Since Labor Day weekend, I’ve been walking a track circle; on one end is glorious hope and love, on the other is despair, hopelessness, heartbreak. I’ve been researching suicide methods over the weeks, not often, but when I slide down the rabbit hole. Today I began a more in depth search into methods; I have several on my mind. Thinking I will commit to a plan once Thanksgiving is over. Always, once this, once that….I’m so tired. I wish I could just end it once and for all. Life is too overwhelming, too heartbreaking, too tiring. Hope is tiring.
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4 comments
Hey Rivertany, we’re riding the same emotional rollercoaster! 🙂
I agree, it’s tiring. In some ways, hope can be so much worse than complete despair. I wish I had something more encouraging to say. Just know that you’re not alone. Feel free to send me an email, if you like.
In a way, I’m sometimes glad I don’t know more details about people that are on here. I can imagine we’re all ages, sexes and races. I think knowing more would let me try to fix folks and I’d inevitably mis-guess and fail.
I typed all that to say this: I relate to a lot of what I read on here. I certainly relate to your post. I too am tired. We must find a way.
Right?
I agree, JoeytheGreat — sometimes the details become a distraction. Anonymity makes it easier to read what’s being said without personal biases getting in the way.
I’m fucking exhausted.