I’ve no idea when this started, but I’ve been getting this dominant voice in my head. I’ve thought over it while it was gone, and I’ve realized that I’ve named it. Her name is Belle. Belle is someone who wants to ‘drive me out’ and take over my body for herself. I thought about this long and hard about how long ‘Belle’ has been around. If I really think about it, she’s been around since I was in about third grade. Third grade was when I was really treated as an outcast. So I’m guessing that Belle is an imaginary friend… that never went away […]
Tag:
Hell
I a blocked in at all angles: too depressed to do anything, too anxious around people to have any social contact, although I am painfully lonely, too pessimistic to see anything good, too high strung to ever relax, too damaged to function, and I feel sick all the time, my head and stomach always burning, I always feel nauseous and dizzy. Yet I never seem to be able to manage to kill myself. Every method I have available seems bad. I have tried everything, meds, acupuncture, bath salts, exercise, ect. Even the doctors I go to ask me what I think there is left to […]
Everything I do is just wrong and for the past 20 years that’s all I have ever heard, my children have no idea I’m their father because while I’m gone risking my life at my job my loving wife makes sure they know I’m not. I have given everything i have to give them all a comfortable life my wife doesn’t have to work and my kids are going through school. But now I found out she’s been cheating on me and that my kids are now calling this f*$&!ng thing their daddy I’m just done what’s the point there is no point…
It’s hard to be the one who never cries
The one with a twinkle always in her eyes
What no one knows is school is an escape
A place away from home, the yelling, the hate
But not only do i have another side too
It’d the side that cries, unknown to you
With my personality you’d think life was great
But arriving home is like arriving at Hell’s Gate
The point of this poem is what they don’t see
What they don’t see : The other side of me
I hope you cry, i hope you weep, i hope me dying gives you the creeps.
Pray for my soul cause your will be next, the cause for the suicide, the cause for my death.
I never loved, i never lost, but because of you life has too high a cost.
I’d rather die, i’d rather slave, away in Hell than see you at my grave.
Don’t come to the service, don’t come to the church, I hope this hits hard, I hope it really hurts.
christianity put the fear of hell in me and is punishing me for bad looks and small sins i can’t take back. i don’t want anyone to have that authority over me. Cyanide and gunshot is how hitler died. this is a very cruel world full of cruel people.
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck i want to die. ive been sitting at the train station all night. all i wanted to do was lay on the tracks. my one true love texted me out of the blue. what the hell why, why tonight? i was going to do it tonight and she stopped me. fuck.
MY life has been hell for like 4-5 years now. I’m so tired of it.
I felt like I had JUST escaped from it all, but apparently not.
It started when my mom started doing drugs. That’s when my life changed. She started becoming more aggressive. She started staying in her room longer and sneaking friends in. She ruined me and my brothers lives. She eventually started to hit me. She attacked me a few times. She even lied to the cops about it once… I felt terrible that day. Even after all the stuff she’s put me through…I HATED seeing her walk out of […]
well its been up and down since i joined this site ,i shared my story , how i was raped , and used , hell im still used by so many of those close to me and it hurts but i lets them cause im hurting myself in the long run.When i joined this site , i had never hurt myself , never tried killing myself , i had only had thoughts about it , i was 14 when i joined up , im now 15 ,16 in 4 months ive tried killing myself twice , and cut myself a few times , ive also […]
IÂ cut. A lot..
I’ve done it for about a year. I swore to myself I would never harm myself like that, but look where I am now. I have an arm and two ankles covered in scars and cuts. I think of cutting as a stronger way of crying; i feel so weak just bursting into tears, so intsted i cut, it shows i’m strong enough to deal with pain. But now I know I need to stop. People who mean so much to me tell me I need to stop. I’m loosing people because of it. I nearly went to hospital because the bleeding wouldn’t stop. […]
I am so ready to leave. plan on my daughter’s birthday (yes, a daughter that I don’t get to see) to leave this pathetic fucking life. Funny that so many believe in a fictious god, but think (because a dumb book) that you will be damned if you leave this crappy shit earlier. There is no god, and there is nothing after this bullshit. We are just like any other animal on this planet, look at all of our actions. We go to war for what reason? There is more than enough land on this planet to live. We keep others financially strap for what […]
crap… just fuck and whatever…
Im freakin alive… Urgh…
I like am sure Im gonna die, I mean I drank 20 times the normal amount! It says in research that what I drank (200 mg) is lethal since one girl died of suicide by drinking 240 mg of what I drank…
damn damn damn it all!!!
