Why am I still here? All I do is fuck everything up. I’m a home wrecking whore who should just die. I fucking hate myself and I hate living. I want to die.
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I am writing this, mainly to get things out. I have nobody to talk to, and I want to explain my situation before I go.
When I was in primary school, life was okay, how can’t it be when your so young? I was very intelligent, a good kid, never really got into any trouble, and had some friends. When I was 10, I lost my father to a heart attack. This hugely affected my family, which already wasn’t a big family. Each day just walking around the house, I would randomly find my mum crying.
As I was so young, I managed to get past this, […]
Hi guys. So after living with my grandparents for a month, I thought my mom would finally cool off and be like a normal person you know. I came home on the Christmas Eve. She was fine. We hugged and she was normal and I started acting normal. I thought we were fine. The next day she was still fine. Then the third day she got irritated with everything I do again. The fourth day she didn’t even talk to me that much. Today is the fifth day which is 29 of December. She got angry over a small thing like why I never try […]
So, i am a failure. After graduating with a BSME, i am too emotionally fucked up to get a job so i kept delivering pizza. I am 40 and this was supposed to be my big turn around. Instead i flipped out on a drunk asshole college kid, and on a first arrest ever got 2 and 1/2 years.
I am out this last June, and this is my first christmas back. So thats the jail part.
My dad and brother-in-law argue and so only my sister has been coming with my two nephews for the last 5 years. So this year they decided to […]
It comes in waves, I close my eyes, hold my breath and let it bury me.
I’m not okay and it’s not all right; ¿Won’t you drag the lake and bring me home again?
I’m just super lonely this Christmas and need a shoulder to cry on…..to vent……I’m 18, turn 19 in 5 days, I basically have no friends or family……I’ve attempted suicided many times and have suffered with depression most of my life. I’m miserable. I’ve tried to keep my sanity and make myself better- recently, I drove my new car out in front of a semi……I miraculously lived, tore my car to hell….I just wanted to die and didn’t care how selfish I was being involving a random person. It eats at me and I regret it, but I’m angry that I didn’t die. The bashing from […]
Three months ago I lost my partner of 6 years (he dumped me because he “didn’t know what he wanted”), job & home all in the one day. I was broke, homeless & in a state of severe shock that caused me to lose 10kg in a week. I’ve only just gotten over the panic attacks, heart-attack-like chest pain & anxiety induced shaking.
What I want to know is this: does life actually get any better, or are we just fooling ourselves?
I’ve been working on myself, getting a new job & trying to lose more weight but I’m still miserable & my chest physically hurts, like […]
Sometimes you think you have everything under control, that your pretty smile and laugh is hiding everything. But sometimes you don’t see the cracks on the surface till others do.
In the past 20 years of my life, I’ve had one special friend they I could by my whole self too, she knew what I did and how I felt most days because she had the same feelings about life. She’s been my best friend since I was 3. We never got the chance to go to school together but she was always a short car ride or a phone call away. Everyday throughout high school […]
I had a hysterectomy at 23. I want a child more than anything. I have paid THOUSANDS of dollars to find a “birthmother” who will place her child with us. We haven’t been chosen.
My husband can’t stand to see me hurt. We are moving in 6 months and will have to give up our home study. He won’t go through it again. Which means this is the end. I don’t get another chance.
Ten years ago I paid $10,000.00 to be a part of an agency. We were matched with a baby girl then we got transferred. I couldn’t stand to move on. I just […]
I’m going to keep this short and sweet.
So I’m a freshman in college 6 hours away from my home town. About a week ago my sister tried to commit suicide by overdosing on sleeping pills.
