Im just going to rant.. Yes I realize nobody actually gives two shits but  whatever.. So, I wake up this morning and automatically felt angry, sad, stressed, and to add on that my medication is making me sick due to not having food to take with it.. So I call my work and tell them I cant come in and now I need to find someone to cover my shift. I doubt anybody will. Anyway.. i just.. I really just dont want to be here anymore. How about I go count my pills….
Okay guys update on how I am today I suppose:
Well last night my mother called 911 on me, she said I needed help and I was too fucked up for her to be taking care of. The ambulance and paramedics arrived at my house and I was taken against my will to the hospital. I am hooked up to this life support machine, I was told that if my mother hadn’t called I would be as good as dead.. They have put me back on my antidepressants and I’m under constant surveillance if its not family its “friends” or doctors.
Yeah well I feel […]
I know that i’m not the only one in the world that is lonely…especially on this site. I know that there are other problems that are more serious than lonliness and depression, but i just want to encourage the lonely souls out there cause lonliness is what i relate to the most. I want to let you know that you aren’t all completely alone. I dont know…things will get better. I promise. Dont think youre the only one staring at those pills or reaching for something that cuts. Today was a good day for me..a great day..and…idk I guess what i’m trying to say is that if […]
Hi there I checked into a nice hotel on the waterfront in Eastbourne to plan to grab a taxi to Beachy Head. Unfortunately I got to the cliff edge and was approached by the dreaded Chaplains who then proceeded to call the Police and I was put in a cell for 7 hrs “for my own safety”. Which was not a lot of fun. I was searched and detained. The cops were super pleasant and felt good that they had saved my ass. The police in Eastbourne are all oddly good looking and it was like a scene form csi NY.
I then was assessed by […]
All I want to hear from you is that I’m nothing to you. I want to hear you say that you don’t feel anything towards me, instead of being so damn afraid to talk about it. Just get it out there so that I can hate you instead of being so in love that it hurts all the time. Let me move on from you, that’s all I want.
And I want to tell you that you saved me, that you’re the only person who could’ve saved me, and that I would’ve been roadkill if you hadn’t forced me into your car. You don’t even know […]
so… a lot. It’s easter holidays and told myself that i’m allowed to cut myself… it has slightly spiraled out of control. My left wrist is covered in small thin, lines and my right has 3 simple lines. My upper left arm looks…well. i carved ‘CRAZY’ into it….
Basically, i met this guy online, he is 18. we talked about a lot and then out of nowhere he removes me as a friend and blocks me…i could deal with the pain if i hadn’t started to really like him… and he also told me ‘ I would never leave you’…
I want to be sort of like […]
i did not die, which I assume a few of you thought since I never ended up getting back on this site until now. Â I was deceived and betrayed.
To make a long story short, I called jackie’s house, she told me she wanted to be best friends with me and that she truly cared about me. Â My parents and jackie’s parents both told me that nothing bad was going to happen, that everything was going to get fixed, that me and jackie would get to be friends again. Â They said the police would not be waiting for me, that I was not going to be […]
Well, I was totally breaking down. Maybe a couple days away from ending it all and you caught me. You found me..even though I know i’m not good enough for anyone, you make me feel like i’m good enough for you. Havent been on here in a couple of days and I’m on here again because my ex boyfriend depresses me. But you’ll text me and ask what’s wrong, and make things better. I’d hate to think where I’d be if I hadn’t met you.
It just seems a bit too good to be true…and that would break me completely.
There were many “signs” that pointed to the relationship with my ex meaning(to my understanding) that she was the one mean for me. However, there are many ways that the “signs” could have been interpreted. For instance, her name appearing as a suggested friend on a networking site alongside her old lawyer’s could have meant we were to be together or it could have meant stay away from both the lawyer and her; randomly going out and hearing a performance of a song she sang, “Forget You,” could mean forget her; or standing beside someone and having them grab my hand and tell me to […]
Pain…its not the sharp or intense pain that is experienced when first separating the skin. No, it’s the dull, deep, and gnawing pain after cutting too deep and you’re waiting for the incision to heal. It’s the long week(s) of paranoia and wearing long sleeves in the summer hoping no one will notice or if they do, praying that they don’t call you out. That’s what it has felt like for me this past month…and i am not quite sure what to think about it all….
Ahh… the bitter sweet recognition of failure. Realizing that all you ever were was in reality, nothing at all… Seeing […]
I messed up my life at 7 years old. I learned what everything a adult thought of was, and my parents were getting divorsed. My mom hit my dad, and they always cussed eachother out in front of me. We were in the car once, my brother opened the door and was SO close to jumping out. he was leaning out of the car. If we hadn’t pulled him in, we would have seen him dead on the highway. we were screaming, and the one who didn’t help pull him back in was my mom. she yells at us, and nearly killed my dad. My […]
I lost the control that I’d maintained for so long…trauma…attempted suicide one day and the next…”saved” by my best friend…the loss of my best friend…I am collapsing into myself as I have destroyed my life and continue to destroy this moment and the next.
I look to people to talk with but all I see are names…all I can tell them is a story of self-pity.
I wish I didn’t tell me best friend I took 60 pills…
I wish I hadn’t told her anything…
I wish I had used a blade…
I wish I had the courage I did a year ago when I brought the handful of pills […]
“To remain silent and indifferent is the greatest sin of all”- Elie Wiesel. This quote alone has been one of the most inspirational things to get me through my days, recently. Elie was a concentration camp survivor, and if he can get passed all of that, then I can get past a few horrible days, and don’t you know, I’ve had plenty of those.
When I was in seventh grade, I had a few friends who had been dealing with really abusive parents, for their whole life. I didn’t really know exactly what they were going through, because I never had experienced that before. I grew […]
Of all the people on my dad’s side of the family I missed talking to the the most, it was my older cousin Carson.
Carson and I used to be close as kids, when my father was part of my life. We are only two years apart and to him and I it’s always felt like nothing. He’s the closest thing I ever had to a brother, more so then my own brother even. That’s why when he decided to come down to my father’s house I didn’t think much about it, all I could wonder about was what he was going to be like now […]
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