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everybody’s looking for something

by 1298

don’t read this

just wanted to say thattttt, well, not even feeling suicidal now, because I’m drunk, buttttt I understand how about 90% of you feel (after reading the posts as a non-member for a while) annnd i think this site is amazing. because when i was feeling these thoughts i was a lot younger (not that I don’t feel them now) but let’s face it when you’re younger you almost have to depend on your parents and it only worsens that feeling of helplessness when you can’t drive/escape because you rely on your parents’ money/support, etc. and when I was younger I didn’t have a computer much less know about sites like this where people could actually comment and vent together…. it was just me.

anyway alsoo i’m pretty sure my hopelessness is just a part of me now call it depression or whatever you will but that feeling you get when you know there’s no reason for anything and you’re not even happy so what’s the point in living righttttt well yeah that will always be there but guess what life is all there is so unless you believe in some fucking heaven (and if you do im pretty sure suicide aint gonna get you there) then you might as well just face facts. and yes i have been there where i have felt like even nothing absolute nothing would be better than this pain but at the same time i mean dont any of you just go outside and fucking sit in the grass under the sun maybe witness something ridiculous in nature and just think holy shit life is so much more than just me and all the shit i am dealing with. true sometimes the ego is so big of course we can’t see past it but all i can say is, try… and if it’s not working, try harder… and if that doesn’t work either… when you think you’ve tried your very best and you still can’t deal…. well listen to Tool and be “Patient” .

and finally,

to that one person i know will never read this: i love you………… andd i honestly just hope with all my heart that you are happy because well to quote a song “the fact that I can’t be what you need, is cutting off my air supply” haha… and if i just knew somehow that you were happy anyway maybe i could get over you and move on. but that probably will never happen.

 

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