I found out about this from her boyfriend, her best friend, and my mom. (I also found out from her best friend that she’s had drug abuse problems recently.) I was able to contact her because she didn’t have her cell phone, but the day after she called me from the hospital. The gist of what I told her was that she should never try anything like that again. First off […]
I’ve been with my girlfriend for 4 years. I’ve lied and hurt her before, she’s lied and cheated before. We’ve separated for extended periods with no communication but always ended up together again. More than once, we’ve promised each other that we’d never leave, promised we’d always fight to stay together, promised we’d always be together. We have an 18 month old daughter together. Things have been rocky the past year because I’ve struggled with employment. Actually, the entire relationship, I’ve struggled with employment. I am a felon, so that complicates things for me but it’s not a violent or drug related offense. I’ve been […]
When my parents, friends or random people ask me about my day, all I’ll do is say “It was fine.”
It wasn’t.
Not a day passes that I don’t feel useless, hateful and sad. Not a single day.
My days are never ‘fine’. They’re far from it.
I spend every single day of mine, hurting myself and wishing it would end. It doesn’t, but wanting it is the only thing I still have strength for.
Every single day I would come home from school, throw up that little piece of beagle I ate instead of my breakfast, go to my room and lock the doors.
Every day I would take my […]
When I was 13 I was diagnosed with Epilepsy.
It’s not the worst thing in the world but going through 13 years of your life thinking you have it all planned out and knowing you’re going to be successful and then having it all pulled out from under you can fuck with you a little bit. Me and my dad we the closest a father and daughter could be up until this point. It’s like after I got diagnosed he stopped loving me. I suddenly became the “problem child” and he didn’t want to even be around me anymore, like he couldn’t even bear […]
I don’t wanna lose it again. The last weeks and months were better, but now I know I’m heading right towards the abyss and can’t seem to change the direction, no matter how much I would like to. I do stuff even though I know it’s detrimental. Like even at this moment I’m listening to music of which I know it triggers my depression. Maybe it has to do with the days getting shorter and the weather getting colder. Or maybe it’s the stress, but that’s usually worse when I have to write exams. Best I can do now is survive another 1 1/2 weeks […]
I’m very sick today. I spent all night last night vomiting, and now I’ve just been stuck in bed all day. So my fiance comes home and decides it’s a good time to fight because I told him something he did towards another female bothered me. He degraded me like crazy, telling me I’m retarded, I’m boring, and that he wants me to disappear and kill myself. All of this after fighting yesterday with my mother and sisters because I asked here politely to take an embarrassing picture of me off of her facebook page. Expressing my opinions and feelings shouldn’t end in a fight […]
About two years ago, I started to realize that I was feeling very different. Being only 13, I didn’t really understand my feelings. I stayed locked up in my room when I wasn’t at school. I didn’t really talk to anyone. I wasn’t happy with my friends and I felt completely alone. I finally told my older sister that I was feeling “different” and she urged me to tell my parents but I didn’t have the guts too. I wrote them a letter explaining to them that I thought I was depressed and I wanted to go see a therapist. My parents quickly went to […]
Sorry. He to keep it quiet.
I thought things were getting better, but it was just my mind’s way of getting a run-up to kick me in the balls again. I want to smash the bottle in front of me and cut myself to shit, grab my huge (and evergrowing) bag of failed meds and take the lot, kick down my door, smash out the bathroom window and climb up onto the rooftop and scream and shout and cry in one final act of defiance to the world. But I wont. Ill just sit here and smoke my problems away, like I always do. That’s why I’m such a useless piece of shit, […]
Hi everyone, English is not my mother tongue so sorry if I make mistakes.. I come from a country where we don’t talk about suicide. I found this website by writing “helium suicide” and I started reading all of these sad stories. I decided to write mine I don’t know why but it feels like I need to.
My childhood was horrible. My father was an alcoholic and when he drank, he did all the terrible things that a father can do to his children and wife (no details…). I started thinking about suicide when I was about 13 and I tried to commit suicide at […]
Hey guys I decided I would just share my story before coming to a final close. I am a nineteen year old male living in Austin who has become disgustingly depressed. I grew up what you would call a “perfect child,” as school work became my entire life. My parents are high class, high expectation type of people who get on my ass about every little negative detail about me. I feel like I have grown up a robot, and now I am waking up to see how tragic my life is like. I have been to wilderness program and a therapeutic boardinig school just […]