I am a 20 year old female attending university within my home town. I honestly feel lost within my own life. I am a waste of space. I do not know how to cook, terrible at cleaning, and struggle to manage a workload in school that others would find easy. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anxiety disorder. I was never social as a child; I can’t go up to someone and start a conversation. I had a happy childhood, up to a point. Our home has come under disrepair within the past decade or so. I love my parents, at least I […]
Tag:
Helplessness
don’t read this
just wanted to say thattttt, well, not even feeling suicidal now, because I’m drunk, buttttt I understand how about 90% of you feel (after reading the posts as a non-member for a while) annnd i think this site is amazing. because when i was feeling these thoughts i was a lot younger (not that I don’t feel them now) but let’s face it when you’re younger you almost have to depend on your parents and it only worsens that feeling of helplessness when you can’t drive/escape because you rely on your parents’ money/support, etc. and when I was younger I didn’t have a […]
Let’s just honestly say, that many children’s creation upon this Earth was a mistake.  In several ways. People tend to deny these things, this entire post perhaps, but they avert their eyes when they do.  Then they rapidly change topic, start accusations of something you yourself have done, but they twist it around and make it sound as if they had no part in it….had no part in being the very reason why you did that (whatever it may be). And when you deny it, of being the sole factor in a certain exchanging of words, in a response, or an action, they lose what […]
i am in pretty bad shape too man….i can feel you and see how many you and me there really are, imagine the total grief and helplessness and hopelessness in this world man, it is enough to be a world in itself, maybe that is what hell is. maybe hell is the collective weight of all peoples’ failed aspirations, expectations and dreams, maybe hell is the all weighty almighty DREAM that was never chased. it just lies there, emptying slowly, its mass and thickness invading all that comes in its way, it comes inside you and me thijs, through the nose, close your eyes all […]
Waking up–that’s the hardest thing for me to do. I find myself tired all of the time. It’s not so much that I am physically tired as it is that I am mentally tired, and my brain transmits the feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and restlessness to the rest of my body. My dreams are a blur… images of things that I can’t get to make sense, my meaningless days played back and forth for my mind to review. Scenes for my brain to recount so it can ask itself, “What went wrong?” and “How the hell did we end up here?” Sleep is supposed to […]
I watched the movie “Castaway” again today. “I am so sad…but I know what I have to do now.”
by isaac
written by isaac
I had forgotten how much that film resonated with me when it first came out; how I cried and cried because of the loss, the tragedy, the helplessness, the irresolute – albeit hopeful – ending. Â The words still resonate with me today, now, even while contemplating my own will to exist:
“…We both had done the math.
Kelly added it all up…and knew she had to let me go.
I added it up, and knew that I’d…I’d lost her…’cause I was never going to get off that island. I was going to die there…totally alone…I mean, I was going to get sick, or get injured or something…
The […]
You never know how alone you really are until you look around and no one is there. Yes, I have friends who say that they’re there for me, but are they really? Well, that’s what they want me to think. By them telling me that they are, they think I believe it. Where are they now? Where have they been? They may be here physically, right beside me most of the time, but they aren’t really. For the last two years I have suffered from depression, gone though a long phase of anorexia, bulimia and cutting, no one knows about my struggle other than my closest […]
“It’s dying, It’s dying!” They all cry,
Your heart got far too close to mine,
And now it’s ripping, breaking inside,
My body breathes a sigh of relief as it’s time.
I can hear it in the wind, I can feel it on my skin,
“Just one more time, you’ll feel much better ” I can’t let these voices in.
“Please don’t desert us, we were always there for you,
On those lonely nights when you were lost and didn’t know who to turn to.
Self harm? No harm! What harm can it do? They take me away cause they know it hurts you.”
Now she’s […]
I’ve written about this before but I feel the need to write about it again. When I’m depressed I’m happy.
Let me explain…
Today for the first time in awhile I wasn’t depressed at all. I haven’t been on any antidepressants for two days and all of a sudden I can breathe. I’m tempted to start taking them again so I get worse. When I’m depressed people worry about me. It’s the only time I know they actually care about and love me. They take care of me so I don’t have to. I guess too that I’m so familiar with sadness, hopelessness, helplessness, hatefulness, shame, guilt […]
i cant do away with my feelings wanna die