dear people, well after a really bad week, decided to give up and surrender to the whitecoats.in going to my appointment, please know that i carry all the shame and guilt that comes with this decision. all those studies and tests i was part of didnt do shit. cant wait to see what is in store for me now. they mean well, but dont know and cannot understand what we go through. i came to this website looking for meathods. i stayed because what i found here hurts my heart worse than the depression. so many people. so many people. i was surprised. really, i […]
Tag:
hope
That hell that’s been my head these past 26 years has gotten the best of me.
I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD 3 years ago and even though i thought learning about it would help me, i’m still the
same fucking mess, still failing at everything and the worst is i have learned i can’t do SHIT about it.
And I am tired of this.
I’ve had enough of the stuggle
I’ve had enough of feeling stupid and ridiculed by people i call my friends
Enough of this emotional rollercoaster which has crashed years ago on depression mode
Enough of believing i’m surrounded by caring people until […]
I’m out on 100,000 dollar bail right now. I’m facing a home invasion charge in Illinois which is a class x felony. The punishment if convicted is a minimum 6 to 30 years in the department of corrections. I am facing a death sentence. These alleged charges are total bullshit but regardless of the outcome I will come out the other side 10,000 dollars in debt from lawyers. I am 22 years old. For all intents and purposes This situation is going to cost me 6-30 years of my life. The courts are a mockery of justice in illinois. they are courts of conviction not […]
someone tell me a motivating story so I don’t lose hope on this thing we call “life”
I just want this nightmare to end. I want to wake up and find none of this really ever happened. The love of my life, my reason for living has found someone else. He’s still here with me in body, but not entirely here. I know it’s still going on and I want to die so badly. The only reason that I’ve not done it yet is because I hope one of these days he’ll see, that he’ll open his eyes and see that it was all just a big mistake. But I’ve not many days left, I just hope it happens soon.
why is it that whenever someone says they care or that they love me, i break out into tears. its like its so hard for me to accept it and to believe it that when someone tells me they care about me; it makes me feel so good and sad and happy because i feel like ive never been cared for. im not even sure how to describe it. i hope you guys understand what im trying to say/how i feel.
Since Labor Day weekend, I’ve been walking a track circle; on one end is glorious hope and love, on the other is despair, hopelessness, heartbreak. I’ve been researching suicide methods over the weeks, not often, but when I slide down the rabbit hole. Today I began a more in depth search into methods; I have several on my mind. Thinking I will commit to a plan once Thanksgiving is over. Always, once this, once that….I’m so tired. I wish I could just end it once and for all. Life is too overwhelming, too heartbreaking, too tiring. Hope is tiring.
I feel sick with it. Sometimes it’s a big empty whole, sometimes the whole fills with a nausiating meloncholy substance formed of some vile nostalgia. My eyes see only ugliness. A waste land. And my body crawls across it’s filth. Motivated by someone else’s idea of hope. To reach what? perhaps another minute, or better yet a minute left behind. Another moment of agony I’ve put behind me. There are moments of another nature however. I’d say the suffering isn’t worth them, but what the hell. Water is so much better when your thirsty.
I don’t know if I could handle it anymore, I’m dying of love and also of hope. I am afraid that I’ll do something to end this soon. T_T
This is my first post. My life has been full of setbacks and disappointments many by my own bad choices and many by terrible luck. I am possibly the biggest underachiever in the world. That’s why I couldn’t be happier when I met my beautiful wife learned that she wanted to be with me. 7 years later after watching her love turn cold after realizing that she was stuck with a loser she left (10 weeks ago). I am still holding out hope that we can save our marriage but that hope is fading. There are a few reasons to be hopeful but also many reasons that lead […]
I took 4.5mg of synthroid a little over 2 hours ago, I sure hope this works but all I have noticed thus far is a headache. I sure hope it starts to do something soon because I don’t want anyone to witness my death. Really wanted it to be over already…
Been thinking about suicide for a while because it seems like everything I do in like bites me in the Ass,I cant do anything right Ican’t make anyanyone happy including myself feel my last hope is death….ill misss my family but I think they will be better off
During life we all face things that are difficult to cope with. no story is worst then the others. everyone has their own amount of pain they can deal with.
this is a very short version of my story.
I was 7 years old when i heard my fathers door close. My best friend entered my room and started revealing the darkest secrets i could of imagined. My father has been molesting and raping her in his room every day. i didnt know what this meant at the time and i thought that it was normal. she had kept telling me to keep it a secret so […]
That’s basically all I am. I am a joke of Fate, a fly trapped in the web she never stops weaving, a plaything that she uses to occasionally humor herself. And it really sucks.
It’s ironic, actually, because I always tell others to be who they are, an individual, and never give up hope. But I guess I let that last chance out of Pandora’s jar a long time ago, because I don’t think I’ll ever amount to anything.
the people on here, this website, are true sufferers- they are drowning in poverty, surrounded by nothing but their own crushing thoughts and self-accusations. they have reason to scream and sob and choke on depression.
i am 16, popular, a brilliant student, a violin prodigy (slight hyperbole), an extrovert, horror movie addict. my parents are established- “dad” has a Ph.D, mom is a retail genius. we are upper-middle class, gorgeous home. i’m an only child so they shower money on me; where else will they dump their earnings?
the question to ask, then, is: am i allowed to be so sad? why should i have the right […]
I’m 24. I’m an avoidant personality. I used to have a vague hope that things might get better some day, yet struggled not knowing exactly who or what I was.I had no idea how, but I thought I could work on myself. I could change. I could become the kind of person able to truly and intimately love and be loved. It wasn’t until a friend, a girl, who, in retrospect, I’d idealized and on whom I’d had an unhealthy fixation, gave me the avoidant diagnosis as her own that my lot in life became clear. More accurately, it took a year for me to realize what […]
I am in my late twenties and feeling that there is no longer any hope. I been depressed since i was 16 and attemted only once. I seem to go through stages of being ok and relativley happy to the darkest place you can think of.
The last month i have been thinking about going on a daily basis the only think stopping me is the pain of going, some people might say you wouldnt care about that if you really want to do it, however no one wants to feel pain thats why i want the easiest way to do it.
I have massive debt, no […]
Spending all my time trying to find my feet and then I lost my legs. Look at me like where’s the happiness, but if only I can grow it like hair I’d be all in this. Don’t look at me like my woes reproduce like lice, standing over me like you’re Jesus Christ. Nail yourself to someone else who needs saving, or walk on water if you like, as long as you walk away.
Because I don’t need release from this..no need in letting go..the meaning in between the seams are splitting just to show you what I know. If I find it hard to sleep tonight, […]
Have you ever had one of those nights. When you have it up to there with everything and you just wish you can just put a gun to your head and pull the trigger. Tonight is defintaly one of those nights I’m so ticked off to the point that i cant even concentrate on my work. Well guess I’ll go listen to some music on my headphones till i black out.
Hope you guys are having a better night than I am.
Peace!
The ‘no harm in trying’ spell no longer works to motivate me. I think of my failures, how it became almost constant, and I just lose faith in any light of hope.
Now, there is ‘no point in trying’ at all. Everything isn’t worth it anymore.
Living in a country in which the majority of its people has very little, if any, empathy on ‘suicide’, I really don’t think killing myself is gonna change anything. People do not care.
I’m stuck. So badly. I just can’t go on.