Waking Up

Waking up–that’s the hardest thing for me to do. I find myself tired all of the time. It’s not so much that I am physically tired as it is that I am mentally tired, and my brain transmits the feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and restlessness to the rest of my body. My dreams are a blur… images of things that I can’t get to make sense, my meaningless days played back and forth for my mind to review. Scenes for my brain to recount so it can ask itself, “What went wrong?” and “How the hell did we end up here?” Sleep is supposed to be peaceful and rejuvenation, but it no longer is for me. I used to love to sleep, used to love the crazy dreams I had at night, used to love to let my subconscious out to play. But, tell me: how can sleep be good when it ends so quickly? And what’s the point of sleeping when you wake up to a nightmare? Tell me how my body could possibly reenergize itself when it knows in a few short hours it will have to be wake up again to this neverending hell? That’s nothing to get excited about. Why spend the time getting yourself back up to 100% when at the end of the day 0% (or less) remains? So, tell me. What am I supposed to do when my hope is gone, my dreams are lost, and I don’t know what to do? How am I supposed to sleep at night when this is all I have to wake up to?