I’ve been with my girlfriend for 4 years. I’ve lied and hurt her before, she’s lied and cheated before. We’ve separated for extended periods with no communication but always ended up together again. More than once, we’ve promised each other that we’d never leave, promised we’d always fight to stay together, promised we’d always be together. We have an 18 month old daughter together. Things have been rocky the past year because I’ve struggled with employment. Actually, the entire relationship, I’ve struggled with employment. I am a felon, so that complicates things for me but it’s not a violent or drug related offense. I’ve been dishonest in the past. She’s been dishonest about her seeing an ex, in the past. We’ve had times where we’d split up and get back together but every time, we’d end up back together and every time, the promises are said again. Well, my lack of employment has had her patience growing thin. I got a new, amazing job that I was to start today. Yesterday, things fell apart. She aid she wanted me gone and that it was over. She called me quite a few horrible things and hit me. I don’t hit and never have. In the heat of the argument, she admitted that she cheated on me with her ex, more than once, a year ago. I knew of 1 time. She basically told me that she didn’t care if it hurt me. I told her that I promised to fight for us until the day I die. Even if she’s telling me no, I can’t stop trying. Some people may call me foolish or stupid but I can’t give up. I know that her and I are supposed to be together. Have you ever kissed sometime and felt them smile under your kiss? Have you ever had someone tell you that they didn’t know it was possible for someone to treat them so well? Have you ever had someone constantly tell you that when you make love, it’s the most amazing thing they’ve ever experienced with anyone? Have you ever had sometime tell you that they know you’re meant to be together? Those are a fraction of the things I could name that keep me from giving up on us. Here’s the thing though. She’s resorted to just being mean to me. I won’t give up until I’m dead and I feel like death is going to be the only way I can stop all of the hateful things she’s saying. I didn’t start my new job today because I was bawling all night. I left my boss a message at 4 in the morning, explaining that I’m having some very serious family issues and asked what he thought I should do. He called a bit later and told me to get my home stuff take care of. After that, with my girlfriend in the car, I went to Walmart and bought a tank of helium. She didn’t even notice. When we got home, my boss called again and asked if I could just come in for a few minutes and meet everyone and to show that I’m serious about the job. My girlfriend flipped out and said that if anyone is going anywhere, it’s her. Over the next 3hours at home, my boss called 3 more times, each call expressing how vital it is that I get in there today. I told my girlfriend, each time that he called that I needed to go there. She had the car keys hoarded so I was unable to leave on my own. I needed to be there no later than 3. She took off without me at about 1 to go shopping and to see her mom. We only have 1 car, so I was stuck at home, unable to get to my new job and in serious jeopardy of losing the new job. She has shown no remorse whatsoever. While we were home, I was actively working on my exit bag and she said nothing about it. She may not know what it is but a big tank of helium would normally have her asking questions. So now, here I am, laying in bed, my exit bag right next to me. Death is my only escape. It’s the only way I can stop trying, stop caring. I don’t know what to do.
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This is a difficult reply.
I understand unconditional love. In 2014/2015, I respect it because it’s becoming less and less common. It seems like, despite the challenges of your past, you’re doing the best you can to move forward. You have an 18-month-old daughter with this person. Given your challenges of the past combined with today’s rough job market AND your daughter, it would have been a really smart idea to go to work on your first day. But you couldn’t. Not because you didn’t want to but because, at the last minute, two things happened. First, on the evening before, you were told that you were being left behind. Second, on the afternoon of, your means of transportation was taken away.
I can deal with adults making decisions when the outcome only affects the adults. If the adults want to create issues, so be it. Don’t interpret me using “adults” as placing blame on you. In this case, however, the decision affected your new line of work. That inability for you to work will affect your daughter either directly (while in the relationship) or indirectly (via whatever custody/child support arrangement is made). What she has done is potentially robbed you of income that could have benefited your daughter. At some point, via court order, you might even be required to pay child support. Not having a job because it was disrupted by the very person you’d pay the support to makes things really complicated.
For the record, I realize there are three sides to every story and we only have one. But it’s the only one I can reply to. Assuming what you wrote is what happened, I certainly would NOT be considering death. You have a daughter that will NEED you in her life and, despite whatever temporary setback is unfolding, you will still have future successes. If she doesn’t care about you, you honestly can’t do anything. I know it hurts. It stinks. We can’t control the actions of other people. You can, however, continue to do the best for your daughter. Your girlfriend may have betrayed you and it seems like a conversation, at some point, is in order. In the meantime, please don’t sabotage you or your daughter.
Is there any chance you would talk to me 1 on 1, maybe through email?
Sure. I’ll send you an e-mail.
Soon please, if possible.