i WAS FREAKIN FREAKED OUT… i WANNA TRY AGAIN BUT HELL… Â What am I gonna do now… I didnt plan far ahead… FUCK
what I drank isnt over the counter, its even seriously strong… when I drink one for my allergies, I get knocked out seriously… but I did 20!!! oh man… and Im here, […]
I’ve tried everything to get better. Meds, therapy, at least 7 hospital stays, vitamins, diet, ECT…10 years i’ve been in this hell! My last episode has lasted all of this year and most of last year, without a break!! I’m never happy for longer than half a day at a time and that happens very rarely (maybe once a month). I’ve been suicidal for over 7 months since my ECT treatment failed to help me. I’ve seen over 8 psychiatrists and none have helped. My current doctor’s only suggestion was to come off meds entirely (cause they do nothing) and find a new therapist. That’s it. […]
i’ve dealt with complicated thoughts and feelings my entire life, all of them in their most extreme form. i daily go from being angry at everything else that exists, to quietly loathing myself in a corner. i had suicidal thoughts from the time i was very young, maybe as early as eight. i first really plotted to kill myself when i was sixteen. i even learned how to tie a perfect hangmans noose. i’m 20 now. and the thing is, that it really has nothing to do with my life. i don’t have any significant problems, hell, i even just got engaged to my girlfriend. but i hate […]
I don’t Know What Should I do.. Who Should I Talk.. I Am Going to die Soon..
by Shivi
written by Shivi
I am Just a Person Like you all.. I also live a Unwanted life.. I am living but nobody can see that By each Passing day I am dieing.. I am killing myself inside.. My soul is no more.. I am Spiritually dead.. But I physically Smile Only for the ones who love Me.. And I don’t know why!
I know how it feels to cry alone in the blanket.. just crying and crying!! I don’t know what my future gonna be! My Parents constantly giving me Tensions and Tensions.. I am Killing myself inside in these Stress tensions..
Sometimes I feel “Relations are everything and the […]
a year and a half ago, i stood on the train tracks awaiting death. however, two women pulled me off. i was instantly hospitalized. i spent a month there, between inpatient and outpatient care. before then, i was in my first real relationship. we’d been together for over a year and he would constantly tell me how he plans on proposing to me. i get that i shouldn’t have believed it, that I’m too young for talk like that…but it all felt so real. a month before the incident, i approached my boyfriend, explaining to him how i wanted to end my life. at first, […]
hi guys… Im Elico (I despised my real name so I use this…
Im gay… Hehe, though I people find it hard to believe I am one since thay say Im a ‘good actor’ or something…
I dont have friends… I guess Im a natural loner or whatever… But I waited and looked, no one was there… I trusted several people, but all where the same, some abandon me after myself confessign to them, some got simply tired as I was clingy… some, just… stopped.
Dont ask if I have a lover or whatever, Im ugly maybe… and somehow I lost interest in stuff liek that…
Family? Theyre all […]
Funny how trivial everything becomes when you know you’re going to die. All these things that were once so important… job interviews, finances, hell even wars and famine and disease… are growing so distant, like a tv in the next room. Lately my own voice doesn’t even sound like me anymore. It sounds like the voice of some actor reading my lines. The other day I was talking and suddenly stopped because I sounded so weird, like REALLY WEIRD. Â I asked the other person if there was something wrong with my voice, and she said I sounded fine, politely adding, “maybe the acoustics are weird […]
Suicide is the only answer for me, don’t bother telling me otherwise, I’ve tried and failed before but I haven’t changed my mind. I’ve been unhappy and apathetic for as long as I can remember regardless of how hard I’ve tried to push myself or the different things I’ve tried. I just want the pain to go away, it’s really unbearable at times. I think about bad times in my life, about God, about all the bad people in the world, how bad the world is, how worthless I am, and often enough I picture myself dying in gruesome ways. I end up crying, shaking, […]
That was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done! I just got myself locked up as a prisoner for 3 fucking days… put on a med… it was fucking retarded. My therapist and psycho dr came in each day for like 5 fucking minutes… after 24 hours I signed myself out and they still wouldn’t let me leave. It all was a fucking joke and a fucking lie. So I just started lieing to them and told them I was not suicidal and to leave me the hell alone. I called my doctor a dick b.c. he was being so short with me and being sarcastic. […]