to each other
one on one.
the rich are not good to the rich
the poor are not good to the poor.
we are afraid.
our educational system tells us
that we can all be
big-ass winners.
it hasn’t told us
about the gutters
or the suicides.
or the terror of one person
aching in one place
alone
untouched
unspoken to
watering a plant.”
and i don’t know why. my boyfriend is great, I have a decent job and family, and I just feel worthless and want to die again what’s the point
hey folks, wow, what a crazy, emotional day.sun has gone down,the ex has left, and the anxiety has eased somewhat. we were able to get the big stuff out, and now can cocentrate on the little stuff. the important stuff is safe. how sweet the quiet. how sad the heart.it was good. my son and his girlfriend came and helped. the ex did not bother to tell me that they were coming. totally lost it when i saw him. he was great and really enjoyed having them here. embarrased of course.no self confidence or esteem. basically feeling pretty low. but also relieved. some of the […]
not in the form i thought it would. i got the A in math, I got all As. but yesterday i fainted after taking a shower, it was the wildest thing in the world, it’s never happened before. and that part wasn’t that bad. it was after going to the hospital (everyone told me that i should go, i didn’t want to be that person who says no when everyone else is saying yes) that i realized how terrible it was. i had no one to come and pick me up. i have no friends, and the people that i know with cars…well, i assumed […]
but myself. I can pretend like I enjoy this existence again but I am exhausted doing it. I went out with my grandmother yesterday and she bought groceries. She was happy to see that some since of normality has come back. It has not and she acts like she doesn’t notice. I am really the walking dead. Not as clever as I once were. The dark has always been comforting and this is my comfort zone. Suicide project. I am not holding out for miracles, much more logical than that. I am expecting the darkness to come again, My body has gotten adjusted to it […]
I’m very sick today. I spent all night last night vomiting, and now I’ve just been stuck in bed all day. So my fiance comes home and decides it’s a good time to fight because I told him something he did towards another female bothered me. He degraded me like crazy, telling me I’m retarded, I’m boring, and that he wants me to disappear and kill myself. All of this after fighting yesterday with my mother and sisters because I asked here politely to take an embarrassing picture of me off of her facebook page. Expressing my opinions and feelings shouldn’t end in a fight […]